Fault

Chapter 17

"It's ok, you don't have to say it back," Jeremy said assuredly. 

Once again, it felt as if things were moving way too fast. Up until now, we had only been dating for a little over 4 weeks, and he was out of the country for two. How could he possibly feel this way so soon? While the feeling of being in his company was beyond wonderful, I just didn't feel my emotions were rooted enough to profess my "love" at that point. Sure, he was okay with me not saying it back, but that didn't dismiss the lingering sentiment of obligation reciprocate— I chose to reject the conviction anyway.

"You THINK you love me but, you don't really mean it. It's all good though, let's just chill and enjoy this moment without the pressure," I responded gently.

"But, it's true! I made the mistake once already. So, moving forward, I never want to keep anything from you ever again. I'm in love with you!"

"Jeremy..."

"No! Baby, I'm just trying to tell you how I feel! I've already said you don't have to say it back, so what's the issue? Don't ever tell me I don't know what I'm talking about!"

"I never said that!"

"Well, you might as well have said it!" He snapped. "I know if I'm in love or not!"

"Okay, first of all, calm down! DAMN! This is beginning to be too much. I apologize if I upset you.

"I get it! You don't love me back, cool! Can we just change the subject now?"

"Fine! I'm about to rinse off in the shower and get dressed, I'll bring you a wet towel," I announced.

"Don't worry about the towel! I want to have you on me all day."

"This man is nuts!" I thought laughing to myself.

The rest of our time together was very light and carefree just as I had hoped. We decided to link up with his cousins Sienna, Shayna, and Terrence for the rest of the day.

* * * * * *

It took at least 3 months to finally admit to being in love with Jeremy. Things between us weren't always perfect, but we managed to work through our differences and were closer than ever. Like it had been with Jeremy, his cousins and I also became close over the next six months— we were actually more like family. It made me happy that everyone accepted Lil' Jamal as well. In fact, Terrence had a son the same age, so playdates became frequent.

Everything else in my life was falling into place. Winter semester had just started at Malcolm X College, and the first week of school was going well. More importantly, I finally quit my job and made the transition into exclusively being a full-time student! 

As far as friends are concerned, I missed Mone terribly. We hadn't spoken in over a month, but at least I was able to maintain my friendship with Spencer. It was nowhere near the level it used to be, but I was thankful nonetheless, for the classes we managed to have scheduled together. Because Jeremy and I were constantly joined at the hip, apart from school, free time with other people was virtually nonexistent.

I was happy that my last class for the day was finally over. Spencer, being the gentleman he was, always enjoyed walking me to the bus stop and waiting until I boarded safely. However, he was beginning to grow suspicious now that I kept declining the offer. The uncomfortable discussion of whether I had a boyfriend came up again, and as usual, I evaded the question. I genuinely wanted to be straightforward, but I still wasn't ready to break the news to Spence just yet. Is omitting the truth the same thing as lying?

It was nearing 3 pm, so like clockwork, Jeremy was more than likely waiting outside to pick me up from class. The feeling of gratitude came over me as I thought about no longer having to take public transportation. Chicago winters are nearly unmatched in terms of its wind and frigid temperatures.

As we walked towards the exit, something felt a bit off. Unlike other times when I would decline his offer, Spencer wasn't taking no for an answer today.

"I really don't mind walking with you," he pushed.

"But, I told you it wasn't necessary. Plus, I always feel bad knowing you go out of your way!"

"I have to walk that way anyway today, so stop trying to get rid of me!"

"Well, go ahead and I'll catch up with you later. I need to use the restroom and it may take a while," I said with the last bit of humor, tolerance, and kindness remaining in my body. He was beginning to piss me off by not taking the hint. I didn't want him seeing me with Jeremy, so why wouldn't he just go away? He nodded his head and walked away in a slow and reluctant manner which only charged my nerves even further.

I stalled in the restroom long enough to where Spence would get tired of waiting, just in case. To my surprise and delight, he was nowhere to be found. Just then, a call came through to my cellphone from Jeremy letting me know that he was ready for me to come to the car. It was snowing heavily, so I ran carefully toward the gold colored regal, never looking back. After planting a quick kiss on his lips, I adjusted the seat then moved to put on my seatbelt. All color erased from my face when I looked up and saw Spencer standing in front of the car staring directly at me...