The two of us - Nichorello

17. Goodbye, my love

<Nicky's POV> 

For the first time in the entire two years I spent in prison, I woke up with a smile. I even brushed my hair a little, kissed Red on the cheek and hugged Vause good morning. In contrast to my friends who were all depressed by my departure, I couldn't wait to get out. 

"Shouldn't you be working in the kitchen, Red?" I asked. 

"There was no way I was going to let my little girl just go like that. Who am I going to watch out after now?" She pouted, tearing up a little. 

"How about me?" Vause joined the conversation. 

"Shut up, and eat Alex." Red stated ironically, making all of us laugh. Weirdly, I would miss these conversations. Even the disgusting food and the neon lights, which blinded you all day. 

"Hey, can I talk to Nicky for a minute?" a small voice asked shyly. Red stroked my hair and Alex winked at me naughtily before leaving the two of us alone. 

"I know that look." I stated with my usual poker face, trying to hide the disappointment tearing my heart apart. How could she do this to me? How could she choose him over me again? 

"I'm sorry, Nicky. But I can't leave him. I just can't."

As usual I acted mean and superior to hide my emotions: "You can. You just don't want to. Morello, you're old enough to take responsibility for your own decisions." 

"Nicky, don't be that way." 

What way? She didn't want me to be sad? Angry? Furious? Dissappointed? Because she was playing this game now for over 7 years and I was sick of it. I couldn't stand to see her face any longer. 

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"You'll come visit me, right?" Vause asked for the twentieth time. 

"Yes, of course. I'll be in town for a couple of weeks before I move back to London." 

"You're going back to your office?"

"No. Although my job is a lot of fun. And my secretary is hot as fuck, I wanted to travel since I was a kid. So... I decided. If you want, of course. Logan, Caleb, you and I travel the world together."

Alex scoffed, unaware that I was being serious.

"What are you talking about? Are you high?" 

"No, I'm not. And I know that it sounds crazy, but I own a company, Vause. Logan and Caleb quit the drug business. Logan got a job as football coach and Caleb is a teacher and model now. If things go well, I could expand my company, start projects internationally all over the world. I mean, drug addicts are everywhere. And since you have experience with drugs too, you can work with me." 

"Are you serious right now?" Vause's eyes widened in excitement. I nodded. 

"I'm so proud of you." She hugged me. 

"You planned to do this with Lorna one day, didn't you?" She asked, her tone suddenly changing to a more melancholy tone. 

"Yeah, but things sometimes don't work out. And besides, who says that you can't satisfy my needs?" I smirked at Alex. 

"Let's don't go down that road." Alex nudged me slightly. I would miss this so much. Alex noticed my change in demeanour and asked: "What's wrong?" 

"It's dumb, so don't laugh at me, but I am really sad about leaving." 

"What do you mean?" 

"This is kind of my home. For the last 2 years I've spent every single day in here. I've got a real family in here, my friends are here, you are here. Red is still here for 10 years. What am I going to do without all of you?" A tear escaped my eye. Vause wiped the tear away, looking at me sheepishly. 

"You're gonna be fine. You're a former drug addict with a realistic dream, I mean how often does this happen? You're gonna do great. Believe me. "

"I have to do something." I rudely disrupted our conversation, but I had to talk to someone before I left. 

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"Knock, knock. Can I come in?" 

"You not still mad at me?" She asked. I shook my head. 

"I'm not really here to say anything, really. I just wanted to thank you for coming in to my life 7 years ago."

"Where is this coming from?" She asked suspiciously. 

"I'm leaving in half an hour and I came to say goodbye. Thought that this time we could both have some closure before moving on with our lives."

"So this is it?" She asked, a tear escaping from her eye. 

"That's what you want isn't it?" 

"Does it really matter what I want?" 

"It's the only thing that matters to me." I answered, hoping for her to change her mind. 

"Goodbye, Nicky. I love you, too." Her words repeated themselves over and over in my head and although 'I love you' was the most beautiful sound, it caused a painful noise in my ears, which made its way through my nerves to my brain, as well as to my heart. For a moment I dug my fingernails into my arm, trying to distract myself from the screaming voices in my head. 

"I want you to know, that if you ever change your mind. If it's tomorrow or in five years. That with us," I reached out for her hands. "It's never off the table. So just reach out for me, you know where to find me." 

The tears began streaming down her face, telling me how much she loved me in response. But I knew, that she felt an obligation towards Vinnie and I should respect that. Sometimes, love isn't enough. Sometimes you just have to have faith that someday, things will turn out all right. 

"Goodbye, my love." I said smiling, pecking her lips softly. Tasting the saltiness of her tears against my tongue, her soft skin against the warmth of my hand. She responded to my kiss, before I pulled away, soon enough for both of us to know that this was a 'Goodbye and not a make out kiss'.

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Vause's face was covered in tears as I exited Lorna's room. Although I felt emotionally very unstable right now, I had never seen Alex this shook up. 

"What happened?" I asked worried.