What If...?|| A "Dear Evan Hansen" Fanfiction

Chapter Three- Oh No

"Dear Evan Hansen:"

He leaned back in his chair, running his hands over his face. This letter was going to be the end of him, and he knew it. What was there to gain from writing these things? The truth? Well, he already knew that. Maybe his therapist would be glad to have a letter... Not that the letter was positive at all.

He shook it off. He promised his mom and the therapist a letter. And that was what he was going to do.
"It turns out, this wasn't an amazing day after all. This isn't going to be an amazing week or an amazing year. Because... why would it be?
Oh, I know. Because there's Zoe. And all my hope is pinned on Zoe. Who I don't even know, and doesn't know me. But maybe if I did. Maybe if I could just talk to her, then maybe... maybe nothing would be different at all.
I wish that everything was different. I wish I was part of... something. I wish that anything I said... mattered, to anyone. I mean, face it: Would anyone notice if I just disappeared tomorrow?
Sincerely, your best and most dearest friend,
Me."

He hit print. Listening to the printer as he read over the disaster he had written. He knew he had matched the mystery writer's emails quite nearly. But what more could he do? Those emails kept him going for the time being, and he enjoyed them. Speaking of which... he hadn't read the email from that morning.

He opened a new tab, opening the email and finding the only email in his inbox, reading it, finally.

"Dear Evan Hansen,

This morning was hard. Like... really hard.

I woke up so anxious that all I could do was smoke that joint I had been saving in my bag... that only led to regret, so I drank the rest of the milk trying to get out of that state. My poor mom and I fought because I really didn't want to go to school... and my sister had to be a bitch about it.

Don't get me wrong, I love my parents. But each day's another fight. If I stopped smoking pot, then everything might be alright...

But what do you do when you're me...? No wonder everyone thinks I'm a freak.

Sincerely,

Me."

Evan's stomach churned. As things looked, he wasn't the only one having the shittiest day of his life. As things looked, so was his email partner. Part of it was refreshing almost. Maybe one person would notice if he disappeared. And maybe he would notice if they did too.

He started to type away, telling the other to cheer up. That he still had Evan to email and that Evan cared about him. That even though he didn't know his name, Evan considered him in of his closest friends.

He went on to tell him about his day. That no one had signed his cast, and how some guy shoved him at lunch. He wanted to tell him about Zoe but decided it best not to. He didn't need someone else to know how badly he fucked up talking to his crush.

Just as he hit send, he could hear a phone go off behind him, and someone pull his paper from the printer. Connor Murphy.

Connor made eye contact with him, eyes instantly landing on the cast. "What happened to your arm?"

Evan paused, his breath catching in his throat as he eyed the letter in Connor's hand. The same letter that talked about his younger sister. He gulped, gripping his cast.

"I kind of... fell out of a tree. And broke it."

"You... fell out of a tree?" Connor shook his head, smirking to himself. Evan chuckled nervously. "Y...yeah... It's kind of a funny story. I was laying there-

"You should really make up a better story. Say you were battling some racist dude."

"What?"

"To kill a mocking bird."

"Like the book?"

Connor nodded. He hadn't thought Connor would read that book. It was assigned to them in English a couple of years back. And Connor hardly seemed like the type to read a book for homework. It took a moment for him to remember the ending. Where Jem starts some problem with a racist guy and gets his arm broken in the process. He couldn't help but find it entertaining that Connor remembered that part of all parts.

"No one's signed it," Connor cut him from his thoughts, approaching Evan and reaching a hand out. Evan looked at his white cast, having a blank expression. He sighed, it looked pathetic.

"I'll sign it."

Evan looked up at him, shaking his head. "N... no, that's alright. You really don't have to."

"Do you have a sharpie?"

Evan was hesitant, but there was something in the way Connor looked at him. It was as if he knew him. He couldn't stop himself from reaching for the sharpie and handing it to him. Connor carefully reaching for his arm, and gently holding it as he signed his name.

"There. Now we can both pretend we have friends."

It shocked him, how careful he was with his arm, he would have thought that Connor would tug it towards him and sprawl his name across it carelessly. But he was careful and wrote in the biggest letters Evan had ever seen: CONNOR.

Evan hadn't noticed that he was staring at the name on his cast until he heard the crumbling of the letter in Connor's hand. He looked up, saw the look in Connors' eyes as they scanned the page, and froze.

Oh no...

"Because there's Zoe...?" He looked up at Evan, his eyes narrowing, and Evan knew that he was in for it. "Is this about my sister?"

"Your sister?" He pulled at the collar of his polo shirt, looking away. He didn't know what to say, he had been caught by the very brother of his crush, and the only one he truly feared in the school. One thing was for sure, he was annoyed that they kept running into each other. "W...who's your sister? No, of course, it's not about her-"

"You think I'm dumb!?"

"What!?" Did I say something to make him think that!? He shook his head, his body now beginning to shake with him. He cursed himself for his sweaty palms and mentally knew that when the cast came off, the smell that would come from it was going to be awful.

"I'm not fucking dumb!"

"I never said you were!"

"But you thought it!"

Is this guy serious? "No."

"Don't fucking lie. You put this here knowing I would find it!"

"What!?"

He was dead, again, Evan made a quick prayer. He would have a few more broken bones by the end of the day, and that was certain. He envisioned Connors fist smashing a good few of his ribs, maybe his jaw...

"You saw that I was the only other person in the computer lab, so you wrote this, and you printed it out so I would find it."

Evan looked around the lab. It was true that they were the only ones, but how would he know Connor was going to see it? "Why would I do that?"

"So I would read some creepy shit you wrote about my sister and freak out, right?"

"No. Wait. What?"

Connor approached him, and Evan prepared for the worst, stiffening and cringing. But to his surprise, all he got was a finger in the face and a very angry Connor saying, "fuck you."

It wasn't until the door slammed shut that Evan even took in the breath he had been holding and sunk into a lab chair. He took a moment to relax when suddenly it popped into his mind. Connor still has the letter.

Both hands slapped onto his face and he ran them down his cheeks, pulling his bottom eyelids down as he looked to the ceiling. That was it. All hope of a good year gone. Connor was going to show Zoe the letter and Evan knew how this was going to end. The whole school was going to know how big of a creep he was, there was no doubt. It had happened before, Rich set a fire... He thought, sighing at how quickly rumors spread around his school.

He simply sighed, looking at the time and knowing that he didn't have time to chase Connor down and get his letter back. All he could do was print another copy and rush to the bus stop.