Falling Apart

Chapter 9

We're in my room, the door locked even though dad hasn't been home for a few days. We're lying on my bed, both reading old novels. I'm reading Pride and Prejudice what I’ve wanted to read for so long, but none of the stores had it. Mom did. Jug is reading Hound of the Baskervilles.
I feel Jughead placing the book he was reading next to him, onto my bed. We're cuddling under the covers, his arm around me, my head on his chest, both reading one of the old books my mom had in here. I can't help but smile as his other arm wraps itself around me as well. I know that he's looking at me. I know the feeling of his eyes on me, staring me like I'm the most beautiful thing he has ever seen. I keep smiling and reading, though I can't concentrate on any words.
“I love you,” his soft low voice says.  I freeze and the little smile on my lips disappears. I slowly turn my head up to look at him. He's smiling down at me, eyes looking tired and loving. Love.
I cup his face with both of my hands, lean up and kiss him. We both smile into the kiss, making it a little hard, but nothing is stopping us if we want to kiss. When I pull away, my cheek rests against his. “I love you too,” I breathe out.
He smiles and keeps caressing my cheek with his thumb, our eyes melting together, forgetting ourselves in them. I love the feeling of him pressing his soft lips against me to kiss my forehead.
We just lie there for a few minutes. I feel his body heat flowing to me through his shirt.
“What?” he chuckles after I've looked up at him many times now to ask him the question lingering in my mind. I shake my head a little and rest my head back onto his chest as I did the other two times. His hand brushes through my hair. “Baby, I wanna know.”
I gulp, blushing from the top of my head down to my toes. He sniggers at me and I hit his chest. “Come on, please?” he asks. I look up at him. His lower lip is pressed in front of his upper one, looking adorable.
“How do you sleep at home usually?” I ask quietly as he keeps stroking my hair.
He chuckles and lifts my chin up as I'm red again. I try to avoid his eyes, but he forces me to look into them, so I only go even more red. He lets out a shaky breath, like he'd hold back his laugh. “In my boxers. Why?” he teases.
I narrow my eyes at him and pull my chin out of his hand. I place my head back onto his chest, covered by the soft grey T-shirt what annoys me.
“Baby,” he chuckles as I open my book again, my lips pursed into a pouty face. His hand disappears from my hair and the same happens to my book as he takes it and places it on his, beside him.
I keep my head down, like I'd continue reading it. He softly pushes my head off of him and slides out of the bed. I frown and look at him sadly to call him back, but when I look at him, my thoughts go away.
He pulls off his shirt, revealing the abs what are only toned out a little and his biceps, what makes me feel safe almost immediately. My air gets cut off and my breathing stops. Shivers start running up and down my body, I wish they'd never stop. He also pulls off his pajama pants, leaving him only in his boxers.
He gives me a goofy smile and gets back into the bed next to me. I keep a little distance between us. He groans quietly. “Oh come on, I didn't just take my shirt off for you to sleep on the other side of the bed,” he says.
I start blushing as his arms wrap themselves back around me and he pulls me against him, my head resting on his biceps. I don't look up into his eyes, ‘cause I'm sure he's looking at me anyways and I'd just get more embarrassed. I slowly rest my hands onto his bare chest and I feel his arm get goosebumps as I slide them a little down, towards his boxers. I slide them onto his abs. Softening and relaxing my hands a little, I start drawing patterns onto the muscles on his torso. I feel him kissing the top of my head softly. My chest tightens at the touch and I smile a little while I keep moving my hands.
In a few minutes, I turn more onto my side, my hands on his abs, just to be more comfortable. But my elbow accidentally touches something what I can feel even outside of his boxers. The result of me caressing his abs for a while.
I shoot my head up to apologize, but the sight I see next is just too cute. Jug's eyes are squeezed together like he'd be incredibly embarrassed. His face is red what usually doesn't happen.
“Sorry,” he breathes out, not opening his eyes to look at me. It tightens my chest even more. He thinks he has to apologize for getting turned on by me. He probably thinks I'm scared by it or something like that. We've been dating for more than a month now. Almost two. I'm not scared of him. Never will be. I love him.
My one hand stays on his abs but the other one goes onto his cheek. His eyes start opening slowly, his face still crunched up, but as my lips meet his, I feel him relaxing and his eyes closing again. His arms pull me more towards him, even though we're already pressed together. When I pull away, we both open our eyes, he opening his mouth as well, for sure starting to apologize. I smile at him softly, which makes him close his mouth and smile back sadly. “I’m sorry,” he still says.
