jack gilinsky imagines

i'm broken & don't know how to love

"bella, what's wrong?" jack asks, concern in his eyes.

"it's nothing, jack. i just don't feel like talking."

he places his hand on her thigh, and uses his other hand to cup her face so she's  looking at him.

"bella, we've been friends for years and it's been a whole year and a half since we've been dating. i know you, and i know what you get like when something's bothering you. you can tell me what's wrong." he says with a soft smile.

she moves slightly away from him and quietly say, "who's choice was it to keep our relationship private?"

jack softly chuckles and goes "it was both of ours remember?"

"i know but was there anyone out of the two of us who was pushing it more? like pushing the idea to keep this relationship private even more?" she says, the sudden tears now threatening to spill out.

"i- i think it was me but you know how the media gets-"

"oh"

she stands up now, not knowing what to do.

honestly, this whole thing seemed childish. but for some reason, her heart was telling her something else and her brain was telling her a completely different thing.

her brain was telling her that something was happening, that there was a reason that jack wanted to keep this relationship private. her mind was trying to tell her to run, so she could avoid getting hurt again. but her heart was telling her to stay. her heart was telling her that jack was the one for her.

and maybe it was because of the abuse and mental torture bella had to deal with in her part relationship that was making her brain doubt this relationship. but she didn't know what to do.

"bella, is everything ok? what's wrong?" jack asked again.

"i don't KNOW, okay? i'm confused about whatever we are, okay?" she says. she pulls herself back from what she can only guess will turn into an argument.

"why would you be confused? you know how much i love you."

"i don't know jack." she sobs. "i don't know. maybe it's because i don't know what's gonna happen next with us. i'm scared of how uncertain our future is. in every relationship i've been in, i've known what was gonna happen but i'm so deeply infatuated with us and i don't know what to do."

"my mind is telling me one thing about our private relationship and my heart is telling me something else. but the only thing i've gotten out of it is i don't deserve this. and i know you'll try to talk me out of this, out of making a harsh decision about us. but the clear fucking truth is, jack, is that i'm broken. i'm damaged. and i hate making all of our fights about how shattered and messed up i am but it's so fucking true." bella falls to the floor, her cheeks wet with the tears.

"i'm broken and i don't know how to love. i don't know how to act when love is given to me. i repulse and think that i don't deserve it. and i've tried everything to get out of that mindset but nothing works and i'm tired of hurting you and me because of it."

"i don't know what to do anymore."

for a second, everything is quiet. the only thing you could hear was bella's quiet sobs and jack whispering "bella"

without warning or stopping to say anything, jack walks off to his room and leaves bella in a daze.

hey y'all! this is a draft from a couple of months ago that i never finished but i had nothing to post so here this is! i didn't know if i should finish it but i liked the sudden ending so here it is. hope u guys are staying safe!