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Chapter 24

I was once dwelling in rock bottom, sinking into the deepest abyss. My mind made me feel so worthless. It made me think that I was all alone in the darkness... But then, he came and reached out to help me climb back into the light.

We cannot always be happy in life, but we can always choose to be brave. That's when everything begins.

And I chose to be brave because he was braver. He had shown me that there's so much more to life. That art was more than just my hobby. It's an escape from the chaos inside my head, a journey through self-discovery, a passion fueled with purpose. He had shown me that we can pursue whatever our heart desires if we have the courage to do so; that we should not let fear go in the way of our chase towards freedom.

He once told me that being a great artist is not defined by fame or prizes. And I'm here to prove it. That I'm great. That Sean Jaiden Divino, who inspired me, is even greater.

Nilibot ko ang aking mga mata sa paligid. Everything just reminds me of the first painting competition na sinalihan namin ni Sean. Iyong ginanap sa university namin last year. I smiled while reminiscing those memories. It was fun painting with him even if I was driven by pressure that time.

Napapalibutan ang art hall ng naglalakihang mga canvas. The decorations look so elegant, even the lights make the place feel cozy and classy. Every contestant sat in front of their easels.

How I wish Sean was with me right now to witness this moment.

There was a lady emcee on the stage, stating the mechanics and clarifying everything before the contest proper. "You are given four hours to finish your artworks. Exceeding within the alloted time leads to disqualification. Good luck, everyone!"

As soon as she announced that we may now start, I immediately grabbed the paintbrush on the small circular table beside me. I dipped it in white paint then smeared it into the prussian blue, mixing until the colors were blended evenly.

I brought my coated brush to the empty canvas and dragged it over, covering the entirety of the fabric with a shade of blue. I love the feeling when the bristles scratch the bare fabric. I love how every stroke forms a distinct shape until it becomes a work of art.

Brushing stray hair out of my face with the back of my hand, I dipped my brush in a darker shade of blue. I made sure that every shade that I used was applied thoughtfully. I treated them as emotions which I had to express through this painting.

I am here right now. That's all that matters. I didn't think too much about my competitors nor the judges. Ang mahalaga ay ginagawa ko 'to para sa amin ni Sean. Lahat ng napag-usapan namin, lahat ng plano ko, I tried my best to execute them well.

And after hours of continuous working, I finally finished my painting. I gazed at the boy painted on my canvas.

Nilinis ko ang area ko pagkatapos. Hinugasan ko ang mga brush at palette. Nang maubos na ang timer ay pina-display sa harap ang gawa ng bawat contestant. Bitbit ang easel, naglakad ako patungo sa stage at ipinatong doon ang painting ko. Kinuhanan ko iyon ng picture para ipakita kay Sean bukas.

"Ikaw ang may gawa niyan?"

Napalingon ako sa babaeng katabi ko. She's my fellow contestant. Wari ko'y mas matanda siya sa akin ng ilang taon. Tumango ako at nginitian siya.

She thoughtfully gazed at my painting, her eyes reflecting astonishment. "Grabe, ang ganda."

"Thank you," tugon ko at ngumiti.

I was honestly flattered. This was the first time that I heard a stranger compliment my art. Ang gaan pala sa pakiramdam. Ang sayang malaman na may nakaka-appreciate ng gawa mo. Parang nagbibigay ito ng encouragement na ipagpatuloy lang ang ginagawa mo at ibahagi lang ang talento mo sa mundo, because there will always be people who look up to you and aspire to do what you can do.

I'm sorry, Jai, mali pala ako. My artworks are not for my eyes only... They are for the world to see.

"Good luck, ah! I'm rooting for you." An uplifting smile appeared on the girl's face. Nagpaalam na siya sa akin at umalis.

Nag-ikot ako sa venue at kinuhanan ng pictures ang mga painting ng ibang contestant. Mamamangha si Sean kapag nakita niya ang mga 'to. Tama nga si Guia at magagaling na artists ang mga kasali rito. Wala akong masabi sa husay nilang lahat at sa ganda ng mga gawa nila. I felt so grateful to be part of this opportunity.

