What If...?|| A "Dear Evan Hansen" Fanfiction

Here Goes Nothing

It was slow getting back. Both boys laughing about a reference that Connor had made to a movie they had both seen. Much to Evan's surprise. He hadn't been able to talk to many people about his interests. Especially his taste in movies.

The laughter was short lived when they reached the parking lot of the hospital, Connor's eyes falling on the building with what Evan perceived as regret... Only because Evan knew that face all too well.

He gulped, the urge to say something coming to him as he just simply stared. But he didn't know what to say. What even was there to say?

'Oh- I'm sorry you tried to kill yourself and now will be cooped up in this hospital until the end of the week-'

Yeah... No. Not helpful.

"Hey..." Connor said, breaking the silence. His head turning to meet Evan's stare at the side of his head. "Thanks."

Again, it was that shock that had gotten him when Connor had apologized earlier. That strange feeling that he couldn't describe. It froze him in place. Kept him standing there just staring at Connor as he walked towards the hospital. He didn't know if he should say you're welcome. Or if he should say thank you back. Regardless... It was hard for him to shake himself out of that blank, and start towards the doors himself, catching up with the taller teen.

They made their way into the hospital in complete silence. That was until they reached the psych ward. And there at the table stood Lary and Cynthia Murphy, talking to the nurse at the table. A look of concern on both their faces.

Evan froze and Connor looked to him. Evan knew he was shaking. He knew his hands were sweaty. He found feel it getting humid under his cast. He could only gulp hard. Both heads snapping towards them, when he could hear the nurse say, "ah-! There they are! His boyfriend took him somewhere."

There was an awkward silence. To Evan it lasted an eternity. He could feel the eyes on them. He didn't even have to look up to know that they were glaring at them. Probably were pissed. He probably would never be allowed near Connor again. And there went his last hope of ever dating Zoe.

Connor on the other hand took immediate action, taking a hold of Evan's hand.

Evan on the other hand could only gasp through his nose. His eyes looking to Connor then at the Murphy's.

"How long?" Was the first question that they were asked. And Connor was quick to advise they take this into a hospital room to avoid everyone getting a front row view to the conflict that was about to start.

When they got there, Connor took ahold of Evan's hand once more, nodding to him to reassure him that he had The situation at hand. That and... Well, to convince his parents even more of their relationship.

Wouldn't it just be easier to tell them at this point we're not together? That it all was a lie?

"How long?" Cynthia echoed, crossing her arms and looking between the two boys. Connor inhaling.

"End of May or early June..?" Connor said, Evan nodding rapidly. Cynthia only nodding and sitting on a chair as Connor let go of Evan's hand.

Cynthia raised an eyebrow and looked to Evan. Her eyes asked for more. And Evan could see a small glint of betrayal in her eyes. Did she believe her son? Or was she angry that Evan didn't tell her? Or perhaps she was feeling betrayed by Connor, who by this point may be lying about his very sexuality.

"We-"

"Not you, Connor- I want to hear it from Evan..."

Evan gulped and looked to Connor who shot Evan a look that he didn't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out what it meant.

Don't fuck this up...

Evan inhaled sharply, letting out a breath and looking to Cynthia, who now being her had Larry glaring at him.

"I...uh..." He wiped his hands on his shirt. "End of May or early June
This picture-perfect afternoon we shared..." He said, looking to Connor, who by this point was gripping the side of the bed.

Drive the winding country road...grab a scoop at À La Mode and then we're there...an open field that's framed with trees. We pick a spot and shoot the breeze...Like buddies do..." .

Cynthia relaxed, her eyes looking to Connor. Evan could feel himself relax a little, taking in a deep breath.

"Quoting songs by our favorite bands. Telling jokes no one understands... except us two. And we talk and take in the view," he continued, feeling himself cringing at the words that escaped his mouth. He didn't know where to go with this. And he knew he was lying every step of the way but that didn't stop him.

"All we see is sky for forever. We let the world pass by for forever. Feels like we could go on for forever this way.

Two friends on a perfect day."

He went on to discuss the things they would say to each other. The want for people to notice them. People they like and how much they would enjoy each other's company. And how every time they would be together he could feel their feelings grow stronger.

Then, to make it a little more believable, he brought up a story. One of which he had perfect proof for.

And there he goes, racing toward the tallest tree. From far across the yellow field I hear him calling, "follow me", there we go, wondering how the world might look from up so high.

One foot after the other. One branch then to another.I climb higher and higher, I climb 'til the entire sun shines on my face," he paused for a moment, remembering the actual events.

The feeling of being so numb when he reached the top that he couldn't feel a moment's peace. He couldn't feel the bright sun on his face. He couldn't... Feel... Anything.

He remembered letting go. Hoping to not feel the bottom. To just... Disappear.

"And I suddenly feel the branch give way... I'm on the ground. My arm goes numb...I look around... And I see him come to get me...He's come to get me and everything's okay..."

Cynthia was in tears. And Evan could feel his heart hurt. Just the pain of telling that lie and making the woman cry.

He turned to look to Connor to make sure that what he said was alright. But he was met not with disapointment. Not with a look of 'good job'.

But a strange warmth on his lips.

Connor was kissing him.