mistrust and being hurt is all that i knew
i finally let someone in,
in fact i let a few people in.
i decided to be my true self around them
i thought these people cared for me
because they said they did and they did things to show it
i truly believed that someone had seen something in me and wanted to be a part of my life
i opened up,
i told them things
but eventually they stopped listening.
eventually they no longer liked me for being well.. me.
they stopped making time for me
and when we did see each other it was only when it was convenient for them.
they hurt me without being mean to me,
without using words
but simply by their actions.
from my past i can tell when people are no longer interested
its hurts badly..
i let these people mean so much to me
and they completely destroy me
without even realizing
or maybe they just dont care.
its back to square one.
mistrust and being hurt.
except this time i wont open up again to anyone..
or at least not until someone shows me why i should.
and im not saying that im a perfect person
because believe me i am oh so far from it..
but im saying i know my worth
and i know that sometimes yeah,
i can be a shitty person or annoying or clingy
but when i love or care for someone i give them my all.
i deserve it in return,
i really do..
i know that i do.
its just so hard to find.
and i know, i know that im still young,
that it takes time to find permanent people
but the temporary ones are so damaging..
they damaged me and my trust to a point beyond where it started
im damaged goods.
i can understand that not everyone will want to stay and be apart of my life,
but what i cant grasp is why nobody at all wants to stay..
am i that bad?
whats so wrong with me?
and why does this hurt so fucking bad?
why can't i be good enough for anyone?
why can't i even be good enough for myself?
there are things i need to work on but i constantly feel alone..
im alone in all of this
im alone in my own head,
i am alone
i am alone
i am alone
i'm alone in my own battle.
and it hurts and i hate that im this way
i wish i could be fixed.
not being loved, appreciated, or enough for other people,
hurts so much..
but what hurts the most is not being enough for
yourself.
