Achieving Serenity

The Blue Beast

God's will vs. self will

Steve was angry at life. He felt the world was teeming with so much greed and evil that it was impossible for him to make ends meet. He hated people and especially hated himself.

He had just had his 41st birthday and was still receiving a lot of financial help from his widowed mother. He was making tips as a delivery driver at a pizza joint but after all his bills, never had anything left for himself.

Steve would often complain to his superiors, demanding special treatment since he has been working for them the longest. He felt the years he has spent delivering for them has taken a toll on his vehicle, and that it isn't fair that he has to drive 45 minutes to work and not even get sufficient hours.

Cars were something that always interested Steve. He would often brag about how much he knew about cars, and would frequently pester others about having their cars in tip-top shape. All in all, despite his talent for repairing cars, Steve was a narcissistic psychopath that frequently annoyed others. He was a lonely, rage-filled boy in a man's body.

What gave Steve significance in his times of despair was love for animals, and a strong desire to change the world.

He noticed at times very supernatural things seemed to happen that only he could see. For instance, whenever he was extremely angry for days, he would notice that a storm would come. Steve began believing he had the power to control the storms, and when he was around 25, had decided that he was God. He wholeheartedly believed he was the Almighty Creator, and the people of the Earth were his children.

He was angry at his children. Why were they so greedy and inconsiderate toward the welfare of others? They needed to be punished- to be burned for eternity.

When Steve turned 70, he died a lonely death in his one bedroom apartment. He died with anger in his heart, and still with the belief that he was God.

Steve was an addict with self-destructive thoughts and behaviors. He believed that the answer to achieving serenity derived with fixing the actions of others. "If only everyone could think like me, then the world would be at peace."

He was trying to be the director of his world, and the people were his actors. He became irate when his actors would not stick to his script.

As long as Steve believed he was God, he was never going to ever achieve serenity, because the real God had a different will for him.

He wanted Steve to contribute to the greater picture in a way that made him special. He gave him a special gift that He doesn't give all his children: whatever you believe, you are.

Steve could've been anything. He was talented, but was too focused on changing others, and sticking to his own plan.

He refused to accept that there is something more powerful than himself with a greater plan for him. Instead, Steve wanted to have his own will be done. His thoughts and behaviors brought him chaos and misery, and yet he still refused to let God's will be done.