jack gilinsky imagines

understand

i thought i could understand. i thought that i could understand his lifestyle, the paparazzi, the fans. i thought i could endure the hate. cause hell, as long as i'm with the man i love it doesn't really matter what anyone else says.

but what do i do now that i don't love him?

what do i do now that i'm finally worn thin?

i paced back and forth from one end of the kitchen to the other.

he had done so much for me. so damn much. he showed me he loved me when i felt like crap.

why am i not able to understand his love for me?

the door opens and there he is, beaming.

he's always so happy to see me. his smile could light up the world.

i look at the man who once i would do literally anything for. i try to feel those butterflies i felt when i first met him.

nothing.

he reaches out for me and his hand cups my face.

i close my eyes and try to at least reminisce on the love we shared.

still, nothing.

"what's wrong baby?" says jack.

"i'm so sorry" i say, suddenly in tears.

"hey, hey. what're you supposed to be sorry about?" he says, wiping away my tears.

i open my eyes and look at him, still in disbelief over the fact that i wasn't in love with him anymore.

everything came rushing back. all the memories, they hit me.

i remember our first date to our last. the day he told me he loved me. our first fight. the first of many gifts he got me.

i remember the pain i felt whenever i went online to see his fans attacking me. the fear i would feel whenever i would go outside only to be harassed by the paparazzi. the sheer horror at the threats, headlines, rumors made about me just because i was dating jack gilinsky.

and suddenly, it hits me.

"i'm sorry for not being in love with you anymore" i say slowly. the tears had stopped and now, in that moment, it was just jack & i.

"what?" he says in disbelief.

he slowly back away, and this time i see tears in his eyes.

"remember when we first started going out? you said that you had a tough lifestyle and i said.."

"you said you would be able to deal with it." he finishes.

i nod.

"i did, and i tried. but jack, i'm completely ruined. i've lost touch of myself. i don't even know what love is anymore. i can't possibly feel any love for anything at this point." i say, my voice cracking like crazy.

"you said you'd be able to understand." says jack in a low whisper, still staring at me.

"that's IT. i DON'T understand. and i don't WANT to. i don't want to understand why dating you has lead me to be like this. i don't want to understand why dating you has lead me to be a heartless bitch toward everyone i love!" i yell.

"y/n. if you get time off from us and realize what love is, do you think you'll still be able to love me?" he says.

i think about it for a minute.

"no." i say.

"i'm not sure about most things but i'm sure about this. i can't possibly love you anymore. this love has asked for so much and i know i can't give it what it wants anymore."

he backs himself up against a wall and slides down, his face in his hands.

it breaks my heart seeing him like this. no matter what's happened, seeing jack sad will never sit well with me. but it needed to be done.

"i'm gonna go. i'll pick up my stuff later." i say quietly.

and just like that, it was the end of jack & i