Afraid To Lose You (editing)

-34

"Why can't you just continue our training?"

Napairap ako. Obviously they are all too weak para ipagpatuloy pa iyon. Hindi ko pa nga naibibigay yung best ko para sa combat training nila.

"Obviously, hindi ako mamamatay tao. Seeing you all collapsed in  combat, makes me guaranteed that you're not good enough. Shooting is your last chance. Sa susunod na araw nalang. And because I felt a little guilt, I will train you JUST for one week. And if I see no improvement. Bye bye organization"

Ngumiti na ako sa kanila. Shean guided them upstairs to rest. Umupo na ako sa sofa. Akala ko pa naman may pahinga ako ngayong araw. I guess faith didn't want that.

"You okay?"

Nagulat ako ng bigla akong kinausap ni Rustian. It's been a long time since we have a good conversation.

"Ye-yeah"

"By the way, sorry for not talking to you for months. I'm quite busy right now. I guess this is my time to relax. So tell me, what happened between you two?"

Umayos ako ng upo. I drank first my water and faked a cough.

"Nothing. Same as always. Training, rest, sleep. Nothing important. Nagging malayo na din kami sa isa't isa. But we're comfortable in that distance. I think we just need to fix ourselves. Baka kasi mamaya sa kanya ko mabuntong lahat ng galit ko sa mga tao."

He just nodded. I stare at him. Gwapo din pala.

"Kamusta pag aalaga kay Irina?"

"It's okay, I think they handle it well."

Biglang nagbago yung expression nya. I felt something's wrong,

"I think they are not quite handy at all times"

Bigla kaming tumakbo pataas. Kinuha ko na yung baril ko with tranquilizer. Pag akyat naming, I thought kami lang ang andun. But there were a few people whose trying to unknot Irina.

We're too late. They jumped over our windows. Nakakaurat naman. Bakit ba palagi nalang yun nakakatakas. I think their giving us a hint. I think it's near.

Malapit na kaming magsagupaan. I hate it, I hate it because I'm not ready yet. We're not ready yet. And I'm not ready to die yet.

"Are you okay? You look pale."

I just nod. I will just waste my time trying to be strong. I can do this. We can pass this through. I am not Blaire for nothing.

Sinuot ko yung sinuot ko kanina.

"Blaire I'm sorry."

"Don't touch me! please I want to be alone."

My tears suddenly went down. I want to face this alone without hurting anyone.

"Please Blaire. Pag usapan naman natin 'to"

I want to hug him, I want to kiss him. I want a normal life with him. Pero bakit ko naman iiwasan yung mundong pinakilala sa akin ng magulang ko? I will treasure this with all my life even it's cost it.

"Wala naman tayong dapat pag usapan. If you want, train with me."

Hinila ko yung kamay kong hawak niya. I started running to our training ground.

Hour and hour past, but I'm not strong enough. Hindi ako susuko. Ayoko ng maging mahina.

"Blaire please stop this, your straining yourself. Wala tong magandandang dulot sayo. Please love please"