Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash

On the Lake

I know what you're thinking. You're saying to yourself: "Oh my God! Ash is dead! Who's gonna slay the monsters, save the girl, and get me a refill on my goddamned popcorn?!"

Well, I hate to disappoint you, but this zombie-slaying sales clerk doesn't get paid enough to play waiter to a bunch of pantywaist moviegoers (or, as the case may warrant, book readers). Plus, after all, I'm kind of busy FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE HERE! I'll be back, I promise! Just... give me a minute, would ya?

Have you ever had a ''Eureka'' moment? Most eggheads say it's the moment when you have a huge revelation. It could be a problem you've wrestled with for years or a small nagging concern at the back of your head that finally gets worked out. It could even be the moment that you realize that, no matter what you do, you're fucked!

That you're next in line for the slice and dice, about to go swimming with the fish, the list of analogies goes on and on.

I believe that all victims start to think the same thing at times like this. I also believe that it's that very reaction that drives some of these monsters to do what they do. They feed on that fear and lap it up like a wino with a two-dollar bottle of hooch!

But Krueger... Krueger lives for it! He thrives by drinking in the misery he causes, the fear he generates!

He exists only for the sheer terror in the eyes of his victims as they face their inevitable deaths at the hands of his merciless blades!

That's kind of where my girl Carrie's at right now...

***

1428 Elm Street was in ruins. Shingles lay scattered over the property and wooden planks jutted straight up from the collapsed frame of the house. The only thing left standing was the old furnace in the middle of the rubble, glowing brightly as if nothing had ever happened.

Carrie stood up and ran for the fallen porch.

"Ash, where are you?" She screamed as she sifted through the rubble looking for him. Grabbed a board and jumped backwards as a nail stuck her palm. She looked down at her hands; they were bleeding bad, but she had to find Ash first.

She heard a moan coming from the wood. Digging through the pain, she began pulling off shingles, bricks and wood until she found Ash's head laying on a two-by-four. She pulled him out of the remains of the house and set him on the grass. His eyes were closed, and his jaw was slack at an odd angle. Blood caked his awesomely chiseled, but unmoving, chin

"Get up, Ash. Get up!" She was on the brink of tears. "Ash, I need you! Wake up!"

A low rumble behind her caused her to look behind her. A pair of hands emerged from the wreckage; Freddy Krueger's claws were attached to the end of one of them. Carrie watched in terror as Freddy Krueger rose from the ruins, even more grotesque than it had been before!

His ears had grown slightly, and the holes in his cheeks had grown larger, revealing more of his demon teeth. There were gashes in his clothing and his blades seemed longer and sharper, if that was at all possible. His skin was redder, almost dripping with blood, and pitted with even more of the hideous burns. Krueger looked around and let out a demonic chuckle.

"Guess I really brought down the house, huh Carrie?" He stood at full attention, his arms outstretched.

Carrie picked up the book and ran for the barrier. She felt an icy sensation flow through her as she crossed the barrier out of Springwood and back to Crystal Lake!

The surroundings changed instantly back to the snow and tree-lined shore of the lake. She saw a bunch of ice fishing huts out on the lake and made a dash for them, not daring to look back for Krueger!

"Gotta hide," she said as she bolted for the huts. She opened the door to one of the huts and ran inside. She closed the door just as she hard Krueger outside, singing!

"One, two, I'm coming for you!" Krueger laughed. "You can't hide, Caroline!" Krueger hovered in midair a few feet from the huts. He lowered himself to the ground and said, "What have we here? A little game of cat and mouse, huh Carrie?"

He raised his gloved hand and aimed it at one of the huts. His glove began to glow brightly. Suddenly, the hut exploded in a shower of wood and ice.

"Not under that one... What about this one?" He aimed at another one and it, too, exploded.

"How about here?" Another one exploded.

Carrie waited terrified as the huts around her exploded. She huddled in the corner, the Necronomicon in her hands.

"It's not real... Go away... It's not real..."

WHOOSH!!!

The hut flew upwards, leaving Carrie on the ground. She looked up to see the hut flying away and Krueger hovering above her. The hut continued to fly, then exploded, raining wood down upon both of them.

"Oh, God..." Carrie whispered.

"God?! Is that what you want?! I can give it to you!" Krueger shouted. He lowered himself to the ground. He lifted up his shirt, revealing his scarred and bloody body. He raised one claw and placed it on his gut.

"This is my body. It is your bread." With that, he dug into his flesh and drew his claw across his gut, making a line. He removed his claw and placed it on his chest. He dug into his chest and drew his claw straight down. He began to bleed, but not like a normal person. His blood was green, sizzling like acid as it slid down his chest.

"This is my blood! It shall be your wine!"

He floated back into the air and posed himself in a crucified manner, revealing the inverted cross he had carved into his flesh!

"Bread and wine, all for you Caroline! Now eat me, bitch!" Carrie turned and ran, book still in her hands. Freddy floated back down to the ground a few feet in front of her!

"I'll take that, bitch!" Freddy extended his hand and the Necronomicon flew out of her arms and into his waiting hand!

"I wouldn't want to get it bloody when I split you from bitch-box..." Krueger placed one blade of his glove at the corner of Carrie's mouth, caressing her lips. He moved the glove southwards and placed the tip of the blade on her crotch; he dug the blade into the denim and ripped a hole in her jeans. "...to whore-hole!" He raised his glove, ready to strike...

A crunch behind him caused him to turn. Jason Voorhees stood behind him, his mask cracked in several spots and covered in soot and dust!

"Oh, what now?!" Krueger yelled.

Jason, obviously, remained silent. Then, Jason Voorhees punched Freddy Krueger right in the goddamned face!