What If...?|| A "Dear Evan Hansen" Fanfiction

Chapter Six- The Envelope

He didn't even bother to take off his shoes. He found himself opening a drawer and pulling out the envelope he had left in there, throwing it on the bed in a short panic and planting himself on the edge of the bed.

He ripped out the pages, looking with wide eyes at the first page that was shown. The latest email that he had received from his mystery emailer.

"Everyone hates me at school. You hate me too."

His chest boiled, and an ache that was nearly unbearable made him hunch forward and drop the papers on the floor. All the feeling of the reality before him came in his mind.

He looked over the strewn pages.

Pages and pages of both him and Connor pouring their hearts out to each other. He had no clue the whole time. That this person that had become so close to him. The person he would wake up and check for an email from every morning... Had tried to kill himself.

And it was someone he knew.

...:*:.:*:.:*.:*:.:*:.:*:.:*:.:*:.:*:.:*:.:*:...

He was thirsty. And his throat hurt.

The first two thoughts entered his mind as he finally came to.

The headache came not too long after. And his aching chest and stomach came with it. All of him felt his decision from days previous. Not that he knew how much time had passed.

He knew he was alone. Not that he was shocked. He would have left him alone too. Not bothered to come visit or wait by his side. But his eyes moved, head slowly turning to the side when a shadow appeared outside the clouded window of his door. And soon the door clicked open. A nurse coming in the room.

She looked kind. Her face showing some aging, and her eyes similar to someone he had met not too long before hand.

She smiled at him. And he looked away. She wasn't showing a real smile. And he knew it. She was just pretending to make him comfortable.

"I'm Heidi Hansen. Glad to see you awake, Connor. We were starting to get worried," she said, her voice gentle as she crouched slightly next tho his bed, his head turning to meet her eyes.

"H-" he could hear his hoarse voice come through, lips closing as he cleared his throat. "Hansen?"

His voice didn't sound any better and he cringed slightly. Heidi shook her head, standing up and putting a hand on his head. "That's my name. Your voice will be out for a while, the tube we used probably scratched your throat pretty bad."

"Tube? How big was it?" Connor asked mindlessly, as Heidi gave him a look of confusion, not saying anything and making a rather large hole with her pointer finger and thumb to show him the estimated size.

"Cool," he said, Heidi raising an eyebrow and turning to look at his machinery.

"You're the same age as my son. How coincidental."

"Is his name Evan?" Connor asked, watching as she changed one of the bags on his I.V."

She nodded and turned to look at him. "You two know each other?"

Connor simply nodded, looking to the side as he remembered the incident they had in the cafeteria. I shoved him to the floor, he said to himself, deciding against saying it out loud. "We go to the same school. I signed his cast."

Heidi smiled at him, this one looking more genuine than the last. "I'm glad! Are you two friends?"

Connor paused, thinking for a moment. He knew Evan was the one behind the emails, and he knew that he considered Evan as someone close. But only behind a screen. If Evan ever found out that they were coming from him... Connor would close off. And regret telling Evan any of the secrets he did.