Falling Apart

Chapter 15

Snow. Riverdale under snow is one of the prettiest things I've ever seen. The thick unique snowflakes falling on the ground, the trees, the slides and swings on the old playground we often chill at. The way the cold re-creates the magical ice crystals on the windows of Pop's after we breathe our hot breath on them. The way Jughead pulls his beanie off to shake his hair dry when we're alone.
I ring the doorbell to Veronica's mansion. In a minute, the door opens. It's her mom and seems like she has been crying. "Hi, Mrs. Lodge." I smile and decide not to ask anything at the moment. I'll hear from Veronica.
"Hi, Betty. Come in," she says and sniffles. I smile sadly and get inside. "Veronica's in her room."
I nod. "Thank you." I push my shoes off and leave them into the hallway as usual, also place my coat on the stand and pull my hat off as well. And then continue my way to Ronnie's room. I knock on the door two times and go inside. She's on her bed, lying and just staring up at the ceiling. She has tears rolling down her cheeks. My face tenses up in worry.
"Hey, V," I say softly. She moves her head a little and looks at me sadly.
"Hey," she says quietly and turns her gaze back to the ceiling. She sounded sad even in the phone. Something bad must've happened.
I walk to her bed and sit on the edge of it. My hand moves onto her hair and I start stroking in softly after pulling my legs up on the bed as well. I give her time, I know how hard it is to tell anyone about personal stuff. No one still knows why my dad's in jail or that I've been abused all my life. It's been a month since I've been living alone now. She knows I'm alone, obviously. She's been over for a few times.
"My parents are getting a divorce," she says with an emotionless voice. I raise my eyebrows in shock and she turns onto her side to face me. "I know it's not a big deal, 'cause he's in jail anyways, just..."
"V, I get it, why you're sad. He's your dad. He might be a criminal, but he's still a good dad for you," I say.
She smiles thankfully and sighs. "Like with you, right?"
"No, not really." I decide to tell her the truth.
"What do you mean?" she asks carefully, sitting up and crossing her legs like I am doing.
"Uh, well you know he's in jail," I say. She nods. I sigh and drop my hand from her hair, onto the bed. "He-He's never really been a dad to any of us. After my mom died when I was born, he started drinking and then later doing drugs... My brothers grew me up. And uh..." she's in shock, but I decide to tell her the truth. "My childhood was a hell," I say and pull my sweater over my head.
Her eyes go wide, seeing my cut up hands, full of old pink scars what I've made myself. I look at her face while carefully rising the end od my shirt up and showing her my stomach.
"Oh my god," she breathes out quietly and her fingers automatically come to my stomach. She touches the scars softly, her fingertips really warm. Then she pulls her hand quickly away and looks at me sadly. I let my shirt fall back down and she looks at my arms worriedly. "I have a lot to tell you about. But right now, I want you to talk to me," I say. She smiles sadly and nods. I pull my sweater back over my head and we both lie down on her bed, facing each other.

