Ditto || l.p

Ch.37- phone call

"Fourteen," I muttered solemnly, marking a large red X through the box on the calendar. Two weeks since Liam broke up with me. And two weeks since the last time I was happy.

I never really payed attention to how much I needed him until I didn't have him. He was like my own personal superhero, only now I didn't have him to rescue me anymore.

I wanted so bad to know what I had done wrong. He had told me it wasn't my fault, and that he just didn't think we were right for each other. I didn't believe that one bit.

It had to of been something I'd done. Maybe he was tired of my anxiety. I know I was. Or maybe I wasn't good enough, even though he had told me the day before that I was.

I didn't know why Liam wasn't interested in me anymore, but I did know two things. 1) His absence was destroying me from the inside out and 2) I was still in love with him and nothing took away the pain inside me.

"Ashley, babe? Dinner's ready.." I turned to face my stepmother, who was standing in the doorway of my bedroom and eyeing me nervously.

"I'm not hungry," I mumbled and flopped back down onto my bed; a place I've spent a lot of time in the past two weeks.

"You haven't eaten since you arrived here, Ashley. You're already getting thin and I don't want you to get ill." Normally I would laugh at her, always worrying about my health.

"I'm not hungry," I say again, not because I was being stubborn, but because I really wasn't hungry and the thought of eating was awfully disquieting.

"Babe." I felt the bed dip down where she sat and her hand touched my back, rubbing circles over it. "I know you loved him, and it's hard to get over things like this. But you can't let it drag you down so far."

"He was all I had, mum. He made me feel like a real person again, he took away all the bad memories. But now.."

"Don't you say that," she said, almost scolding me. She knew what I was talking about but I couldn't assure her that I was okay, because I wasn't. Those stupid images I kept away for so long were back and I couldn't do anything about it.

"Can I just be alone please?" I asked softly, careful not to hurt her feelings and make her think I didn't want her support.

"Dinner is downstairs when you're ready." She softly kissed the top of my head and finally left, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

I glanced at my desk drawer, where I kept my box of shaving razors so I didn't get them mixed up with anyone else's.

No, don't do it again.

I bit down hard on my lip until I tasted blood and snapped my hair tie against my wrist, doing anything I could to fight the urge to harm myself any worse.

I felt so lost without him. I didn't know what to do, or where to go. It was like my whole life was put to a sudden stop and I couldn't go farther without him at my side.

I reached for my mobile and unlocked it. It was still on Liam and I's text messages from where I left off last time when I started crying too much to read any more.

I scrolled through them slowly, wishing I could be as happy now as I was when I had texted these messages to him. Eventually I became bored, or more upset, and went to twitter instead.

I searched his name, knowing a million results would pop up instantly. I found the link to an article that read, "Liam Payne's breakup" and clicked on it and began reading.

Liam Payne, a member of the famous boy band One Direction, has been recently reported as single. A few weeks ago, he spilled his thoughts to a crowd of fans at one of his shows and he didn't seem too cheery. Now, we aren't exactly sure what went on between Liam and his girlfriend, but you can be sure we'll give out the deets when we know!