What If...?|| A "Dear Evan Hansen" Fanfiction

Is This a Good Idea?

"VIBE CHECK!"

I heard the open-handed slap on my back before I even felt it, a sharp sting going through my very spine as Jared could only laugh.

"Ow! Dude! What the hell!?" I nearly screeched, hunching over. All the eyes in the gym now on Jared and I.

He might not mind...

But I did.

"Is there a reason why we're meeting here at the gym?"

He gave me a face. A face I wanted to slap off him the moment I saw it. It was the look of 'really? How stupid are you?'

"No one from our school comes here. And I mean... Look at the view-" he said, gesturing to a woman who was lifting a set of weights on her shoulders. Ass out, legs flexed.

Now it made more sense.

Didn't disgust me any less though.

"What, so you make up a fake relationship with Connor and your eyes aren't on women at all? Weren't you in love with Zoe Murphy up until a week ago?"

I flashed him a glare, hand waving in his direction. "Say it louder, why don't you? I'm sure God couldn't fucking hear you-"

He chuckled. As he always did. And the thought that was always at the back of my mind came forward once more. 'why am I friends with this guy?'

"It is a valid question though, Evan. What about Zoe?"

I had to think about it. Hard for a moment. That really was a valid question...

"I guess I've been so busy with all this I haven't had the opportunity to..."

"Be creepy and stalk her around school?"

"Jared... Shut the fuck up..."

He smirked once again, pulling his laptop and opening it, eying the open document. Empty. A good place to rough out our emails...

"Dear Evan Hansen..." He began.

...:*:.:*:.:*:.:*:.:*:...

"

Sincerely, me."

I set the pages down on the table as my other hand reached for a fork. Eyes scanning the people before me to see the reactions of what they were being read.

Cynthia Murphy was crying. As I had expected. She was doing a lot of that since I first met her. Larry on the other hand reached to grab the emails and read them himself. That made my stomach leap into my chest but I wasn't about to show it.

Zoe just looked disgusted.

I just pretended not to be bothered and forced myself to take a bite of the pork chops Cynthia had made.

It was easier than I thought... Convincing the Murphy's. Telling a lie was so easy for some strange reason, but whatever the matter. They believed me. And that is what mattered.

"Why didn't he tell us, Evan. He sounds so happy with you... So real..."

I hummed, taking a moment to swallow my food.

"Coming out is a difficult thing..." Was all I could think to say. Drawing from my own experience.

"Deep down you can know your family supports you but... There's always those thoughts that are on top. Like... What if they won't? Or... What if they take you by surprise and end up being one of those families that disown their children..."

"Well he should have known better than to think that-" Larry interjected. The papers be was holding being slapped onto the table.

"Larry!"

"No, Cynthia. I think that maybe if you didn't coddle him as you did. He wouldn't have been so scared to disappoint you!"

My heart leapt. Was an argument really starting among them... While I was sitting here?

"At least I showed him love, Larry! I tried being here when you what-? Taught him how to catch? Ride a bike? Tie a tie? And if he didn't do it right, you'd shut down his masculinity?"

"I'm his father! That's my job-"

My eyes met Zoe's as we both gave each other a look of annoyance. Her gesturing for me to stand up with her.

I nodded, quietly wiping my mouth and pushing away from the table. The married couple too far into their argument to even notice what I was doing.

Zoe moved to the stairs, quickly running up them as I followed behind. And mindlessly followed her into her room.

"I'm sorry about that. I guess you can see where Connor got his craziness from..."

I chuckled under his my, hand pulling at the bottom of my sleeve. "Yeah... I guess so..." I said in reply, looking to her walls and dressers. Posters of musicians and make-up. Not too different from what I imagined her room to look like.

Wait. That was creepy...

My eyes landed on a guitar perched against the wall behind the door and I hummed.

"You haven't played for the school yet this year..." I commented, moving to awkwardly sit at the edge of the bed.

"Hm? Oh... Yeah. Well a lot has happened. I've been working on a song..."

"Can I hear it?"

She pressed her lips in a line and wrinkled her nose. Only to shake her head and chuckle. "Maybe when it's ready..." She said, looking down.

"I wanted to ask..."

"Ask what?"

"My brother... Did he... Talk about me?"

I paused, moving a little closer. "Well yeah. All the time..."

"Really?"

I could only nod. Noticing a subtle smile grace her lips, then quickly fade. My heart fluttered. Such a rare occasion I would see the smile. I wanted to see more.

I shook my head. "He said, there's nothing like your smile sort of subtle... And perfect and real...

He said
You never knew how wonderful
That smile could make someone feel..."

There it was... The smile across her face again as my own appeared in return.

"And he knew
Whenever you get bored
You scribble stars on the cuffs of your jeans."

Her feet shifted, and she pulled them back, crossing her ankles. "He really noticed a lot... I didn't think he was paying attention..."

I nodded. Smiling in reply to her words as I began to list endless things about her that I had noticed. Not Connor. But me myself. And the list went on and on for me.

But as I said them. Other things flew through my mind. Connor.

His art.

The laugh I had heard on the way to McDonald's.

The way he would tease me or the asshole remarks that made me chuckle.

Maybe it was his eyes.

Or perhaps the cold nature towards others that was turning warm towards me.

As I told Zoe all these things about her...

I found himself tearing up. Stopping short. And looking to her as my cheeks started to moisten.

"Evan... What's wrong?"

"I... I miss him..."