𝓑𝓵𝓪𝓬𝓴 𝓜𝓪𝓻𝓴𝓮𝓽 || 𝐁𝐓𝐒 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

Broken heartbeat

Jungkook and I were traveling to the black mountains. We decided to spend the month in the woods. There was a camp we had decided to do. It was one where you sign up and they choose five couples to go to five destinations and camp out. We like it cause it would only be us two.

When we got there it wasn't like a typical camping, it was more like...artificial camping. It was still nice. There was a house we stayed In that was really fancy. It had a lot of plain details to it. There was a lot of grey. There was a good view of a far off waterfall.

Jungkook and I decided to go explore the waterfall. We walked through the tall weeds, and low limbs. The sun had a golden affect on the air. Everything was enjoyable. Jungkook has run off and I was strolling along the path of beat down leaves. I looked ahead and saw a beautiful angel standing in the golden sunlight.

He was smiling brightly with light peeking out from the sides of him. "You're cute" I said looking back down at the path. I was blushing so hard. He looked really good. He walked up to me and picked me up bridal style. "Put me down!" I scolded as I hit his chest. All Jungkook did was laugh. He made a cute noise of excitement.

He carried me all the way to the waterfall. His veins in his arms were popping. He set me down and sighed. "That was fun" he said in a breath. "(Y/n), you wanna go swimming?"

"No" I said rudely.

I turned around and got out my phone to take a picture of a pink, and white flower. I admit I wasn't being the best person to hike with but...oh well. Once I was done taking the picture I turned the camera around to take a picture of me when I saw Jungkook stripping. He took off his shirt, then his pants. He threw them effortlessly onto a rock nearby.

I took a breath that I could see in his chest. He turned his head towards me. "Let's get it" he said then jumped into the small pond. I decided to take a video of him swimming. He had a big smile. "You should get in!." I stared at him for a while then put my phone down. "If I'm here might as well do something shitty that I'll regret doing later when I get athletes foot from the fucking mud" I mumbled to myself.

I got up then started stripping. My shirt off first that I threw God knows where. My shorts I elegantly stepped out of with my shiny looking legs. They were only like that cause I recently shaved them knowing Jungkook and I were probably gonna do some..stuff—

"More!" I heard Jungkook yell.

"Fucking whore!!" I yelled back. He laughed.

I counted to myself to three then jumped in. My head popped up above the water, and I swam up to Jungkook. "Feel like you've been reborn?" Jungkook said laughing.

"You need to be reborn" I said pushing my wet hair back.

"In the name of Jesus, you look hot"

"Don't get tempted church boy." I said swimming away. He gave me an annoyed look then swam after me. I turned over and swam on my back staring at Jungkook. I kicked really hard with my foot and made a big splash in Jungkooks face.

"Hey!" He yelled then swam after me. I made more big splashes but that wasn't enough. He grabbed my and threw me into the deep end of the water. I suddenly became aware of what I was surrounded by. Never do that.

I opened my eyes underwater and stared at the dark blue mixed with light blue. I felt just how soft the texture was. A moment where you can truly feel everything you touch, hear everything that makes a sound, taste every edible thing, see all the colors at once, is a moment of true life. We were made to feel...not ignore one for the best....

I was meant to feel things. I was made to feel things for people, not ignore one for the best. But they both have my heart.

I moved my hand in front of my face and saw little bubbles floating upward. As more time passed more bubbles rapidly floated and I rapidly sank. I closed my eyes and heard the sounds of the blazing water. He songs, the hymen's, the medicine. I listened to the poems, the stories. When all it was was just darkness blanking out my mind to the realization that I was actually drowning.

I didn't struggle, didn't fear, wasn't sad. I didn't feel like a waste of space, I felt like space itself. I felt Jungkook come behind me and drag me to the surface. I had forgotten how much I needed to breath until I actually could breath. I couldn't open my eyes.

All of the sudden I felt like the whole pond came out of my throat. I was in Jungkooks lap. He help me, as we both breathed heavily. The water....I couldn't comprehend the state I was in. I don't know if it was happy, or sad, or sad. I was me in that water. I saw myself swimming. I felt so aware.

I heard the air rushing by the surface of the water. I heard the little leaves ripple when they hit the pond. I heard the bubbles of air gasping, harmonizing, uniting. I felt the pulse of the organisms that swam, fighting, surviving, living.

The problem was that I wasn't living, I was just a broken heartbeat. I was just a pulse, flesh, bones, walking around. I felt tired of it, I am tired of it, I wanna live. Wheres my time, my soul, my happiness. I think that's why I was so ok with being in the water, sinking.

I looked up to meet Jungkooks eyes. "Jungkook...if I'm meant to die...then the next time I don't wanna come out surviving-"

"No no no no" he said shaking his head vigorously. He started crying. I placed my hands on his cheeks and settled his gaze upon mine.

"Listen. I don't wanna come out surviving next time....I just wanna live...I'm fighting for my life but what is there to live for—"

"Me!! Live for me!! I need you (y/n). If you leave me pain will fully take over my body, I'll lose myself, I'll be gone. I want you here with me, live for me!!"

"Jungkook I can't!! I'm tired!! The next time I won't come out alive, the next time I won't fight death...I'll just let it happen.."

Jungkook was crying as he placed his forehead on mine. "Don't you fucking leave me.." he whispered....

I can't find the life in me....