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"c'mere" he breathes out to you as he tugs your hand, pulling you closer. his hot breath, that reeks of tequila, fans over your face; his lips centimetres apart from yours. every time he lures you into this game he likes to play, you can't help but join, letting your tongues fight for dominance. you couldn't help but feel like his toy though. too out of it, to get into it. his hands were everywhere, gripping onto you like his life depends on it, however, it doesn't distract you from the eyes that stare at the both of you.
hands pushing him away, you let him hold you close as his eyes look down at you in confusion. you know you just completely ruined his plan, but you are sick of carrying out his 'plan' every time you are with him and she is in the same room. he didn't even give you a chance to explain yourself before he is dragging you into his bedroom, away from the drunken guests and the loud, booming music.
this is the last straw. you let shawn constantly glare at the guy who is politely speaking to you. you let him wrap his arms around your waist and ask the guy if he has a problem. you let him openly tell the random guy that you're 'his'. but you let him stick his tongue down her throat. you let him touch her like he touches you. but you then let him cry and complain to you about how she won't take him back. why are you going to continue to let this happen?
the door slams behind you and the sound of the lock synchronises perfectly with the beat of the music. "what the fuck y/n?" his voice is full of frustration yet so soft and sweet... and he wonders why you get mixed signals. "we had a deal!" he adds on to his last sentence. "hope i distract you enough from the girl that you love," you fire back, feeling guilt and anger rise in your stomach.
his honey eyes stare into yours and you can't help but feel bad for ruining his plan, but you also want to punch him in his gorgeous face for using you like you're some kind of toy. "you know it's not like-"
you had to cut him off, couldn't listen to his bullshit excuses anymore and let him use his charm to talk his way out of this. "i've been doing the same you're just a boy that i-"
he cut you off. it's like a game of who can rile each other up more by trying to interrupt each other's sentences as you can't bear to hear the end of it. "don't finish that sentence." his voice is demanding and firm like he doesn't even want to imagine about what you've been doing. he will say you're nothing more than friends but get riled up with you when you go live your life.
brushing past him, you snatch your overnight bag off the cold bedroom floor and fling it onto his bed, ready to stuff all your belongings inside as quickly as you possibly can. "i hope i keep the side of the bed warm." the contrast of your now soft voice from your rough one from earlier, is unbelievable. you don't know why you feel upset because you knew from the start you were getting yourself into this mess when you agreed to make shawn's ex jealous. but it has gone on too long.
"y/n don't be silly." his warm hand on your bare shoulder, somehow makes a wave of comfort wash over you, but you can't give in to him again. you know you can't.
you are quick to fling his hand off your shoulder and turn to face his face that his full with curiosity and shame. "cause that's the only thing you've been keeping me around for." it may have been cold but he knows you can be colder than that.
you stuff the odd piece of clothing that is scatted around the floor into your bag and you soon are aggressively ripping most of your clothes from the hangers in your wardrobe. you don't know why you allowed yourself to fall into his trap of keeping him company but without putting a label on the both of you.
his head is in his hands as he sits on the end of the bed, probably thinking of words that can absorb you back into this toxic relationship, that he wouldn't even class as a relationship. "y/n, why?" the short mumble, tumbles out of his lips and your blood boil at the stupid question that he just asked.
"we won't say how we're feeling because we're 'unsure'" you quote him. he knows you just did it. because it's something he always says. never can give you a straight up answer. "because we love playing this game of who can less more!" you sarcastically scoff at him, looking down at his frustrated self, unable to process why he's feeling sorry for himself when he has let this happen.
the pounding bass of the music is soon the only sound that is filling the room, except with the sound of the material of your clothes brushing against your bag as you shove them inside.
finally flinging the bag on your shoulder, you are ready to walk out of his life. for good. find someone who can show you off and not use you. find someone who isn't unsure about the connection they have with you. but of course, shawn tries to stop that for one last beg. his tall frame, standing in front of the door, blocking your only exit. "please" you expect a long speech about how he admires you and wants you to stay around. but, he looks speechless at the fact this time, you mean it.
"it's a contest, of who can care less more." you shake your head with a weak chuckle, leaving your lips, realising that you completely let all this blow over, not realising that you've just been a comfort pillow. someone for pleasure and relief.
with all your might, you have to move him away from the door. you can't stay here a minute longer. unlocking the door and storming out of his crowded condo, ignoring all the calls of your name and the stares from his friends.
tears crawl down your face unwillingly as you sit on the curb, waiting for your uber to arrive, watching the minutes on your phone tick by. all the thoughts in your head about leaving him have now erased and been replaced with all of them good times you actually had. maybe you were falling for him, maybe if you told him it would be different.
sat in the uber with the quiet hum of the radio, the anticipation of his voice blasting through the speakers was unbearable. but you had to be tough because leaving a toxic relationship is the easy part, avoiding getting back into it is the toughest one of them all.
your phone buzzes in your hand, your daydreams being interrupted and your heart speeding up a little. shawn. come on y/n. be strong.
from shawn: please, let's talk this through.
your heart was saying yes but your head is smarter than your heart. your head protects the heart from being broken into pieces. that's if it already hasn't broken.
to shawn: idk, why you wasted all of your time laying next to me.
you know his response is going to be something like 'because you mean a lot to me y/n' or 'i need you in my life' so your fingers are quick to dance across the keyboard and type a response.
to shawn: if you really wanted her so bad, it's where you'd be.
watching the ellipsis appear on the screen you read your message over. it's true. you know he feels something deep down for you. if he didn't and wants his ex back, as much as he said he did, then why isn't he trying it with her instead of using you for a good fuck.
from shawn: i want her, i need you.
smooth reply. you can't let it consume you though. can't let yourself think you're important in his life anymore.
to shawn : why you wasting all of your time, busy texin' me
