Achieving Serenity

Embracing the Awkward

Fearing uncomfortable situations

When I arrived back to my apartment the day after Christmas, I began unpacking the large stocking of various gifts onto my bed. Gift cards, candy, shampoo, new boxers, a jump starter with portable power bank, three American Dad DVDs, and my favorite- a mini NES system with thirty pre-installed games. I was thrilled to smoke some weed and dive into some nostalgic, retro-action gameplay.

I unpacked the unit and found it was much lighter than I had anticipated, but that didn't bother me as I knew it was an inexpensive purchase. The console had a small slot, similar to the original NES, that looked like it would flip open but it appeared to just be cosmetic. After hooking it up to my 48" HD, I cued everything up before taking an elongated hit from my bong followed by a series of vigorous coughing. I probably sounded like I needed emergency assistance from my upstairs neighbor's perspective, though she was probably used to the choking by now.

I started out with some familiar side-scrolling shooters then checked out some new games that failed to hold my attention. Donkey Kong was not as fun as I remembered, and it appeared I wasn't able to save any games which really disappointed me. How was I supposed to beat my high scores if it resets every time I powered it off?

I played around with the user interface and found that you could indeed save the game, by creating "save points" throughout any game. I started playing Pac-Man and realized I could play a perfect match with the save points feature. I would run around chasing dots and any time I sensed imminent danger, I would press the "Home" button, create a save point and then return to the game. If I ever missed a point-boosting fruit or failed to eat all ghosts for the ultimate 1600 bonus, I would return to my latest save point and try again.

It was addicting. I found myself playing it every night before bed, frequently staying up way later than I had anticipated. There were days where I would be at work and daydream about my euphoric routine of smoking and gaming. Sometimes I feared the volume was too loud and analyzed what I felt my neighbor was thinking of me. She certainly knows I'm a stoner, and now, based on the all-too-distinct sound effects she thinks I'm a loser who just plays Pac-Man all day. If she ever calls me out on my Pacmanning I plan to lie to her and tell her I'm a keyboardist who specializes in video game music.

One night after a long session of binging on white circles I finally shut off the device with my arm that wasn't numb from leaning on. I proceeded to switch out the HDMI cord to my DVD player so I could fall asleep to American Dad as I usually did. When I picked up the mini-NES, I noticed the tiny stationary slot looked as if it had indeed been opened. I used my index finger to pluck it upwards and it flipped open effortlessly. I reached inside when suddenly a loud screeching sound pierced my ears. A bright, green flash of light projected out of the console as I swiftly pulled back my hand and shielded my eyes. I could see the green remnants through my hand and after a few seconds I finally peeked out to see a ghostly figure illuminating in my bedroom like a hologram.

"Hello, Justin," the faceless ghost greeted me with a bold voice. "I am a genie, and I shall grant you one wish. Your wish must be a skill or talent, and may not be more wishes or material things. I will grant you one wish now and will return to you in twenty years to grant you one more. What is your wish, Justin?"

I recalled my recent hours leading up to the event, trying to decipher my reality. I've never hallucinated before and didn't feel like I was now. When I finally accepted the genie's legitimacy, I pondered on my life dreams. I was reminded of the "what superhero power would you want" question, and since my answer to that was always the same, I figured I may as well go with it.

"I want to have real life save points," I told the genie, "so if I'm ever in danger, I can create a save point and try again if what I decide doesn't work out."

"Very well," the genie replied. "To create a save point, crack the knuckle of your right thumb. To return to the save point, simply click your tongue."

That was the last thing I remember from that night. I woke up the next day believing I had just been in an eerie dream, but the memory was too physically vivid. I looked down at my hands and proceeded to crack my knuckles. Had I really just created a save point?

On the way to work, I had rear-ended an SUV after texting while driving. Upon clicking my tongue, I found myself back in my bed, having apparently traveled back to the past. This was my very first time ever using my save points.

I abused my new power to every possible end. I got the attractive girl at work to become my wife and the promotions to land me at CEO; it was as if I had complete invincibility. I would embark on new adventures with the plan of not using the save points, but it was too fun and hard to resist. I would manipulate each and every situation and person I came in contact with to my complete satisfaction.

After years of being married, I tried being honest with my wife about how I had achieved all my many accomplishments. When I was able to prove my powers to her, she was irate and left me. She couldn't believe she had been so gullible to let herself be manipulated. Of course, I returned to before telling her, but since then our marriage has been deteriorating. I feel like a fraud.

I was smoking a cigarette on the balcony of my seven-story mansion, reminiscing on my life and wondering if I'll ever be able to achieve true happiness. I thought about an old childhood memory- one that used to haunt me but thinking back I would love nothing more than to relive it.

I was at a Boy Scout summer camp, a week-long program with different classes for merit badges. We all had schedules of different places we had to be at certain hours, and I was wandering through different campgrounds trying to find my next class. I was to be at the Health Center at 2:30 pm, and after getting directions from a fellow scout, I walked for a few minutes then eyeballed the small building, stopping in my tracks. I saw a group of fifteen or so boys gathered on the porch facing a seated twenty-year-old, presumably the instructor. I dreaded not having a buddy to accompany myself to things like this, though having nowhere else to go I put one foot in front of the other as I approached the group.

I wondered how late I was, as I looked around for empty chairs, seeing there wasn't any. I stood awkwardly next to the group as I listened to the teacher talk on, and I could tell he was giving me strange glances. About three minutes into whatever he was talking about, he looks at me dead in the eye and says "Excuse me, what are you doing here?"

I felt my heart drop as I lowered my posture and let out some timid speech. "I'm to be here... at 2:30?"

"Okay, well that's not for another thirty minutes; I'm with another class if you'll please leave. Thank you," the man said before continuing his previous thought. I darted away from there and just waddled around aimlessly feeling so stupid. Why am I so damn awkward? Now it's going to be so weird to see all those kids again. They'll just see me as the awkward kid and won't want to be my friend. I hate it here.

Back at my mansion, I extinguished my cigarette and prepared to walk back indoors when I saw the genie was on the balcony with me.

"Justin, it has been twenty years. What shall your next wish be?" the genie asked.

I had completely forgotten about him returning. My life was so carefree and easy that I didn't ever feel like I needed anything. I had no more anxiety or fears. I had no more challenges. I had no more feelings.

"I want to be a normal person again with normal feelings," I told the genie.

I awoke in my old bed, at my very first save point, my memory distorted and fuzzy. I tested out my powers to see that they were no longer present. I got out of bed and looked in the mirror to see myself, looking twenty years younger. I smiled, and felt a tingling and bursting sensation throughout my spine. I used to be so afraid of feeling awkward and out of place, so much so that I would isolate and hide from the world. But you can't avoid the awkward. There are so many awkward things that happen all the time in life. Life is awkward, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I have been given a second chance at living a real life, and can't wait to embrace the awkward.