With a few hours, we've told each other everything. I really know who she is now. It appears that she hasn't been telling anyone many of this either. She started from her childhood. How she was a daddy's girl, how his business was risky, he never apologized for anything, he just bought gifts to say sorry. One of the gifts being the pearls she's always wearing. She told me about how the people took everything from them when her father went to jail. How they took the I-phone from her pocket, the jacket she was wearing. How much she cried and how her mom calmed her down. How she got the chance to become a better person, not a rich bitch, when she moved to Riverdale. Her life hasn't been easy either.
I started my story from the very beginning. How my mom died, my dad always blamed me, my brothers (mostly Matt) taking care of me. How I started to call Matt 'daddy' when I started talking and how they always corrected me by telling me that he's my brother, not dad. I told her about my dad, showed some scars, told her a few stories about them. Then more about my brothers. She knew where they were, but she didn't know anything specific. Like now she knows that I haven't seem them for so long, well, Nick was here a week ago and she got to meet him as well, but the others... And then about how we've always ran from one place to other. About how poor we were and the boys tried to get me some clothes when we were little and none of them could work. They were all boys, so they wore Matt's old clothes, but they didn't want for me to wear a boy's clothes, so Nick bought a red shirt and threw it into the washing machine with the boys' white shirts, making them pink and 'appropriate' for a girl. I told her about my anxiety and my therapy sessions one a week and how it helps me.
"I feel like a jerk for shining about my life," she sighs. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be. Your situation is bad. Like really bad, Ronnie. You've had your parents your whole life and now your dad is gone and mom doesn't care about anything anymore. At least I have never knows what normal parents should be like. It would hurt too much."
She is quiet with me for a few seconds, both of us crying softly. "I'm sorry, Betty. About your mom. And about your whole life."
"Well now you at least know why I change in the bathroom when we have gym," I joke.
"Always long pants and long sleeved shirts or sweaters... You shouldn't be embarrassed of your scars, B. It shows how brave and strong you are for getting through all of this."
"They're ugly," I say quietly, looking at the scars on my palms what I also told her about now.
"They're unique. From what I just heard over the past hours, the life you've had to live all your life is what has made you you. I have never had problems with money, food, clothes, anything. The way you've had to live your life is exactly what has made you the shy but sassy girl I know. These words don't usually exist together, but with you they do. You're special, Betty."
I had no idea what you were really like and now... I love you even more. I wrap my arms around her and pull her into my embrace. She gets tense at first, because I usually never initiate any hugs, but then she relaxes and hugs me back really tightly. "I love you," I say, holding back my tears.
"I love you too," she says and I feel that she's actually crying. "Thanks for trusting me."
"Was that sarcastic?" I ask as we pull away. She chuckles at me. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before."
"I didn't tell you either. I haven't still told Kevin. I just want to have someone who doesn't know and still makes me feel better and happy, you know?" she says/asks.
I nod, totally getting the feeling. "So that they wouldn't pity you like everyone else."
She nods now with a small smile. "Exactly... Also. When can I see Jughead again?"
"Hm, everyday at school?" I ask, confused.
She giggles quietly. "Yeah, okay. I just wanna thank him."
"Why?" I breathe out with a big smile. These two are getting along, but they still have some reluctance for each other. Ronnie's dad used to have something to do with the Serpents and the Serpents are the ones who get him to jail or something like that. So they get along for my sakes but they're not actually feeling it.
"From what you've told me, he's the most supportive and loving boyfriend possible. I wanna thank him. For taking care of you."
I'm seriously moved. I have tears in my eyes and I'm smiling. "What about Archie?" I ask. "Does he know?"
She shakes her head. "No one knows. Except for you. And I'm not planning on changing it."
I frown. "I don't get you guys. You break up so many times, date others, but always come back to each other. Why? If you don't even trust him."
She sighs and shrugs. "Boys screw me over. Only wanna have sex with me and then leave when I reject them. He doesn't."
"But you don't love him either," I say.
She raises her eyebrows. "Where are you taking that?"
I shrug. "I've never heard you guys say that to each other," I say quietly.
"You and Jughead haven't done it either."
"Not in front of you guys," I say. She starts smiling big. I give her a small smile back. "You deserve more than Archie, V. He's the one breaking up with you all the time to get other girls. And when he screws up with them, he wants you back. You always agree. He's not for you," I say.
"I know. I just want someone, who... You know," she sighs.
"Tells you you're beautiful? Makes you feel good?" I ask.
"Well, yeah. Basically," she says, looking down at the bed.
"And how many times has Archie done that?" I ask. I see her mentally freeze as she looks up at me with widened eyes.
"None," she says in shock.
I raise my eyebrows and nod. "Right. V, he doesn't deserve you. I can't tell you to break up with him, but if he does and wants to come back later, don't let him."
She smiles sadly and looks down at the bed, sighing. "Who am I without him?"
I let out a sharp breath, not believing she just said that. "You're Veronica Lodge. The rich bitch gone the best fucking friend anyone could ever have." She looks up at me with tears and a big smile. "I do think you're beautiful, V. All the people in our school think that too, boys and girls, I'm certain. You just need to wait for someone who'd actually be brave enough to tell that to you."
She hugs me again, so hard. "Thank you."