Just Some Be More Hansen Headcanons and One-Shots

Headcanons 1

So it begins.

• God damned short Micha damnit.

• Rich can do backflips and front flips on trampolines and it scares the shit out of Jake cause he thinks he's gonna break his neck.

• Michael is trans. (Birth name Isabelle/Izzy)

• Christine is trans. (Birth name Joseph/Joey(after my brother lol))

• Jared is trans. (Birth name Raina/Rai)

• Connor has schizophrenia and an eating disorder.

• Evan has anxiety(obvi) and insomnia.

• Jared has depression and is really self-conscious.

• During the Halloween fire, Michael was trapped in the bathroom due to the doorknob being too hot and a piece of wood blocking the door. So because of that, Christine came along and, like the badass she is, broke the god damned door down and saved Michael. (He still got burnt but less so because Christine is a savior)

• Jared hangs out with Zoe and Alanna all the time. They're like the best trio and they're all best friends.

• Michael has so many fears omg.
-Heights
-Spiders
-Snakes
-Needles
-Thunder
-Do you get the point?

• Jared hates flying in planes.

• Evan loves flying in planes because it makes him feel free.

• Michael can't bake for shit.

• Michael and Jared never learned how to swim.

• Christine still slightly likes Jeremy but she's really supportive of the boyfs.

• Jenna stopped being a huge gossip after the squipcident.

• Jeremy is a dolphin furry.

• Michael has social and separation anxiety.

• Jared, Michael, and Rich are the memers. Michael is a dead meme, Rich is a classic meme, and Jared is the Meme Lord™.

• Sexualities!
-Jeremy is a bi boi.
-Michael is a gay boi.
-Jake is a pan boi.
-Rich is a bi boi.
-Jenna is an ace lesbian grill.
-Christine is an ace bi grill.
-Chloe is a bi grill.
-Brooke is a pan grill.
-Evan is a bi boi.
-Connor is a gay boi.
-Jared is a pan boi.
-Zoe is a bi grill.
-Alanna is a lesbian grill.

• Genders!
-Jeremy is a cis boi.
-Michael is a trans boi.
-Jake is a cis boi.
-Rich is a cis boi.
-Jenna is a demigirl grill.
-Christine is a trans grill.
-Chloe is a cis grill.
-Brooke is a cis grill.
-Evan is a cis boi.
-Connor is a demiboy boi.
-Jared is a trans boi.
-Zoe is a cis grill.
-Alanna is a cis grill.

• Jeremy is player one and Michael is player two. Fuck you.

• Jared doesn't really have lots of friends and hasn't ever gotten 'below the bra' level with a girl. He just tells that to Evan and Connor to make him seem more popular than he really is and for them not to be worried about him(Sincerely three. Fuck you.). In reality, he annoys the shit out of everyone he talks to and gets beat up and bullied on a daily basis.

• Every time something remotely related to electricity, fire, or anything of the sort, Rich breaks the door down and yells "FIRE HAZARD!!!"

• Sometimes when they're walking down the street, the SQUIP squad(excluding Michael cause it brings back memories) yells "IT'S FROM JAPAAAAAAAN!!!" to random strangers and probably freaks everyone the fuck out. They make sure not to do it with Michael around cause he'll probably have a panic attack. They learned that the hard way.

• 'Spelled'
-Michael
-Jake
-Christine
-Chloe
-Brooke
-Connor
-Zoe

• 'Spelt'
-Jeremy
-Rich
-Jenna
-Evan
-Jared
-Alanna

• They get in debates on whether it's spelled 'spelt' or 'spelled' on a monthly basis and it annoys the shit out of their parents.

• Michael can shoot shit out of his nose and sometimes it goes all the way across the cafeteria and hits one of the popular people in the back of the head and the SQUIP squad just dies from laughter.

• Connor, Michael, and Jared get high in Michael's basement together, sometimes bringing Jeremy and, on special occasions, Jake and Rich. They bring the girls for weed brownies. (made specially by Michael cause that's the only fucking thing he can make without reenacting the Halloween party)

• If we're going by the universe that Connor didn't die in, Sincerely Three. If we're going by the universe he did die in, Kliensen. Never fucking Tree Bros. I swear to god I hate that ship. I don't know why I just do. Send me a fanfiction of Tree Bros and you've made your way onto my hitlist. I think I just want Jared to be included cause fuck I love him.