“For what Juggie?” I chuckle quietly. “It’s your body, you can't control it. You don't have to control it. I'm okay,” I assure him.
“You're not uncomfortable?” he asks with a little frown on his face.
“Not at all,” I whisper and kiss him again.
A few minutes into the kissing, I feel the desire to remove all the cloth what is separating our bodies from each other. His arms slowly unwrap around me and his hands move onto my sides instead. He starts moving his hands up and down on the sides of my torso, outside the pajama shirt I'm wearing. He pulls me on top of him. The pressure in his boxers is so strong now, I just slide my hands into his hair and start tugging on it as he moves away from my lips to kiss my jawline and my neck. His hands touch the end of my shirt and tug on it a little, but then he loosens them and stops kissing me as well, looking up at me.
I look at him in confusion. “Don’t stop,” I breathe out and connect our lips again. He pulls away immediately, making my heart ache. He's not into me. He doesn't want to go that far with me.
“Baby, are you sure?” he asks instead. He thinks I don't want to? “We don't have to, if you're not comfortable.” I love him even more than before.
“Why wouldn't I be comfortable? I love you.” I ask with a small voice.
He sighs with a sad smile. “You’ve told me about everything. I just wanna make sure you want to do this with me and that you won't be scared.” His hands are still on my sides, all the warmness going into my body. For some reason, tears start flowing down my cheeks. He cares about me.
“Why are you crying?” he asks with a sad chuckle. He leans up a little, since I'm still on top of him, and kisses my cheeks just under my eyes, tasting my tears with his lips.
“I love you,” I cry.
He smiles, “Then why are you crying, baby?”
“I don't know,” I breathe out, making him giggle sadly.
“I love you too,” he whispers. I lean back down to him and kiss his lips, but I let go of his hair. My hands move down to his over my shirt and I move both of his hands to the end of it. He slides them under my shirt, over my skin. This feeling. I'm unable to describe it. His strong hands, what aren't too soft but not too rough either, are finally against my bare skin. Finally.
We pull away just for a moment as he pulls the shirt over my head and throws it on the ground. I giggle quietly and then his eyes look back at my body. He's unable to see it that well at the moment, because our bodies are pressed together, our stomachs together, my breasts against his chest. Just as I think he's going to kiss me again, he flips us over, a little giggle escaping from between my lips. He's on top of me now, a smile lingering on both of our faces. He kisses me just for one more time and then sits up carefully, so that I wouldn't get hurt.
I start blushing as he looks at my bare upper body and bites his lower lip unconsciously. He leans back down to me, his lips connecting with mine as he kisses me. And then they move down again. Down my neck, over my breasts, down my ribs, stopping on my stomach. His hands are still resting on my sides, his eyes are closed as I'm staring down at him. Both of our heavy breaths are cut off by his lips starting to kiss my stomach softly.
“You're so beautiful,” he breathes out. I'm not sure at first, if he meant for me to hear it or not, but as he kisses me back up to my neck and lips, he says it again. “You’re so beautiful.” And now I know he wanted for me to hear it. He needed for me to hear it.
I remember what he said to me two months ago in that hostel. That even under all the bruises and scars he thinks I look beautiful. And he has proved to me, that he really means it. Every single time our eyes meet for the first time of the day, he tells it to me. It always makes the butterflies appear in my stomach and my chest tighten.
My hands move down to his boxers. I'm not as polite as he is, I'm not asking him anything. I feel he wants for me to do it and that's all what matters. That's what he gets. I pull them down. He pushes them off of his ankles and starts kissing my neck again as my hands intertwine with his thick black locks that I love to play with.
“Jug,” I breathe out as he finds the soft spot on my neck and sucks on it. “Jug. We need a condom. Tell me you have one.” I moan again as he unlinks his soft swollen lips from my neck and I keep feeling them on it. He rolls himself off of me and I see him pulling a condom out of the pocket of his leather jacket. He opens it and slides it on and then looks at me, both of us still breathing rapidly. We smile at each other exhaustedly just before he comes back on top of me, making it even harder to breathe, but so much more enjoyable.
