Slowly Freaking Out

15- Humpty Dumpty

“What was she thinking?!” I explode, pacing back and forth in Miles’ bedroom as he sits on the bed, watching me in confusion.

“What was who thinking?” He wonders, considering I had just barged in here angrily and that was my response when he asked me what was wrong.

“Mae!” I fume.

“Are you mad that she’s trying to fix you up with Jesse?” He asks me curiously.

I shake my head. “No, I’m not. I guess I kind of set myself up for that part. But it’s just that after we left here, she invited all of her friends over, which was totally fine until she freaking announced in front of all of them that I like Jesse.”

“Wow, that’s-“

“No, she didn’t even announce it. She forced me to say it! How humiliating is that? I wanted to die. I mean, what am I supposed to say when she’s all ‘We have good news! Well, Logan, you go ahead and tell them’? I can’t just turn that around and not say it but she practically made me say it.”

“They’re a lot more optimistic than you, Logan,” Miles informs me with a constricted laugh as if he started laughing but then realized that it was a bad idea, so he shoved it back down his throat before I did it for him.

“What is that supposed to mean?” I wonder, spinning over to look at him as I stop my agitated pacing.

“It just means that when Mae and her friends think that somebody has a crush, they become hell bent on getting those two together. They’re big believers in true love and romance and all of the things that you don’t believe in. So having a crush isn’t something to be embarrassed about, it’s something to celebrate. You know?” He tries to offer an explanation for Mae’s behavior yesterday.

Even thinking about it now, I feel a shiver of mortification run down my spine. Everything from Mae announcing my supposed crush on Jesse in front of Miles up to when I was able to escape the group after ice cream by faking a sore throat just so that I could avoid hearing them talk more about me and Jesse and how cute we would be together. The whole thing was just a nightmare. They were all so happy for me, as if having a crush on somebody is just the most exciting thing ever in the world.

“But I don’t want them to be excited for me,” I point out.

“You were excited for Mae, weren’t you?” Miles tries to reason for me. “When she liked Landon, you were always pushing them together a little bit.”

“Yeah, but that was because I knew that Mae wanted to be with him,” I explain. “And I knew that it was what she wanted. She wanted to be with him and everything, but she knows that I don’t want a relationship. I told her that it was just a stupid crush. She’s not even thinking about what I want.”

“Then go talk to her,” He suggests.

“I can’t. Not right now, she’s at dance practice,” I sigh, finally calming down a little bit from my rage-induced pacing habit. I’d been worked up about what happened yesterday all night and just now, before I came into Miles’ room to vent, I had finally had enough of keeping it all to myself. I had to complain to somebody. “I’m going to talk to her when she gets back though.”

“Good. Now, are you calmed down?” He wonders, scooting closer to me and placing his hand on my knee. “Because we have a few hours before Mae gets back.”

I rest my head on his shoulder and nod. “Yeah.”

“I could just call Jesse over if you’d prefer,” He mumbles teasingly into my ear.