Letters to No One

#8

To the man who first broke me:

Honestly, I don't even know how to start this. For years, I've tried to write this letter for you. And it is just this time, that I've had the courage to find the words to rightfully weave this piece.

You know that it's hard for me to do this, just because you were part of the past that I don't want to resurface again. You were part of the past that I want to forget in my life. Erase that, badly forget in my life.

You were supposed to be the first, to protect me.

The first to believe in me.

The first to guide me and to make me realize of my worth.

But, among other of those deep and hurtful first-you were the first to break me.

I wonder, if you're here would my life still be the same? Would I be as cold, strong and independent as I am? Would everything be different?

Well, probably things would be really different.

You could have been there protecting me.

You could have been there guiding me.

You could have been my greatest comforter.

You could have been my greatest encourager.

You could have been my all the time ally.

But among all my could have been's-you were the first to break me.

Funny how you've broke me, yet you were the one who taught me how to stand-up for myself.

You were the first to break me, but you were the one who taught me to be brave and to keep on trusting everyone.

You were the one who broke me, but you were the one who taught me, to forgive.

Some say, I must go on and totally forgot about everything from the past. Well, definitely that includes you. But, a part of me, doesn't want to forget.

I don't want to forget that you were one of the person, who gave me life. I don't want to forget, how you taught me so many things, even without you knowing them.

I don't want to forget, so I've learned to forgive you. I've decided to forgive, not because you've said your apology.

But, I need to be freed from all the hatred, anger and pain you've caused me. I've learned how to love, because you broke me.

I'm so thankful, because you've taught me the most valuable lesson of all-to never settle for less. To forgive and to stand-up.

Thank you for leaving us. Thank you for looking for someone else. Thank you for breaking Mama's heart first, and then breaking me. Thank you because you've taught me so many things. Thank you Papa.

It might have took me so long to write this, but, you're forgiven long before you could ever asked for it.

Someday, I hope you could see how much of the past pain, mended me.

Someday, I pray you'll also forgive and forget yourself for doing the things that you did.

Thank you that amidst everything, I can still say, "I love you Papa," even with my eyes swelled up with tears.

You were the first to break me, but God mended me.

But God restored me, into a woman with a secured identity.

Your child,

@cloakedlove