[DISCONTINUED] Tacenda | j.p

38|. excuses

Still playing : Marshmello/Bastille - Happier

“ Now if we jump together
At least we can swim far away from the mess we've made ”

[ I got nothing so have the legend that Lauren Lopez is as Draco.]

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Italic - entries from the diary

I've regretted so many things in my life but I knew loving James will not be added to the long list, I can never regret James.

Sure, it was a mistake that I fell for him and he fell for me but he will be the best mistake I've ever made.

Acacia's POV

Once again I managed to become the talk of Hogwarts. Words of my Boggart got whispered and thrown around like it's the biggest thing to happen in History.

A hand stretched out to hand me a mug and I took it murmuring a thanks and drank without looking at its contents, the bitter taste was a shock to taste buds but I kept drinking.

I've never like coffee, but the bitterness of this one is reminding me just right out my bitter situation.

"How are you feeling?" Adaline's voice was the first to break the silence.

I couldn't answer. I don't even know how I feel myself, saying I'm fine would be lying to my friends again. So I stayed silent, cupping the mug between my hands while my friends watch me in worry.

After I ran away I went straight for our dorm, shocking, I didn't run to the room of requirements. I may need a cosy place to calm my nerves but my friends are still the best remedy.

Not so long later I found my voice, when the cup is half-empty. "Why are you all so worried? We all faced our Boggart," I tried to sound playful but my voice wasn't cooperating.

"You ran out and you look like you've seen death," Clara answered with a worried yet mad tone.

"I'm sorry for worrying you all, it's jut a stupid Boggart," I forced a smile and Thalia snorted.

"Yeah, it's just this thing that turns into our deepest, darkest fucking fears," Thalia spoke up sarcastically and crossed her arms infront of me so I looked up and was forced to meet eyes with her.

Her brown eyes boring into mine, her looks were sharp but her eyes are soft. "We can't keep going like this. We're friends Ace, so talk to us." she sounded like she was keeping herself from screaming at me and I pursed my lips, swallowing thickly.

Is there really no way to tell them everything with telling them everything?

I parted my lips but it's the best I could do, I can't form a word and I can't make up any sentence. Adaline released a long sigh from behind me, "Lia, drop it for now. She'll talk when she's ready."

But even I can hear the disappointment in her voice. Before they could go to their beds I cleared my throat, "I'm sorry," in such a small voice it was barely above a whisper.

Adaline hurried to sit beside me on the end of my bed and wrapped an arm around me. Clara transfigured a couple of pillows into beanbag chairs and sat infront of me while Clara sat infront of Addy.

"Your Boggart was James," Clara spoke in disbelief and I bit my lower lip so hard I almost drew blood, Thalia shook her head to disagree.

"It was them being together," Lia corrected and I hate forgetting how smart my friends are. They slack in classes so much I forget they're bright witches, "And some nose-less man,"

An unexpected laugh came out of me, all three visibly stunned, even I am surprised that I laughed. Voldemort did look good as a student but oh how ugly he's turned, his inside began to show.

"That was the killing curse," Clara with an unsure tone spoke again.

"Do you know what your Boggart means, Ace?" Addy asked softly.

I slowly nodded and very quietly answered, "Yes, I do." Thalia perked up in her seat, no doubt wanting me to go ahead and explain.

"James is not supposed to be with me," I started and ignored their frowns, "He belongs with Lily and with him going after me right now, it will ruin everything! It will ruin — It'll rui—" I couldn't continue with how breathless and frustrated I began to sound.

"It will ruin what?" Addy asked from beside me and her arm around me gave my shoulder a squeeze.

"It will ruin the future." I gave them my answer, the real answer yet they look nothing like they're convinced. "I'm from the future so I know what happens." I took a deep breath anticipating their reply but nothing, for a solid 2 minutes no one spoke. 

Then Thalia crossed her arms and straightened her back, "Well that sounds rubbish but even so you're just making more excuses." am I? I hate this feeling bubbling in my chest, I feel like she's right because even Dumbledore told me to follow my heart yet I'm doing the exact opposite. 

Before I could retort Adaline spoke, "Fuck the future," all of us are taken back. We never saw Addy for a saint but she never once swore and doesn't look like the type to so we all had our jaws dropped.

From wrapping me with one arm comfortingly to shaking me, trying to knock some sense onto my thick skull. "It's better to live selfishly than live a life full of regrets and endless what ifs." I feared she would slap me when her hand raised but she was praying to Merlin to give her strength.

"We're not forcing you into anything but the moment everything falls apart, we promise to not leave you," Adaline with a firm tone and the other two nodded in agreement.

"I still have a date tho," I reminded them with a hesitant smile.

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read my Remus fanfic you binch