jack gilinsky imagines

empty

TW: SUICIDE

your pov

you closed the door behind you, forgetting to lock it. you sunk down onto the bathroom floor, your face wet with tears.

you set the paper and pen on the countertop and wiped your tears for the 200th time.

"jack, i love you. thank you for everything. i know you're gonna think this is all your fault, but it isn't. i've been alive for 21 years, and ever since i've remembered, i've felt more worthless than anything else. i just wanted to thank you for keeping me alive for as long as you have. you went from being my childhood friend to the man that's saved my life more times than i can count. i know you know how insecure i was. i'm sorry for not telling you i was this insecure. but anyways, i know how you are and how you'll blame yourself for this. but please remember, this isn't your fault. i wasn't even gonna write an official 'suicide' note but i wanted you to know how much you mean to me. thank you for all the late nights. thank you for loving me for all my imperfections and for making me feel perfect when i was and will forever remain farthest from. i'm sorry i'm not who you deserve to be with. promise me you'll find someone who loves you the way i love you, and even more. i'm sorry again. i'm empty inside and i don't feel alive. I love you jack finnegan gilinsky. always have, always will.
yours forever and ever,
y/f/n"

with that, you folded up the paper and left it on the bed.

you walked back to the bathroom and spun the blade around in your hand a bit.

you wanted to feel his lips one last time. to hug him and let him shower you in the love you knew he should be giving someone else.

your whole life, you'd been fighting to be enough for someone. but it never happened.

no matter how many times jack laid you down and whispered sweet things into your ears, you knew you weren't enough.

you sit down, resting your back against the tub.

you slowly run the blade down your arm

once

tears were heavily falling down your face as you had a flashback to your and jack's childhood, particularly when he would race you around the block, knowing he'd lose everytime.

twice

he was asking you out now, stumbling and tripping on his words, finally resorting to saying "be mine?" you laughed and hugged him, eventually meeting your lips with his

thrice

he had just said "i love you" for the first time and you were on cloud 9. he continued to let you know how much you meant to him, ending it all with "i can never do better than you"

your vision became hazy, your face wet with tears while your body was going limp. you could swear that jack was sitting next to you, kissing your forehead, telling you he loves you.

"i love you jack." you manage to say, smiling as you think about all the good moments.

and you lay there breathless, with a smile.

jack's pov

he walked into the room, wondering where you were. he saw the bathroom light on and knocked. once. twice.

"baby? you in there?" no answer.

he opened the door and immediately screamed.

there you were, the love of his life, sitting in a pool of your own blood.

his eyes went to the blade in your hand and he immediately ran to you, tearing off his shirt and applying it to your fresh wounds.

"no no no fuck no this can't be happening." he kept on repeating.

he ran back to the room, calling 911 and immediately rushing back.

he was in a daze when the paramedics came. he didn't even fight when they said he couldn't come with.

he sat down on the bed you once shared, his hands still covered in your blood.

he saw a piece of paper and picked it up.

"y/n" he whimpers before sobbing.

like, really sobbing. he allowed himself to cry more than he had ever done his whole life.

"you were my lifesaver." he whispered.

three months had passed. your family and jack's both managed to get past your funeral service without breaking down too much.

jack wasn't himself anymore. he started drinking to the point of no return and dappled in substance abuse a couple of times. without you, his life was pointless.

going to sleep without you to hug, coming into the house knowing you weren't gonna be there to jump on him. the little things haunted him.

he sat down in the tub, feeling the bubbles and warm water around him.

i could've fucking saved her he thinks for the 100th time today.

he empties out the bottle in his hand and gulps them all down.

he felt it happening and enjoyed every second of it, knowing he'd be with you soon.

"i'm coming, y/n" he whispers.

he too, laid there breathless with a smile on his face, knowing he would be reunited with you soon.

y/n and jack. a devastating love story.

sorry that this is so depressing. made this when i was at a bad place skxjjx anyways, requests are open!!