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Prologue

Keep the fire burning, they say.

Back when I was still not a sickly boy whose home is the hospital, my soul was always on fire. I would chase things that make me happy. I would wake up everyday with a drive to try something new.

And I have made it clear to myself what I want to do and what I don't want to do. When I was a child, I already knew what I wanted--to pursue art. Perhaps it's more than just a hobby to me. It's where I get a sense of fulfillment; it gives me a purpose.

My dad was a visual artist who used to hold solo shows. Seeing how he could bring his imagination into life with his own hand, it inspired me to do the same. My little eyes were always beaming with glory while looking up at his masterpieces hanged on walls. The idea of being able to create works of art fascinated me.

I chased art as if it is the sunlight I needed to bloom... Until everything went to a downhill and I found myself slowly running out of time.

Life is short, so make the most out of it. Iyon ang palagi kong naririnig na sinasabi ng iba. It's easy for them to say because they got their life together. Their future is flashed right before their very eyes.

But for someone whose life span is significantly shorter than most people... I don't know what my future has in store for me.

Bumuntong-hininga ako. I was piling up the thoughts inside my mind, lips touching the end of my pen. My eyes were zoomed on a scented paper fresh from the bookstore.

After all, Van Gogh is telling me up from the heaven, "Go seeking. Go striving. Do it with all your heart." And so I did.

"Sean?"

Napatigil ako sa pagsusulat nang may kumatok sa pinto. Itinupi ko sa kalahati ang papel na sinusulatan ko at itinago ito sa ilalim ng unan. Whoever's outside, she wouldn't want to see my messy handwriting.

"Pasok po," I announced loud enough just for her to hear my voice beneath the door.

Bumukas ang pinto at pumasok ang mama ko, may halong pait ang ngiti sa labi. I smiled back. I haven't seen her for days because she was busy with work. She was still wearing a corporate attire as though she just got out from work.

"Bakit hindi ka pa tulog?" Iyon ang bungad niya.

She gave me a look and glanced at the wall clock. It's past 10 in the evening. Ang ilaw malapit sa kama ko ang tanging nakabukas, sapat lang para makita ko ang sinusulat ko kanina. Dumudungaw din sa bintana ang liwanag mula sa bilog na buwan.

"Kaka-check lang ho sa akin ni Nurse Angie."

I let out an awkward smile, feeling guilty because I lied. My nighttime nurse actually checked up on me early in the evening. I'm already a bit heavy-eyed but I decided to stay up a little longer, for I was still not so sure what will happen tomorrow.

Mama walked in with a plastic bag of different fruits, asking me to eat everything as if I don't devour fruits everyday. Wala naman silang ibang dinadala sa akin kung 'di mga prutas at gulay. Kapag nagluluto si Mama ay dinadalhan niya rin ako ng ready-to-eat meals. Sabi ko hindi na naman niya kailangang gawin iyon dahil pinapakain naman ako rito sa ospital, but she still insists. I like it better, though. I was so fed up with bland hospital food.

"May saging dito, ah. Sabihin mo kay Nurse Angie para hindi niya makalimutan tuwing kakain ka. Kailangan ng katawan mo ang potassium, anak."

I sighed while watching her arrange the fruits in the pantry. When she met my eyes, I gave her a pleading look, hoping she would grant my cravings this time.