Riverside Academy

Chapter 23- Fighting Demons

Spencer’s POV 

It’d been a week now since I’d returned to school and I’d lying if I said I’d caught up with the missed work. I did most of what I missed, apologizing to my teachers but didn’t tell them why I was gone. Anyone that asked I just said ‘Oh I had to attend some family business' which made it seem more like I actually was part of my families business in the sense where I attend meetings, filed papers, gave reports, all that boring stuff. Better let them come up with their own wild stories rather I tell them what really went on in my life.

The bruises from Ryan’s and I fight had mostly healed up, some were pretty bad and I was insanely stiff. For the most part, I just went to school then back to my room to lay down. I remained pretty upbeat and happy around Joey and the others even if I didn’t really feel to happy. Ever since I returned, I’ve just felt…empty? I was constantly brooding over my mum’s death and unsettled issues with Ryan. Don't get me wrong, I didn't care how badly he got hurt from our fight but that didn't meant I wanted to talk to him. 

I'd never know that's how he felt about the whole situation with our mother. I don't regret the things I said, they're solid facts like the ones he spit back at me. I didn't know how to talk to him though. He always said something to tick me off and we'd be back to ground one, swinging fists at each other. 

I recalled what he'd yell at me last. 'No, messed it up too. You couldn't be normal. You're the idiot.' Quite harsh but it hurt to hear that coming from him. I'd never admit it to anyone but, even though we never got a long, I was still happy I had a brother. I hated being an only child. It was often so damn lonely but it was true I was kinda disappointed that we fought all the time and never came to be close at all. I wanted to be closer but I just never figured out how to do that when we were forced to hang out together. Maybe that was our way of communicating, I don't know. But going back to what he said, I started to think maybe it was partly my fault for her death. 

Well, I mean I got it wasn't, I couldn't stop a car from crashing into her or her incurable sickness from taking her away from me but I'm sure I caused her tons of stress. We fought often, mostly due to her disagreement on who I was and I rarely never said 'I love you' to her. In fact, even in her last few days I hadn't said it to her at all. But then again she never once said it to me either and in a sense, I felt horrible. What kind of person didn't tell their mother they loved them? the only reason I was here in this world was because of her and I hadn't the decency to thank her once or tell her I loved her. 

I regretted that, I suddenly wished I could go back and say it to her more often. But would she even believe me? She despised my clothing and sexuallity choose, constantly bugging me about it. Maybe Ryan was right, I did mess shit up as well. I couldn't be a normal person and so our relationship was terrible. Not only that, because I was always causing trouble she neglected her other child. I really am an awful person! 

"...cer? Spencer!" I jerk my head up as look around wildly. I was sitting in a classroom full of students who were looking at me and a teacher looking a little annoyed. "Yes?" I ask in a strangled sounding voice. I clear my voice "Sorry, yes?" I say looking at him. The teacher just looks at me for a moment "Pay attention or leave" comes his answer as he turns to the front bored. I sigh heavily and nod, slouching in my seat some as I try and pay attention. My mind kept whirling around though to the point where I couldn't stand it. Jumping up, I just run out of the room, leaving all my things behind. One of Joey’s friends was in the class, I think, hopefully they'd get my stuff. 

I ran down the hall as fast I could, slamming into a door to push it open as I sprint across the fields. I make a breadline to the forest, entering it and disappearing swiftly. I keep running till I reach the lake with the waterfall, the place where I liked to sit and think other away from things. I stand by the waters edge, panting some as I try and catch my breath, dropping to my knees as my legs give out under me. I sit there breathing heavily for a minute or two, finally catching my breath and taking a deep one as I looked around for a moment. I stared at the waterfall, watching the water crash into the lake only to keep moving on peacefully. I sit there silently as I take my surroundings in, trying to calm myself down so I could return to class. But I could feel the emotions swelling inside of me, pushing at the walls and treating to break through. Everything I refused to show or let out, it was finally adding up and taking it's toll on me.