Meant For Each Other (Book 2)

Remembering

Macy's POV

After that conversation, well I could also call it a fight, I started being stressed out again. I didn't know what to do or what to even feel. The fact that he blamed me for our break up was crushing because I'm starting to realize that what if I was the problem in our relationship, it was me all along. I wanted to talk to him but I was too hurt, he'd leave a lot of calls and messages that I wouldn't even bother to read or answer. There were nights that I'd think about Nash and all we've been through, all the misunderstandings, the laughs and smiles, the happy and sad memories, the sweet talk, the cuddle sesh we always had, and many more, and I find myself crying in the midst of thinking. I'd cry my eyes out until I put myself into a deep sleep. Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me, why am I like this to Nash, why I can't seem to admit that I haven't moved on, not even a single bit. I missed how we used to be, when there was less drama in our life, when he wasn't the cheating asshole I knew, when I was the perfectly good girlfriend that was always talking to him no matter how busy I was.

When I went back to Los Angeles from North Carolina, clearly I wasn't feeling my best that I'd actually stay in bed all day long instead of going to work. Aside from work, I'd just plan for the wedding so that I'm not wasting my time. Me and Nash haven't really talked ever since mostly because I didn't know what I'd say. What if he wants to talk to me again and we'll just end up fighting and I'm gonna cry again. I'm sick and tired of that. My friends would message me and ask me if I'm okay, guessing that Nash told them what happened. Just like what I did with Nash, I didn't answer cause I'm not okay, I never was and I'm afraid I won't be in the next few days. Either way, its gonna be a reason for them to visit me and at this time, I just want to be alone. I wanna figure this shit alone, only caring about my opinion. It may sound selfish of me but we're talking about my problem here, and my feelings, not theirs.  

That night, I locked myself in my bedroom and looked through my old things. It just felt like the right time to do it. To go through my past and recall everything. When I moved in, I got all of my belongings, even the ones from North Carolina that was left but it was less than 1/4 of it. I took out all the boxes I had in my room. It was around 4 to 6 of them. Lucky for me, it had labels on it, based from what it had, or where I used to live when I had it. I realized I had 2 boxes labeled 'Nash' which was not surprising at all considering the fact that I had spent most of my teenage years with him. 

Of course I'd separated it from the other boxes cause that's the one I'll open last. I started digging through the first few boxes and I saw a bunch of different things, from papers, mostly letters and shit like that, to toys and a few super girly jewelries. It made me smile a bit and as I dig in deeper my smile started becoming a frown. 

When I was done with the boxes I looked at, I grabbed the 2 boxes and placed it in front of me. I let out a sigh and slowly opened it. Even though I was just looking at the box, my eyes was already filled with tears waiting for it to roll down my face. I was holding back, saving the tears for later.

I saw a lot of things Nash had given me. Like clothes he lent me that I forgot to return or perhaps he bought me, to sticky notes all piled up in a smaller box, it was a lot since he covered one side of my room with it, written the things he likes about me, even some of his old merch was in the box, also many polaroid pictures of us, that's when I started crying because I could remember every single thing that happened in that moment. We looked so happy that you wouldn't expect us breaking up. 

After looking through the pictures and everything else, I left out all the piece of paper that was in the last 2 boxes. I guess I wanted to read it and make myself cry more. 

I put it on the table beside my bed and got myself ready for bed before taking a look. There were times that I'd be able to laugh and smile but most of it was crying. I read every single one of it. I actually stayed up late despite the fact that I wasn't really feeling well already. Each paper had different memories which made it harder to not stop crying. 

I'd think to myself and asked what I'm doing to myself, only allowing to hurt me more, but then, I have to do this to help myself in facing what drama with Nash destiny has prepared for me. 

It was already 4 AM when I finished looking through all the boxes and I was not in a good state. I already had a pounding headache, so I decided to let myself rest and get some sleep hoping that I'd be ready for what the day brings.

-----------------------------------

I am very sorry if I didn't update for a week or so. I had so many things going on in school and at home so I wasn't able to write. I'm really sorry guys. Hope this is a good enough chapter. :)