"OH NO THE HELL HE DIDN'T!" I shouted into thin air.
Rationalizing why Jeremy would be so angry was undoubtedly plausible, yes. What I couldn't understand nor accept, though, was the idle threat to my life. Part of me wanted to call him back for a confrontation— I wanted all the smoke! Instead, I chose to handle things my own way. He didn't know it, but his words pushed me violently into the direction that he feared most. I decided to call Mone' back.
"GIRL, HURRY UP AND SEND ME THE NUMBER TO THAT CLINIC! CAUSE THIS NEGRO DONE LOST HIS DAMN MIND!" I hollered.
"Oh my God, what happened!" She asked urgently confused.
"This n***a just said if I go through with the procedure, then he was going to kill me!" I said clapping after each phrase.
"WOW! You're kidding!" She breathed in disbelief. "Do you think he was being serious?"
"He sounded pretty damn serious if you ask me. Regardless of whether he meant it or not, I definitely don't need a baby with someone like that! This is a Trey situation all over again," I said dropping my head into the palm of my hand.
"Okay, well, I just texted you the number. Did you get it?"
"I think so...yes." I'm about to call them right now.
"Alright, well, keep me posted."
"Cool, I'll call you back in a little bit."
"Wait!" She shouted, trying to catch me before I hung up."
"Huh?"
"If he threatens you again, then you should call someone. I don't care if it's Spencer, a male family member or the police! SOMEBODY, aight?"
"I hear you, sis! Although, now that I think about it, he's honestly never been violent with me. He's probably just talkin' s**t, ya know. As a matter of fact, the last time he got upset he walked away, so I'm just gonna give him time."
"Okay, I trust that you can handle it," she said before getting off the phone.
My next call was to the clinic. Prior to making the call, I had all the confidence in the world. But, the moment I heard the receptionist's voice, I turned into an insecure little girl.
"Hi, um...I'm calling for information about terminating a pregnancy. I mean, I want to make an appointment for one..." The more I talked, the more I stuttered.
"Yes ma'am, I can assist you with that. May I ask with whom I am speaking?" She responded.
"You're doing the right thing. You're doing the right thing," I kept repeating to myself, before asking a question. "Well, first, before we continue, how much does the service cost? I don't have a lot of money, soo..."
"Oh, no, I completely understand," she said sweetly. "If this is your first time here, then we can perform the service for a total of $50 with a medical card, ma'am."
"$50?" I repeated. "That's it?" Wow, ok. Can I schedule an appointment then?"
"Well, just a moment," she stated calmly. "Here at this clinic, you should know that we don't provide any anesthesia whatsoever. Meaning, throughout the entire procedure you WILL be alert, okay? We also do not service any clients beyond 12 weeks and 6 days..."
"That's fine, I'm within that window," I responded.
"Now, before I schedule you in the system, I'll need to know how many weeks pregnant you are, along with some additional information..."
The call seemed to last forever, but I finally got a date. The appointment was set for a week from today. I wondered what my mother would think about me? I prayed that God would understand and forgive me. Feeling so alone at the moment, I grabbed baby Jamal and held him tight. When I released him from my embrace, I sat there looking at his beautiful face. He, in turn, looked innocently back at mine, watching the tears flow uncontrollably.
"Uh na? Uh dada dada ya," he said in baby talk.
Somehow I knew he was telling me everything would be okay which made me smile a little.
"You're the only thing that makes sense in my life, boo bear," I said kissing his little hands and tickling his tummy. His laugh was absolutely infectious. "Let's go to the store and get some treats, ay!"
After splashing some water on my face and dressing appropriately for the cool weather, we walked out the door.
"Dang baby, you're gettin' heavier by th..." I said Jamal, stopping dead in my tracks.
Damn near buckling at the knees, I was completely terrified by the familiar face. I bolted back towards my front door running faster than I had ever run before...
YOU ARE READING
Fault
Non-Fiction"If you leave me, I will kill you," he said. This is how my story started. I left him 7 months ago, he'll swear we never parted. Recollections of such memories just brings my eyes to tears, it's the most pain I've ever experienced in my 21 years...t...
