[DISCONTINUED] Tacenda | j.p

31|.out of my mind

Still Playing : Marshmello/ Bastille - Happier

" I want to raise your spirits
I want to see you smile
But know that means I'll have to leave "

Acacia's POV

The events this morning kept me awake, I skipped all classes and have been holing up in the room of requirements and I made sure to ask it to not let anyone else in while I'm here.

My friends are probably worried but I'm not ready to tell them yet. Thalia is probably gonna tell me I'm stupid and hex James, Clara is gonna hug me till I get a shut eye, and Adaline is gonna be telling me affirmations to try and make me feel better.

So here I am pouring my feelings into my travel journal, see? I can be funny in a middle of an existential crisis!

When did I even start li - loving James? It just happened that I didn't even know it was love myself. Is this how that thing works? I've heard girls gossip in the common room and they all said that 'If he's the one, you're gonna know.' 'How?' 'You just will because love is magical!'

I thought of it as rubbish and still do because this damned love is gonna jeopardize my mission. The universe did not send me here to fall inlove with James Potter!

If I was meant to fall in love with him in the first place then I should've been born in the 60's for Merlin's sake! Was I supposed to die in battle all this time?

I don't believe in fate or destiny, that job's for heroes like Harry but is this my fate all along?

I'm overthinking again, I should stop and just breath. Yeah, I'll breathe. Inhale, exhale, inhale-

I pulled away not to long and the absence of his lips felt like the world just ended, James bloody Potter stole my first kiss. It's not a big deal but when I think about how we're never gonna be together, it sucks. It fucking sucks.

"Why did you do that?" I was still crying, I can't help the tears and I didn't bother to hold them back either.

"If my words aren't enough then maybe that kiss will do." and it did, I felt everything he wanted me to feel and they're not supposed to be for me.

He should be kissing Lily. Not me.

"I told you that we can't." I pleaded with my eyes for him to just understand and walk away but he shook his head, why must he be so stubborn?

"To hell we can't, give me one good reason why we can't and I'll let you go."

Shit shit shit. No, stop recalling the events this morning you stupid potato! Salazar, I'm going insane.

This is a matter of life and death, I'm supposed to prevent the first war or atleast join in and make sure James and Lily don't die, Sirius doesn't betray them and Regulus refuse the dark mark.