jack gilinsky imagines

all these years

me and my"crew", consisting of johnson, maggie, sammy and stass were wrapping up a youtube video that we all had decided to make. sammy and johnson were jumping around while me,mags, and stass were trying to film a proper ending.

"yo y/n. did you ever answer who your boyfriend was?" mags says, referring to the q&a y'all had just finished.

"MAGGIE. there's a reason i didn't, bitch ass. ion got one, a bitch is lonely as hell." i say.

both of us crack up and a door opens. i simply assume it's johnson trying to go to get water.

maggie looks at me all of a sudden, doe eyed. "y/n, do you wanna go somewhere right now? like now?" she says as she looks back at the door.

i turn around confused and make eye contact with the someone in the doorway.

jack gilinsky.

my first love.

or rather, the one who got away.

see, me and jack had a thing once. for a couple of months. everyone thought we were gonna get married. until we broke up because he said some dumb and hurtful shit. even after that, we became friends again until we both decided to have sex that one fateful night. i felt the passion and love, thinking he felt the same.

until i woke up the next morning to see he wasn't there.

until you i through his friends that he left california.

until i waited every day, hoping he'd come back, only to realize he wasn't coming back.

a month went by. then two. then three.

3 fucking months. every day felt like 5 years.

i tried to get over him and was getting there, slowly.

until now.

now he's back, looking at me with sad eyes.

i can't help but take him in, seeing all these small changes.

your hair's grown a little longer
your arms look a little stronger
your eyes just as i remember
your smiles just a little softer

i  looked at him hard. like, really looked at him. i observed him as he hugged johnson and sammy. i saw him as he smiled at stass and maggie, giving them a bear hug. i saw him slowly turn towards me, looking at me with what i made out to be sadness in his eyes.

and i never prepared for a moment like that
yeah in a second it all came back
it all came back

i froze, feeling my arms go limp and my legs turn to jello. it fucking killed me how even after everything he put me through, i still feel this way about him.

suddenly my mind flashed to all the beautiful parts of us. his kisses, his protectiveness, his love for cuddles.

oh how i wished it was still like that.

i held out my hand, not wanting to hug him because i knew deep down that if i did hug him, i'd never be able to let go.

cause after all these years
i still feel everything when you are near
and it was just a quick hello
and you had to go
and you probably will never know

"hey y/n" he says almost inaudible. oh his voice. it was so... magical.

"hi jack" i say, my voice stern.

he holds onto my hand, looking into my eyes as if trying to find that girl that he left 3 months ago.

"yo gilinsk, you wanna go put your shit in your room? we got an extra one for you." johnson says, trying to get the attention off of me and gilinsky.

"uhm nah it's good i got an apartment down the street, i'll be staying there until i feel ready to move in." gilinsky says, picking up his bags and getting ready to leave.

"let us come help you." says sammy.

gilinsky simply nods before looking at me, then the floor, then leaves.

"hey boo, you coming?" asks stass quietly.

"no i'm good" i say.

she seemed to understand and she left, closing the door.

tears fall down my eyes, one by one.
i was finally getting better, learning to love myself and fight for myself.
but now the truth was evident and loud and clear. no matter what, he'd always be in my life.

cause even after everything, i still want him.

you're still the one i'm after all these years