𝓑𝓵𝓪𝓬𝓴 𝓜𝓪𝓻𝓴𝓮𝓽 || 𝐁𝐓𝐒 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

Ruined

(Y/N) POV:
I stormed out of the room Junkook was in. tears running down my face like a sad waterfall. I can't believe I hurt him so bad, maybe I should just lock myself away. I'm forgetting more things now. Things I've wanted to hold on to I'm forgetting.

I not only have cancer but...also I have a sickness where I'm forgetting. There's bacteria in my brain that's eating away my brain cells. I got it from lack of food this lack of cellular respiration. If I don't have cellular respiration then my body won't be able to produce any white blood cells to fight off bad bacteria.

Every once in a while Hobi, or Jimin will remind me of what life's like outside. I honestly don't know why I can't leave the hospital, I mean I'm not contagious or anything.

The lyrics "I'll take you to the moon" blind any of my sad thoughts that like to creep in my head when I'm bored. I remember I use to love SHINee but I haven't been able to listen to them since December. I'd cry every time I heard one of their songs cause it was just to much.

I'm such a goddamn cry baby

I cry when I see Jungkook in the halls to. This strong feeling comes over me and I can't explain it. It feels like all I wanna do is just get away from him, like I don't even wanna look at him because I hurt him.

Why couldn't God just leave me to die.

I cry when jimin tells me story's of what Hobi, and him have done. It's always funny and it makes me jealous of them having so much fun.

Id be better off dead anyway...

I cry when I realize I still love Hobi like I did that night we kissed. I honestly wanna go back to that night and kiss him again, I'd do it 2000 times if I could but I'm not in love with him like I am kookie.

I'm such a fucking whore...

At some moments when I'm sitting in my room, in the dark, all alone, bored to death, I know that the only things they me that would cure my boredom would be sitting and talking to Jungkook. I miss him....but I can't see him. I can't sleep because of it.

I stay up until three trying to block out the thoughts of me and him being as we were last year.