Achieving Serenity

Squirrelly

Recognizing your shortcomings

"Even when you win, you lose."

This was Judy's least favorite quote from the Gamblers Anonymous program, but she understood what it was they were trying to say. Compulsive gamblers will always end up giving their winnings right back to the casino. It makes sense, but she just didn't believe it always had to happen this way.

She wanted to quit gambling for good but fantasized about getting one last big win before going cold-turkey. That way, at least she could make back some of what she's lost throughout her lifetime. She currently was inactive with the GA program and had been for the last six months, mostly tending to her domestic duties as a housewife and mother of two. But every so now and then, she would fish out her credit card in the night time, and tap the number into an online casino using her phone. No matter how much she would win, she would always end up losing it all.

But she did have some rare winning sessions where came up huge, only to splash it away in the course of the next few days. Today her family thought she was over two years abstinent; her husband never saw her personal credit card bills. She was ready to quit but just wanted to collect that precious hit before returning to the GA rooms. Once she cashed out, it would be then that she would start dedicating more time and effort into her recovery.

During a Sunday family dinner when cousins were over, Judy found herself feeling a bit squirrelly, especially when it was decided that the family would play a card game. She played the game with extreme competitiveness and had a growing rage of impatience whenever a family member would take too long, or not notice it was their turn.

After the card game, the emptiness within her continued to sink in. She sat quietly on the couch with the family as they chatted away with the television on running a football game. Feeling bored, she picked up a laser pointer from the coffee table and shined the red dot onto the carpet to which the family cat Chopper pounced to action. This brought a smile to Judy's face, as the silly antics of Chopper often would. She played laser with the cat for several minutes growing impressed with the feline's persistent drive to catch the impossible dot.

Surely he knew he would never get it, right?