He moves his lips all over my body again as my eyes are closed and I'm breathing rapidly. He makes his way down my stomach and looks up at me for permission. I give him a small nod and he smiles timidly at the blush creeping on my neck and cheeks. He removes my pajama pants and panties and then connects his lips with the skin on my left knee. He continues kissing me softly, this time his lips tracing over my thighs while my legs are parted a little. I get goosebumps all over my body, even my nipples, as I feel his breath on the inner side of my left thigh. He sucks on it softly before moving on. It's so soft, but passionate that I can see the hickeys forming and then disappearing again. Forming. And again, they disappear.
He reaches my pubic area. I think he feels me tensing up, and to help me not to panic and to help me relax, his one hand starts softly moving up and down my bare side, his fingertips tingling, leaving my body to do the same after he moves them away again. His other hand takes mine into his, which sends all the butterflies into my stomach what is doing flips. He brings my hand to his lips and kisses it a few times before intertwining our fingers and leaving them against my thigh, where my hand ends.
He kisses me up to my stomach and then starts moving his lips down on my body again. The moment I feel the hot breath from his mouth against my prepuce, I get wet, and now it's my turn to close my eyes from embarrassment.
“I love you,” he breathes out and his lips kiss my clit. It feels like heaven. Even his hands against my skin make me feel this way now. I won’t be able to live without that feeling anymore. I need him. I need you.
“Juggie,” I moan as his tongue keeps moving on my clit and he moves it a little down. He looks up at me with a pleasuring smile on his face. “I need you,” I breathe out and pull him more up to me, my one hand in his and the other one in his hair.
He comes back up to me and connect our lips again. I taste myself in it and he seems to enjoy it. I tug on his lower lip, he immediately opens his mouth to let my tongue it. We fight for dominance just for a few seconds before he pulls away a little. “Tell me if it hurts,” he whispers.
I don't have the time to nod, I just pull his head back down to me and smash his lips against mine.

“Baby?” Jug asks quietly as I’m almost asleep. Our bare bodies are pressed together, my cheek snuggled into his chest, hands on it as well. His arms are wrapped around me, holding me securely against him, his one hand in my hair, playing with it.
“Hm?” I ask tiredly. I feel him lean his head down a little and tilt it to see my face. I open my eyes with a small timid smile, my eyelids trying to shut immediately after I do the little move.
“Sorry, keep sleeping,” he whispers and kisses my forehead before lying back down normally and tightening his arms around me. The light is off, but of course he feels my head turn up to face him and sees my eyes sparkling because of the stars shining into my room from my window.
“What is it?” I ask softly.
“I was going to ask what were we going to do now that school starts,” he says quietly, his hand softly stroking my hair.
“We still have 2 more days before you break up with me, I don't wanna think about it now,” I say and close my eyes, but leave my head like this. A little grin comes onto my face as he chuckles.
“Right,” he whispers sarcastically. I open my eyes again.
“I don't know, baby,” I say. “We’ve hidden it for almost two months now, but now everyone is back in town and when the school starts, we won't be able to go to Pop's without anyone noticing. Or by the river as usual, because it's already too cold.”
He smiles sadly. “Well what if… We won't hide anymore.”
A sad little smile forms onto my face. “Juggie, if my dad will know, he'll kill me."
“I don't get it. He doesn't give a shit about what you do, why does he care if you have friends or not?”
“I'm not the only one tired from the moving. Even if he initiates it, he's still tired.”
He shakes his head sadly, his hand what was in my hair just a second ago now cupping my cheek and caressing it. “You always want to see everyone like they're good persons. He is not good Betty. And neither is that carrot next door.”
I chuckle at his carrot next door what he calls Archie. “Juggie, you'll be in a different school. You could still keep climbing up that ladder beside my window and visiting me like right now,” I smile big.
He purses his lips a little and pecks my nose. “I will. I was just thinking… The whole town doesn't have to know, but… What if I introduced you to my family? My dad and sister I mean,” he says.
“Really?” I ask with a small smile. “You’d wanna do that?”
He tilts his head a little, his blue eyes connected with mine. “I love you, baby. And I think my dad at least has the rights to know that. So does your whole school actually, or at least all the heterosexual guys and lesbian girls,” he grins.
I giggle quietly. “You’re cute.”
“And so are you,” he breathes out. I lean up just a little and kiss him for a few seconds. After we pull away, I snuggle my cheek back onto his chest and close my eyes. He keeps fondling my hair and kissing it once in a while.
Just before I'm about to fall asleep, I mumble to him, “I'd like to meet your family.” I feel his lips brushing softly against the back of my neck and I shiver just a second before falling into the unconsciousness.