Achieving Serenity

Vivacious Rebel

Being in the moment with the ones you love

As Mary lay on her lonely couch, she reminisced on her fifty years of life and tried to pinpoint when she first became such a rebellious outsider. She was adopted when she was two years old and though her new family took her in with a strong love, Mary acted out often with bratty indignation. She vividly recalls the time she broke her arm at the beach after her mother strictly ordered her to get down off that cliff.

"You're not my real mom- you can't tell me what to do!" Mary screeched back before springing off onto the rocky waters below.

Mary continued to think about all the times she treated her mother terribly, failing to appreciate the irrefutable love and care she had. The memory of the drive where Mary called her mother the C-word crept in to focus. Mary had always felt justified in her decision, feeling completely humiliated after her mother told her she was "grossly obese." However, all she could think about now was how wonderful and loving her mother was.

Mary hadn't flown over to see her mother in years. The woman had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's diseases a few months back, and since then phone conversations with her have blatantly grown loopy and repetitive, leaving Mary with a deep sense of morose and remorse. Last Tuesday she didn't even remember who Mary was.

Mary spends the next year falling into a dark depression. She can't imagine losing her mother and misses how she was able to always make her feel better. Mary confides in her best friend Shirley, telling her about how guilty she feels for being so awful to her mother. She misses her mother; most specifically she misses how she was always able to make her feel better. Mary tells Shirley that ever since the diagnosis, she feels she doesn't have anyone to talk to anymore.

This hurt Shirley's feelings, but she wanted her friend to feel happy again. She asks her, "Why don't you go visit her?" Mary explains how this merely isn't possible due to her work scheduling. She barely gets by enough to pay each month's rent and can't afford to take the time off.

Mary's deterioration grows more apparent and one day she gets the call from her sister that her mother has passed. Immediately bursting into tears, Mary attempts her best to accept this inevitable moment she has been fearing for so long. Mary's sister tells her she will pay for her to be able to come to the funeral- a financial offer that she was always willing to give Mary.

Months pass and all Mary can think about is how shameful she feels for not having visited her mother. She feels guilty for not calling her enough, or mindfully appreciating the moments they did share on the phone. After logging four and a half years of abstinence from meth, Mary calls up her old dealer to escape her thoughts of despair.

Mary's drug use only gradually increases until she experiences a tragic overdose. She dies alone in her house, feeling high and regretful of how she treated her mother.

Mary wakes up in an afterlife, welcomed by her mother and a community of loved ones. She is ecstatic by the present moment of being back with her mother, but eventually, this enthusiasm wears off. Mary learns that in the afterlife she is able to view any part of her lifetime on Earth. She grows obsessed with living in her most precious memories and analyzing her mistakes.

She begins to isolate from her heavenly community, becoming addicted to her past. She grows tired of the good memories, finding more pleasure in watching all the bad memories. She watches herself and relives the dark, depression she once encompassed as a living soul. All she can think about is cursing herself for not spending more time in the present moment on Earth.

Mary emerges from her heavenly quarters one day to see she is no longer in the same afterlife she once knew. It is now a lonely, quiet setting with a dark unfamiliarity. She has been mysteriously relocated to a heavenly isolation. To her oblivion, she is only able to return to the Heaven she once knew when she is able to appreciate and enjoy the present moment in her new afterlife.

Instead of accepting her reality and mindfully being in the present, she worried and regretted. She spent the next year in her palace of pity reminiscing on her old afterlife, regretting that she wasn't more presently enjoying herself.

Mary awoke on her lonely couch, vivaciously recalling her dream in its entirety. She looked around as she attempted to regain her real consciousness and surroundings. It was only three months ago that her mother had been diagnosed. Mary picked up her cell phone and said the words, "Call Debra."

"Calling Debra," Siri replied as Mary put her phone to her ear.

"Hey Mary, what's up?" her sister answered into the phone.

"Hi, Deb. I want to go visit mom but Ican't afford it. Would you be willing to help me out?"