The two of us - Nichorello

18. Until you change your mind

<Nicky's POV>

Vause's face was covered in tears as I exited Lorna's room. Although I felt emotionally very unstable right now, I had never seen Alex this shook up.

"What happened?" I asked worried.

"You're speech was so beautiful. I just can't explain to myself why you two can't work things out," She sobbed whilst wiping the remaining tears of her cheeks. 

"You were eavesdropping? Seriously, Vause?"  I chuckled. "If that made you cry, you should have listened to all other conversations we had. Believe me this non-relationship is exhausting."

"You really think this is the end of you two?" 

"There is no such thing as the end. "

She smiled at me half-heartedly, the way people smile at a funeral whilst whishing condolances. "You seem awfully confident for someone who just had to separate from the one they love." 

"The only thing I can do now is hope that someday she chooses me. But I can't influence her decision, whether I am depressed or I continue to live happily, it won't change her decision. I'm on the passive end of this relationship. I made clear that I wanted to work things out between us. If she isn't willing to do that there is no point. All I can do now is hope and pray." 

"Slow down priest Nicole." She chuckled, glad that I was doing fine. 

"Don't you call me Nicole, Pearl." Our laughter got interrupted by C.O Healy telling me to pack my stuff. There wasn't much I wanted to take with me. I had a note with all adresses and phone numbers of friends who were already on the outside and some who were going to get out soon. All of my comissary goods I gave to either Vause or Morello. 

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The visitation room filled with sobs from Red and Vause who were reassuring themselves that I would call for the fifth time now. 

"Yes, I will call as soon as possible and I will come to visit you. I am going to earn some money first, but as soon as I've settled in, I will reach out to you. You're going to be fine without me, Ma. You're the russian cook with a quick wit. Noone can mess with you."

She hugged me once again "I am so proud of you, Nicky. And don't take drugs. Even though I am in prison, I still got connections." 

"I love you too, Ma." 

I gave Red a final hug and moved on to Vause. "Sexy glasses, stay out of trouble, especially when Piper comes in. Don't go nuts and don't get extra time, all right? Only few more months for you." 

"Rabbit Pearl, I luv ya too." She responded ironically. 

I couldn't help but tear up a little at the thought of leaving her alone in here. "I love you too," I whispered. "And Vause?" I asked: "Please, keep an eye on Lorna." 

"I will, Nicky. Don't worry. You watch after yourself and don't get thrown back in here." 

I was about to leave as I saw a tiny figure standing in the door frame. Slowly I walked towards her, trying to capture all of her motions. Her silky hair, the soft skin, the crooked smile and the flowery scent. 

"You came to say goodbye?" I asked.

"I don't really know why I am here." 

"I understand." And I really did. Sometimes you just don't know. Although your mind is empty your heart already knows what it wants. 

"Your brain might not know what it wants yet, but your heart always knew that it was me." 

She knew that I wasn't trying to convince or persuade her. It was simply an observation. Without a warning, in front of everyone, she pulled me down to her, connecting our lips for the last time. Only for a second, then she pulled away, our foreheads still connected. 
"Don't do anything stupid, alright?" She asked. I nodded in agreement. Suddenly, leaving didn't seem that easy after all. But I knew, that this didn't mean we were back together. This was simply how she said goodbye, how she gained closure. 

"Nicky Nichols if you don't get your ass over here right now, you won't be leaving for another month," Mr.Healy threatened grumpily. 

"Until you change your mind: Goodbye." I whispered in Lorna's ear. 

I gave Vause and Red a final hug and then was escorted by Mr. Healy to the front gate. I had to sign some legal forms before my realease, but then I was brought to the front gates. I took a moment before pushing the glass door open and stepping outside. 

Wow. How great it felt. The sunlight shining on my face, the wind whistling in my ears, my clothes smelling clean and hygenic. 

"That's exactly how everyone looks once they are let outside." I heard a voice say. The tall blonde made his way over to me coming closer. Instinctively I stepped away, expecting the usual verbal warning from a C.O. For a split second a flinched as he hugged me, before I wrapped my arms around the big guy. 

"Have you been working out?" I asked. 

"Prison was not a piece of cake. Maximum security is on a whole other level." Logan replied whilst heading towards his parked car. Although I wanted to come back to that later, I turned around, throwing a last glance at the prison. My eyes crossed a small crowd standing at the window, waving me. 

A tall raven-haired woman, with two smaller people behind bars, waving. Who could that be? I thought, simulateously chuckling and crying a little.

"Why are you crying?" Logan asked worried, reaching out for my hand.