Achieving Serenity

High School Reunion

Fearing failure

Daniel didn't want to go to his high school reunion because he had nothing positive to report to his old friends. He didn't even know about it until his twin brother Jacob showed him the Facebook event. Daniel wasn't on Facebook; he hated seeing the accomplishments of his peers and taking a look at his own life, feeling inept so he had deactivated his account years ago.

Jacob was going to go despite also not having much going on in his life. The brothers lived together in a house their parents had bought them, but currently were both unemployed. Jacob had some funds saved up from his previous job, while Daniel, struggling with fantastical inner-demons, mooched off of his parents as much as he possibly could.

"Just go with me, Danny. It'll be fun to see everyone again!" Jacob said, looking up from his mobile device as the two were seated on a couch with the television on.

"I don't know what I want to do with my life! It'll be embarrassing to have everyone ask me what I've been up to, and I'll have nothing to say."

"Who cares? I don't have much going on either. I bet most of the people there are struggling just as bad as you feel you are," Jacob replied in his apparently more amicable tone comparable to his twin's.

"At least you have a plan. You want to become a lawyer and you can talk about how you're going to law school next semester. I don't even know what I would say," Daniel said, looking around the room as if he was attempting to find his life's calling right there in that living room.

"Well, what the hell am I going to say when people ask me where you are?" Jacob questioned.

"I don't know. I don't really care as long as I'm not in the room. This is only the 10-year reunion. I'm sure I'll have my life figured out by the 20-year mark, and by then nothing mentioned at the 10-year reunion will even matter," Daniel replied matter-of-factly. He seemed to have a hidden ego, which was often masked by his timidity and low self-esteem.

"That's lame, brother! Hopefully, you will change your mind," Jacob said as he returned his face back to the world of his phone.

Daniel did not end up changing his mind. Instead of attending the reunion, he stayed home to smoke marijuana and play retro video games while his twin brother dressed up and went out into the world.

Jacob did end up going to law school, and by the time the 20-year reunion was afoot, he was a fully-licensed and practicing lawyer in his hometown. Meanwhile, Daniel was still struggling with his life calling. He would make music in his free time and work part-time at a fast-food restaurant. He simply did not believe in himself and he was growing more depressed by the day, his hair beginning to whiten and bald.

"So are you coming to this year's reunion?" Jacob asked his brother who was still his roommate at this time.

"No, I really don't want to see everyone again. Besides, I don't even have the $85," Daniel replied, even though he knew deep down the reason he didn't want to go was the same reason as ten years prior- he had nothing good to report.

"Psh, you know I'll help you out with that!" Jacob said. "Just come, man. You will have a good time, I promise. Nobody is going to judge you."

"I'm not worried about people judging me!" Daniel defended, "I just don't want to go. It doesn't sound like a good time to me."

"Brother, you're looking at life backward. You're waiting for success to come to find you, but you don't seem to be hungry to find it yourself!"

"Don't patronize me, Jacob. I'm doing alright for myself lately," Daniel replied, breaking eye contact.

"Well, I hope you change your mind because I'm definitely going," Jacob said.

Once again, Daniel did not change his mind and continued to isolate and hide from the world.

Ten years later, the thirty-year reunion was coming up and Daniel found himself growing tired of letting his fears hold him back. Lately, he had been spending a lot of time at the Narcotics Anonymous meetings trying to work staying away from the weed. Daniel had to admit that his meeting attendance did higher his confidence and make him feel more socially comfortable. It seemed like he could meet any group of people, and no matter how scared or intimidated he felt, over time he would grow comfortable and gain new friendships from the people.

He had been going to improv classes based on the suggestion from his therapist. Daniel became good friends with a fellow classmate who did stand-up comedy on a regular basis. He was not super successful but had gained a respectable reputation in the comedy industry. The comedian pressured Daniel into going on stage, sensing his enthusiasm on the subject. Daniel had always wanted to be a comedian but was always too afraid of what people would think.

"Just go on stage, Danny. Don't even have material prepared, you just need to log some stage time. Once you become more settled, then we'll hone down on your jokes," his buddy instructed, and Danny was thrilled to have someone pushing him like this because it seemed his whole life things were just handled for him.

Once he got through his first five minutes on stage, Danny was hooked. He couldn't wait to begin sharing all the funny thoughts he had dabbled down on notepads and on computer hard drives throughout his lifetime. With the help of his friend, Danny was able to begin performing stand-up comedy regularly, even getting paid $25 on one occasion.

There was something still missing from his delivery. He seemed to have the comedy chops, but it was like there was a crucial ingredient missing. He arrived at his lonely house, no longer occupied by his twin brother. He checked his email to see that Jacob had messaged him, inquiring about the 30-year anniversary.

Daniel wanted to go. He was excited for an opportunity to talk with the people he had known so many years ago. He didn't care that he wasn't a millionaire- Daniel wanted to be a part of the community.

At the 30-year reunion, Daniel began talking to a Steph, a girl he used to have a huge crush on. She was always so popular and out of his league, but today he found himself really hitting it off with her. The woman ended up going home with Daniel and learning one of his largest-kept secrets.

"Oh my God, Daniel- are you a virgin?" Steph asked.

"Yes," Daniel replied calmly.

"How... how is that even possible? You're pretty," she said back.

"I was always too afraid of girls finding out I'm a virgin, and I knew if I had sex they would find that out. But life is short, I'm done worrying about silly things like that."

Ten years go by, and by the 40th highschool reunion, Daniel is married to Steph and thriving lucratively andsuccessfully as a widely respected stand-up comedian.