Matapos kong maglibot ay umuwi na ako. Mamayang hapon pa ilalabas ang results at gaganapin ang awarding ceremony, pero hindi ko na iyon hinintay. Hindi na mahalaga sa 'kin ang magiging results. What I knew was I gave all my best, and I think that was enough.

I wasn't able to win an award. Pinanood ko sa Facebook ang live event ng awarding ceremony. Si Kuya Dave na president ng Campus Art League ang itinanghal na First Place sa category namin. I felt so proud! Sayang, hindi kami nagkita kanina sa venue dahil sa dami ng contestants. I even forgot to ask him kung sasali ba siya rito. Sigurado akong magpapa-blow out siya sa buong CAL. This was a prestigious achievement for the club as well.

Pag-uwi ko sa bahay ay wala si Papa. Wala rin sa paligid si Jaiden. Hinanap ko siya at tinawag mula sa lahat ng sulok ng bahay pero hindi ko siya makita. Lumabas na rin ako sa kalye at nagtanong-tanong sa mga kapitbahay pero hindi raw nila nakita ang pusa ko.

Doon na pumintig ang dibdib ko. He can't be missing. Hindi siya pwedeng mawala sa akin.

Naisipan kong tawagan si Papa. Hindi ko alam kung saan siya pumunta dahil day-off naman niya ngayong araw. Bago ko pa man mahanap ang number niya sa contacts, nakita ko na mayroon pala siyang text sa akin kanina lang noong nasa contest ako.

Anak, nabangga si Jaiden ng sasakyan kanina kasi nakalabas siya sa kalsada. Dinala ko siya dito sa vet.

Natutop ko ang bibig ko. Jusko, si Jaiden. Hindi ko kakayanin kung bigla na lang siyang mawawala gaya kung paano nawala si Maki sa akin.

Lalabas na sana ako ng bahay para puntahan si Papa, pero kumunot ang noo ko nang makitang puno pala ang Messenger ko ng unopened messages. Karamihan ay galing sa mga kaibigan ko. Naguguluhan ako. Ano'ng nangyayari? Alam naman nilang nasa contest ako kanina.

Dali-dali kong binuksan ang Messenger ko kahit hindi ko alam kung ano ang maaari kong makita. Binasa ko ang unang chat na bumungad sa akin.

The next thing I knew was that my hands suddenly lost grip of my phone and it fell to the floor. My fingertips were shaking. My heart was throttling. Ni hindi ako nakagalaw. I was frozen... numb... breathless.

I still need to see my cat. Jaiden needed me. I turned around and tried to walk away... but before I could even take a step, my knees weakened and I found myself slowly falling on the floor. Tinakasan ako ng lakas at nanghina ang buong katawan ko. I covered my mouth as I began to cry.

Excruciating pain is taking over me. It's tormenting my mind. It's thudding against my chest. I had to endure this feeling... all alone.

I bursted out in bitter tears when Patricia's message finally hit my senses.

Clary, wala na si Sean.

I had broken my promise to bring Jaiden to him. I had broken my promise to let him see the pictures I captured during the competition. I had been depending on the few years worth of time he had remaining. He has been probably doing so too, but there was not a speckling of hint that his life was going to end... just when I was learning to stand on my own feet while still depending on him. Ang hirap. Ang hirap-hirap tanggapin.

After saying good luck to me earlier this morning... he never opened his eyes again. Pat told me that Sean died around 8:30AM while the doctors were performing the surgery. It was just a few minutes after my contest had just started.

It was just a day... It was just a day after admitting he's glad that he met me again. It was just a day after admitting that he's tired and he wanted to take a rest. It was just a day after lying under the moonlight while being embraced by the calm breeze. It was just a day after I finally said those three words which he will never hear again.

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