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Chapter 18

I had been finally discharged out of the hospital but I still spend most of my time there. I needed to undergo a series of check-ups and started to take my prescribed medicines for schizophrenic episodes and depression on an increasing dosage.

Sa loob ng ilang buwang lumipas, napansin kong unti-unti nang bumubuti ang kalagayan ko. I started eating properly. I tried to gain enough sleep. I started talking to my friends again. Lagi silang nariyan para sa akin at kailanman hindi ko naramdaman na mag-isa lang ako.

There are days that I still break down, but I am getting better. Slowly, yet noticeably.

Pero kasabay ng pagbuti ng kalagayan ko ay ang paglala ng sakit ni Sean. Nakita ko kung paano humihina ang katawan niya. He could hardly stand on his own feet. He lost his appetite. He had sleep problems.

During his weakest days, I never left his side. Lagi ko siyang sinasamahan tuwing may check-up o therapy siya. Lagi akong nasa ospital at kulang na lang ay doon na ako matulog. Just like what I had promised, I stayed with him.

Nakahiga lang ako rito sa kama ko at nakatitig sa kisame. Sabado ngayon at walang klase. Natapos ko na lahat ng homeworks ko. Wala na akong kailangang gawin kaya naisip kong puntahan si Sean.

Lalabas na sana ako ng pintuan ng kwarto pero nagitla ako nang bumungad sa akin si Papa.

"Happy birthday to you!"

Lumiwanag ang mukha ko nang makita ko siyang may dalang isang chocolate cake.

Right. My 18th birthday was today. Muntik nang mawala sa isip ko iyon. Ang bilis umusad ng mga araw at masyado akong naka-focus sa pagpapagaling ko kaya hindi ko namalayan ang petsa.

I stifled a smile. 18 years and I'm still here. It had been months since I attempted to end my own life, but I had reached this far. I managed to survive. Barely. But I still did.

And it's all because of the people I love. They urged me to keep going. They became my backbone, my support system. They motivated me to pick up my broken pieces, to heal, to smile, to be happy. They were my inspiration, and I promised myself that I would never want to see them cry because of me again.

"Happy birthday, 'nak! Wish muna," sinabi ni Papa at itinapat malapit sa mukha ko ang cake na may nakasinding kandila.

Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko.

This time, I wouldn't wish for myself. I wouldn't wish for my suffering to stop... Because there's somebody out there who doesn't deserve to suffer more than I do.

The universe knew how much I wanted for Sean to be healed.

Hinipan ko ang apoy ng kandila at nginitian si Papa.

"Saan mo gustong pumunta ngayon?"

Napangiti ako nang sumagi sa isipan ko ang lugar kung saan ko gustong mag-celebrate ng birthday.

Dali-dali akong umakyat papunta sa hospital room ni Sean habang may bitbit na dalawang box ng egg pie. Alam ko namang favorite niya ito. Ako naman ang may birthday kaya ako ang manlilibre.

Si Papa ay may bitbit na mga supot ng pagkain. Ice cream, pastas, pizzas. Imbitahan ko raw ang mga kaibigan ko kaya mamaya ay tatawagan ko sina Guia. I felt elated. Knowing that my friends would come over, I know this is going to be fun.