What If...?|| A "Dear Evan Hansen" Fanfiction

CONFESSIONS~

So. This isn't a chapter, but things are about to break off into some angsty stuff, so here are some DEH stuffs;

-It bothers me that Evan is always on the verge of tears when someone writes a fanfiction for treebros. He's stronger than you think, and anxiety isn't bursting into tears, it's analyzing every possible outcome of an issue and being afraid of the worst result coming true. And that makes you hide, and go into yourself. Not sit in your room crying all the time.

-Just like it bothers me that Connor is always self-harming/ high. Depression itself is very misunderstood, and we have no real idea what the cause of Connor's is. His family isn't nearly as bad as people portray it. It could be chemical or from his life experience. Depression is seclusion, and being unable to do things. It's a buildup not "he hates me, so I will hut myself!" To get to the point of self-harm... It's a lot more complicated.

-Fun Fact; I hated DEH at first. And I didn't know why. I just hated that someone could fake friendship with someone who killed themselves. The idea of that was... hard. But as I listened to it, it grew on me. And I realized why. I've had a very long and hard life, and these past few months have been very difficult. And when I heard the song "In The Bedroom Down The Hall" It clicked. I hated it because of how relatable it was. In all the worst ways. I was listening to Evan sing the words that were stuck in my head, and seeing the war I had with my family between Connor and his family. The mothers were my mom, asking the same questions my parents asked. And I was angry because it was healing something in me I was so angry about. And now... now I love it for that same reason. 

-I ship treebros because part of me wonders... If someone, anyone went to Connor in the Cafeteria after the incident, would he have died? And what would have happened if he lived? If someone noticed him even once that day... I dunno. I like to think that Evan has a kind heart, and if given the chance, he would reach out to Connor.

ANYHOW enough with the personal shit. Let's get some fluff~

-I like the headcanon that Connor listens to Disney music/ musicals in the headphones he's always wearing. It's soft and gentle ideas. And though he may be a little rough around the edges, he has that part of him that still likes to dream.

-Evan's favorite tree is apple trees. The blossoms are his absolute favorite.

-Connor likes the colour pink

-Evan has a thing for taller people

-Connor has long hair because he's secretly afraid of haircuts. (I like the idea of his short hair tho, I wonder how he'd look)

-Evan is scared of dogs

-Connor has a stash of chocolate coins under his bed. For the depression. Chocolate has natural chemicals that are good for the brain, y'all.

-Evan loves tea

-Connor is allergic to cats, but loves them too much to stay away. 

-Connor can't go a day without coffee

-Evan loves the smell of coffee breath, but can't stand the taste of coffee

-Evan loves icecream. (Vanilla being his favorite)

But yeah! I'll be posting the next chapter soon! Thanks for reading this far!!!!!