What If...?|| A "Dear Evan Hansen" Fanfiction

Chapter Two- Delicate

//A.N: So these first few chapters are the actual story. It will branch off from the actual story soon. Plz keep with it, I promise it gets gayer as you read.

~Lyle//

He always hated lunch, there was no doubt about it. He couldn't get away from the noise, and everyone seemed to stare at him. He hated it, and with every right, too.

He scanned the room, eyes landing on his only friend in the world, Jared. Part of him cringed, but somehow his feet found their way towards him. He wanted nothing more than to go into the corner of the room and hide from everyone. But he wasn't going to do that, not today.

"You, again?" Jared was not impressed, and Evan was tempted just to wave and walk away. But he couldn't make that decision when this wall of black stepped in front of him. The weed-smelling wall named Connor Murphy. He was shocked to see him again. Especially for the second time that day. Connor looked like he was off in his own world, but his eyes went to Evan, looking as if he was about to start a conversation when Jared opened his mouth. "Love the new hair length, Connor. Very school-shooter chic."

Connor froze, and Evan himself felt his heart leap into his throat. Is this guy nuts!? Is all he could think to himself, Connor looking to Evan with begging eyes. Evan himself only returned the look with confusion, his hands shaking and getting even sweatier than they were before.

"Dude. I'm kidding," Jared said, catching that making fun of Connor Murphy probably wasn't the best idea, considering the guy was unstable as is. There was history with this guy and Evan had seen it. Back in elementary when he threw a printer at a teacher. His eyes darted around the room. No printers, good.

"Oh yeah! Funny!" Connor said, Evan, shaking even harder now. The tone Connor had terrifying him. What if Connor actually has a gun!? "I'm laughing, can't you tell?"

Oh, shit. Is all that ran through Evan's head, he watched Connor turn to his friend, face covered in pure anger. His fists clenched and shaking. He's going to hit Jared... Evan knew full well that Jared deserved a good clock to the nose, but he also knew the repercussions that would come from it wouldn't look good on both Jared and Connor. Connor especially.

"Am I not laughing hard enough for you?" Connor's arm raised, ready to strike when Evan made the biggest mistake of that day.

He laughed.

It was out of nerves, and he really couldn't help it. But the way Connor took it, Evan knew he was dead. He mentally made a quick prayer to God, apologizing for not being able to control his stupid mouth. "Are you laughing at me!?"

Evan froze, hands ready to drop the lunch bag in his hands. "N...no. I didn't-"

"What, you think I'm a freak too!?"

That's it- "N...no really I don't-"

He was on the ground faster than he registered that Connor had shoved him. His eyes wide as he looked straight ahead, and not at anything. Connor huffing and standing there in front of him. "I'm not a freak! You're the fucking freak," he shouted, stomping off. Evan gulped, looking up to see Jared had backed away, some people staring at him. It had been the most attention that Evan had ever gotten in his life. And here he was on the ground receiving it. He wanted the floor to swallow him alive.

Fuck... is all that ran through his head, people moving on from the scene that just took place. He, on the other hand, sat there for a few moments longer, staring at the lunch that ended up all over the floor. A gentle hand reaching out to him.

He looked up and met the eyes of the girl the hand belonged to. Connor's little sister, Zoe Murphy. The same Zoe that Jared had been teasing him about earlier on that day. He wished to himself that what Jared had said didn't reach her. But the apologetic smile on her face reassured him that Jared kept his mouth shut.

"I'm sorry about my brother," she said as Evan casually ignored the hand and stood to his feet. He ran his palms over his jeans, looking at Zoe hesitate to pull her hand away. He would have taken her hand, but he didn't want her to feel his sweaty palms.

"You don't need to apologize," was all that Evan managed to squeak out, His voice cracking as he said it. Zoe, on the other hand, chuckled nervously and shook her head.

"No, I really do. He yells at you for calling him a freak while he's acting like one," her eyes met his and for a moment, Evan felt a pounding in his chest. Zoe Murphy was keeping a conversation with him. He had dreamed of this for years, and here it was, happening. Too bad it was because her brother had shoved him to the ground.

"Your name is Evan, right?"

"Evan...?" And the foot in mouth award goes to...

"Yes... That's your name, isn't it?"

Evan paused, looking for an answer in his head. When he clued into the fact that he had been staring at her instead of replying. "Yes! Evan! Sorry-"

She nodded slowly, extending a hand to him, again he just stared, and Zoe looked away, pulling her hand back. "I'm Zoe."

"Yes... I know," Evan replied almost instantly, regretting the words as soon as he registered that he had said them. He mentally kicked himself, forcing his hand to stay put even though he badly wanted to facepalm. Zoe on the other end raised an eyebrow at him. "You know?"

"Yes, sorry. You play guitar in a jazz band, sorry."

"You apologize a lot."

"I'm sorry."

Again, that awkward silence. Evan noticed her looking him in the eye with a look he had seen on Jared not too long ago. Disapproval. And here he was a disappointment not only the whole damned school, hut his long-term crush Zoe Murphy. He thought back to his letter that he had started... Today's going to be a great day and here's why... He envisioned himself crumpling it and burning it. It wasn't a good day. It was the worst 'first day' he had ever experienced.

Zoe had finally noticed him, and that was good. But he was staring, just taking in every detail of her confused and disapproving expression. He only realized that he was- when she talked once again. "Do I have something on my face?"

"Ah! No, sorry."

"Are you going to apologize again?"

Evan gulped, trying hard to keep his mouth shut. Zoe only shook her head. "You want to, don't you?"

Evan only nodded but kept his mouth shut. Zoe nodded slowly herself, turning to leave. "My lunch is going to get cold..." she said, looking away. Evan inwardly groaned, thumbing the sharpie in his pocket. Wait... the sharpie! He pulled it out and took one step towards Zoe, gulping and shouting "W...wait!" Zoe paused, turning on her heel to look at him. "Yes?"

He paused- the look on her face, not the same one from a few moments before. She looked nearly annoyed. He had messed up. It was too late to ask her to sign the cast. "N...nevermind..." he said, fighting the urge to apologize once more. He hated it when people pointed out that he apologized a lot. Because it made him suddenly aware that he did. Now he was left staring at Zoe's annoyed expression, regretting his existence as she didn't say anything and walked away. He simply sighed, returning the sharpie to his pocket and leaving the cafeteria to find a computer lab. Boy did he have one hell of a letter to write himself...