Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash

Killing Spree

Behind the S-Mart, David, Raoul, and Jarvis sat in Jarvis's '60s era VW bus. The windows were fogged up with smoke, caused by the spliff that was being passed around inside. Jarvis took a drag of Raoul's joint and held the smoke.

"This is a bad idea, man," Raoul said. "David here's a narc!"

In his defense, David said, "I am not a narc, asshole. I just don't like the idea of having curry in my weed!"

"Come on, dude," Jarvis said. "He really wasn't lying; it gives it such a punch!" Jarvis handed him his joint, the end of it smoking softly.

David stared at the joint for a few seconds before saying to himself, "I'm gonna regret this." David took the joint and inhaled deeply. Big mistake; he began coughing wildly and dropped the roach.

"What the hell, Wally White Bread?" Raoul screamed as he scrambled to pick up the joint. "Don't drop the blunt!"

"That's disgusting!" David coughed as Jarvis laughed. Tires screeched to a halt just outside the van, sending Raoul into a blind panic!

"Shit, man," Raoul began screaming. "It's the fucking pigs. David, you fuckin narc-ass..." Raoul and Jarvis began stuffing the hash in the usual appropriate places while David hopped out of the van and walked off.

"It's not the cops, you dumb shits!" David yelled. "It's Carrie." David stepped out of the van. "What the fuck is going on?" he asked her.

"Jason Fucking Voorhees; that's what's going on!" Carrie shouted.

Raoul stepped out of the van, looking shocked and shaken. "Jason Voorhees is real?" He sounded really scared, but it might have been the fact his mind was fucked up from all the hash.

Ash turned to Raoul and said, "Yeah, he's real. Bree's friends just went to Camp Hack 'N Slash at the Voorhees House."

Apparently just now noticing Bree, Raoul turned to Bree and said, "Whoa, baby. You lookin' for some action? You come to the right place."

"Back off, Casa-no-nuts!" Ash screamed. "She just witnessed her friends get butchered like steaks! Something tells me that she isn't interested in your pencil dick right now!" Ash turned to Bree and said, "Come on, honey. Let's get you inside."

"Pencil dick, huh?" Raoul said. "Pencil-dick! I'll show you pencil dick!" Raoul lunged forward, took a swing at the back of Ash's head and connected. Ash tumbled forward before regaining his balance and turning around to kick Raoul in the gut, sending him backwards into David's arms.

"You think you're such a tough guy?" Raoul shouted as David held him back. "I'll tear your geriatric ass up and leave your remains on the curbside!"

Ash had had enough. He swung his left hand at Raoul, hitting him in the left cheek and causing him to see stars!

Shaking off David, Raoul swung back and got Ash in the gut. David tried to get Ash off of Raoul, who had just suffered a body slam by Ash! The two were now rolling in the cold snow on the ground!

Jarvis and David pulled up the two brawlers, but weren't able to hold them apart for very long before they broke free and went at it again. By the time Carrie stepped in between them, the snow was red with blood. Whose it was, however, remained a mystery.

"Enough! Both of you," Carrie shouted, causing them both to stop and stare. "Quit waving your cocks around! You are not impressing anyone with your frat-boy antics! We need to work together if we're gonna survive!" Carrie finished.

"Whatever, bitch!" Raoul exclaimed as he broke free of Ash's grip. "You and Senior-Discount-Days are out of your fucking minds."

And with that, he walked away while Ash, Carrie, Bree, Jarvis and David stood there in the snow.