It's Not Enough.

Chapter 16

My parents were home. No call, no texxt, no warning what so ever. I found out when I decended the stairs early this morning to their familar voices mixing with Taylor's voice and Nick's. When I heard them I stopped on the second to last stair unable to move. 

 I haven't seen my parents for weeks. I was use to it by now, ever since the incident they haven't been home, but i wish they would have informed me they were coming back. So instead of running full force and welcoming my parents in with open arms I stood frozen at the bottom of the stairs listening to them talk so openly with Taylor and Nick.

"So how's basketball going Taylor?" My dads rough voice questioned. The sound of his voice brought a mental image of him in my mind. The tall dark haried man with gentle blue eyes that were similar to a morning sky. My dad and I didn't resemble each other that much except we shared the same ears and deep set dimples. I looked more like my mom. Everyone always seemed to remind me how similar we look. We were practically carbon copies of each other ecept my mom had a more petite set frame while mine was built with muscle from years of playing sports and her eyes had lost the sparkle they once had. 

"It's going well actually. For a while we thought we were doomed due to the fact we lost some pretty valuable players but Zara came in and saved the day," Taylor admitted. Each of his words were laced with so much pride it made my heart flutter with love for that boy. I could practically seeing him smile that wide row of pearly whites as he glanced at his intwined hands up at my parents who looked practically bored at the conversation. 

"Oh," Was all my mom said. That sinking feeling returned to my stomach. It was a feeling i have grown accustomed to. It was disappointment, not just in them for not caring but in me for making them this way. They weren't always like this. 

 "Yeah she was great and the coach was being idiotic, he almost lost us the game, but Zara ripped him to verbal shreds, took over as coach, pushed us to the lead and when she got the chance to take the winning shot she side stepped the glory and gave the ball to Gavin who won us the game," Nick explained. I knew what he was trying to do. He was trying to make them see how amazing I was. He ws trying to get them to understand, but sometimes we can't run from the past and my parents are perfect example of that. 

"Yeah that sounds like somethings she would do," There was no pride in my mom's voice on the fact that I picked my friends happiness of my own personal glory or that I single handedly faced down a man the size of a Rhino in order to win the game for my school. Her voice was dry and lacking of emotion. It was like any topic of conversation involving me seemed to drain every ounce of energy in their body leaving them empty shells. 

"So how's your dad doing Taylor? Still training you hard? I bet he goes to all the games," My dad's voice seemed to grow excited with the new topic of conversation even though Taylor was growing even more uncomfortable with it. Taylor never really liked talking about his dad which is why talking to my dad was always a disappointment. Normally they could get away with ust talking about sports but at some point my dad always has to bring up his dad. It was like he had some weird fascination with the man that none of us will ever understand. 

"Yeah, he is," Taylor whispered. In that moment I wanted to just run forward and hug him, to comfort him because the hurt in his voice broke my heart, but I couldn't. I was being selfish at this moment as my body remained frozen in it's place. All I could do was stand here and wallow in self-pity at my uninterested parents. 

No matter what I did I was never good enough anymore. Both of my parents always seem to deflat in my prescense, finding ways to leave the room or occupy themselves so that they wouldn't have to keep up a conversation with me. But with the boys they had no difficulties at all showing their love.