Achieving Serenity

Stealing First Base

The power of community

It was just two years ago that Mark Dufrane stood in the desert with the barrel of his .45 caliber handgun inside his mouth. Today he can still vividly remember the metallic taste of the gun powder. Mark was facing ten years in prison for criminal theft and writing fraudulent checks; he stole from his own brother-in-law. He was a respected psychotherapist specializing in the field of addiction for over 30 years and had over thirty-six years of sobriety. All of his recovery background and knowledge seemed to all mean nothing, as gambling proved to be his demon he continuously battled to no avail.

He credits his granddaughter for saving his life. She called him right before he pulled the trigger, and the sound of her voice and the implicit love and care she expressed with her tender, innocent voice caused him to put the gun away. He drove back home, willing to face whatever legal ramifications were coming his way.

Mark's lawyer did miraculous work for him, and after only spending thirty days in jail, Mark re-entered society with a new love for life. He gained strong, meaningful relationships with some of the jail staff, and Mark decides to become a guard at the same jail he was convicted to. Nowadays Mark is brimming with a new energy that seems to suggest apparent serenity, but something is not quite right inside his mind.

Just like last year, Mark was appointed to be the manager of the inmates in the annual Guards vs. Inmates baseball game. He jumped at the opportunity when he heard they were looking for a manager because Mark always enjoyed a new competitive and potentially thrilling experience. He honestly believed his team had a shot against the guards, but their right-fielder Billy Jarkins seemed to predictably blow it for them. The guy would strike out if his bat was a gong, and miss flyballs if his glove was a tangle net.

He needed Billy out of the lineup. For some reason, and Mark noted that this was most likely unhealthy, but he felt like he hated Billy Jarkins. If it weren't for him, the inmates would have won that game for sure. This year Mark wanted to get creative, and his old ways were seemingly catching up with him.

He had gotten to known several sketchy characters from his days around the jails and from his substantial attendance at Gamblers Anonymous meeting. Mark knew of several former MLB players who were GA members and knew they were financially struggling. Through months of calculated and intense manipulation, Mark had successfully organized a casino robbery in complete secrecy.

The problem was- the heist carried out exactly as planned. Mark was certain they weren't going to be able to make it out in time, would certainly be caught and sentenced to his jail. The four men made it out of there in record time, and Mark couldn't believe his eyes when his associate brought back his cut in a manila envelope.

Mark was baffled by this contradictory victory, as inwardly he felt defeated. The annual baseball game was in two weeks, and he was stuck managing Billy Shit-Stick Jarkins. He was going to have to face this inevitable defeat and shame as the guards laughed at him and his players. Mark didn't care about money and never did. He cared about winning.

The Inmates lost the game by a score of 9-2. Out of everyone involved, it seemed Mark was the most emotionally invested. He got intermittent flashbacks of his suicide attempt. He remembers the little things he learned from his lifetime battle with gambling addiction. It doesn't matter if it's $14 or $14 million- the sting and subsequent emptiness were the same. The feeling of not being done playing- but the whistle has blown and the field has been cleared.

Mark became very detached from his wife and was taking this trivial loss way too hard. All he could think about was how he was going to win next year. He needed to pull off another heist- one that was guaranteed to fail.

Mark was asking the universe to free him of these egotistical and inescapable thoughts. He was granted this wish when his wife decides to leave him, growing tired of his negative and arrogant ways. All of a sudden, love is all that's on Mark's mind, and once again he is feeling lonely and suicidal.

He standing next to a jail cell at work one day feeling very depressed and lonely. It was then that he heard a voice say, "Hey Boss- what's on your mind?" Mark looked over and saw Billy, giving him a cordial look as he always did. Fucking Billy. There was something about him- though. Why was he always happy? The guy was in jail for another 25 years for arson, but for some reason he never let anything bother him.

Mark begins talking with the inmate and feels a sense of inspiration. The two men chat for hours and are growing what appears to be a genuine friendship. Mark realizes where he was gone wrong and grows tired of his psychopathic and manipulative tendencies.

The next year, the former MLB players end up in the same jail that Mark is a guard at. Mark asks to step down as the inmates' manager, and requests to play on the guards' team.