Slowly Freaking Out

20- How Do You Think I Am?

Mae’s POV

“If we were meant to be together, we would be together,”  Leo, the main male character in The Vow says.

Tears start to slowly stream down my face as I watch the movie. It is probably not the best idea to watch sad, cheesy, romantic movies when I feel heartbroken, but I can’t be bothered to do anything else but lie in bed all day. I close my eyes since my eyelids were starting to feel really heavy, like they were made of some sort of brick. I hug my duvet closer to my chest, hoping that if I stay like this for long enough, maybe I will be taken to another world. Another world where I wasn’t feeling like this- like my heart has been driven over by a SUV and then by a heavy truck. Another world where I am happy, where I’m not lying on my bed watching sappy romantic movies on repeat. Another world where I can escape from this reality for a little bit. However I know that’s not gonna happen- I know that I am not going to be taken to another world. I am going to stay here and have to face this reality. 

I continue to lie like that- with my knees tucked up to my chest, my eyes closed. I start to feel myself slowly drift off, into a land of sleep. I am about to fall into a deep sleep, but before I can, I hear a knock on my bedroom door. 

“Leave me alone,” I crock out, not bothering to open my eyes or lift my head up. I just can’t be bothered to move at all. 

I begin to think that whoever was on the other side of my door has left, but then I hear the sound of my door closing, meaning someone must have opened it. I feel the bed dip down, indicating that someone has sat down onto it. 

“Mae,” Logan whispers. I feel her brush some of my hair out of my face. “How are you?” 

I let out a humourless laugh, opening my eyes briefly to look up at her. “How do you think I am?” I close my eyes again, just wanting her to leave. I mean, don’t get me wrong, Logan is one of my best friends and she’s awesome, but I really just need to be alone right now. 

“Okay, you are right, that was a stupid question,” She reasons, rubbing circular, soothing motions on my back. 

I don’t answer her, desperately wanting her to take a hint and just leave. After a few minutes, I realize she isn’t taking the hint, and remains sitting on my bed. 

“Logan,” I heave out a long, dramatic sigh. 

“Yeah?” She speaks up. 

“Can you please leave?” I ask as I start to feel a pounding headache begin to form. 

She doesn’t respond right away, but eventually I feel the weight on the bed diminish, meaning she has stood up. “Okay, sure,” She replies.  “If you need anything just call me.” And with that, I hear her feet pad across the floor to the short distance from my bed to the door, and then she is gone, out of my room. 

I look back up to my TV, and see that The Vow is still playing. I guess I just stopped paying attention to it anymore. 

More tears begin to poor out of my eyes, falling down steadily, not stopping for a while, like the current of a fast moving river. Not even the wonderful Channing Tatum can make me feel any better in the slightest bit. 

I close my eyes, and finally let myself fall into a deep sleep. 

*** 

My deep slumber doesn’t last nearly as long as I hoped it would. Even though we all know that I hoped my deep slumber would’ve lasted forever, and that’s unrealistic. As humans, we are allowed to hope and dream though. I look at the clock on my bedside table, and see that it is now 3:47 PM. I must have been asleep for a good few hours, because last time I checked the clock it was a little after 12 o’clock and that was before Logan came into my room to check up on me. My stomach lets out this loud grumble noise, indicating that I am hungry, which I am. I sigh and push the duvet off of me, deciding to get up and leave my room for once in the past 15 hours.