Love me the way I love you

17

Calum

It's the start of 2019 and we're waiting for Gia to show up at Ashton's house in LA because we have band stuff to get done. Last time we heard from her was that phone call, she's really distanced herself from us and maybe she needs it. There have been photos of her from paparazzi following her around, she's hiking, in the gym, and apparently has a dog. For us we thought she had enough alone time and we just wanted to know she's okay.

The door opened and we could hear her walking in. Gia stood there with a soft smile "Hey."

I got up and walked over to her "I missed you so much" I gave her a kiss and hugged her. Just wrapping my arms around her, she felt so thin and fragile.

She hugged me tight with her face buried in my chest "I'm so happy to see you."

We pulled apart and Gia gave the boys a hug "Look at you, you really thinned out" Ashton said.

Gia nodded "After I was done spiraling, I just worked out all day. It kept me busy and helped me with all the feelings I had bottled up."

I stared at her and something was different. I don't know what, but the way she was acting was like she doesn't know how to be around us. "You okay?"

She nodded slowly "Yeah, I just haven't talked to people since my dad's funeral. I just been keeping to myself lately."

We headed over to the couch and Kim came out staring at Gia "We're leaving in an hour."

Gia gave her a cold shoulder "I'm so exhausted from flying."

"It's a long flight."

"So what have you been up to?" I asked her putting my arm behind her head resting on the couch.

Gia just shrugged "Not a lot. After you guys had called when I got arrested, I showered, sat in the grass and drank. Then I got rid of my phone, walked around the city and found this dog and took him home. I slowed down on drinking, cried a little bit, saw a therapist, got a trainer, hit the gym, did boxing, and sat in the balcony writing and playing guitar. I just- I was able to breathe and be alone."

Ashton nodded "We heard you bought some stuff."

She awkwardly chuckled "Yeah, I threw my money down the drain- I bought a 5 million dollar house and a new Maserati. Why? I don't know."

"Do you regret it?" Luke asked me.

"It's a nice car, I don't see what's there to regret" I chuckled.

Gia laughed "I mean, I guess I bought it to make myself feel better about the shitty life."

//

Gia and I stayed at our place in LA and the boys headed back to their own place doing whatever. We just sat on the couch watching some movie, but we were catching up on the pass month and her new place.

I found out she's really been alone this pass time since she got her new place. Gia didn't talk to anyone she was close with, it was just her in the house thinking and doing her own thing.

I sighed and kissed her softly "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

"It's okay, I just needed to be alone and regroup myself. I think I needed that with everything that was going on- first us, then social media, my dad, and he died, and there's all these paparazzi. Being so isolated from the world, is so refreshing and I was just able to cry and grieve without anyone up my ass" she explained to me.

I nodded "Are you okay now?"

Gia nodded "I have to be, but I have you guys and I know that this is the way it's gonna be and I have with accept that."

I pulled her into me hugging her "I love you so damn much... I hate that you just had to do that by yourself." I rested my head against hers "I felt so crazy while you were gone, not knowing what was happening or if you were okay."

Gia pulled away and kissed me "I never knew I'd miss you so damn much..." I chuckled and kissed her back. "Can I tell you something?"

I pulled away "You broke the moment we were having."

"I'm being serious."

I laughed "I'm being serious too." Gia just rolled her eyes "Okay, what is it?"

"I don't want to lead you on... I don't think I should be in a relationship for a while, not until I know I'm okay" she mumbled looking down.

I pulled away from her "Ohh, okay..."

Gia's eyes watered "Can you say something else?"

"I don't know what I'm suppose to say" I mumbled. "I- you just got back."

"I know, but I just wanted to put it out there. I can't keep doing this complicated thing we have..." Gia tells me.

I sighed and nodded "You know I love you, we love each other. We're just dumb and have too much issues to say we want to be exclusive, we are exclusive anyways." Gia just nodded "I don't want to loose you again."

"I don't either, but it's what should be done. I don't want to commit myself to you, when I can't hold myself together..." she told me looking down. "You said it yourself we haven't been apart for the past three years and I need to be not in a relationship."

I sat up and walked into the kitchen "So that's it, I don't get a say?"

"Calum..."

I rolled my eyes and opened a beer "All this bullshit was for nothing."

Gia got up and walked over to me "I still love you and that's never going to change, but I need to be alone and focus on me."

"That's bullshit..." I mumbled. Gia put her hand on my cheek and I turned away "All that fucking bullshit we put up with was for nothing. I don't get it, why can't you do that as my girlfriend? It's the same and I'll be there for you."

Gia

I sighed "I need to work on myself and be the better me for you, for the boys, the band. I'm still a wreck and I need to fix myself."

"So what now, you're gonna move out? We're gonna act like we don't know each other? I don't get to talk to you? Tell me because I don't know what I'm suppose to do" Calum snapped.

I looked down and nodded "I need to grow outside our relationship and stop relying on you to be there. I'll still talk to you and FaceTime, we'll hang out and go on dates. I just I don't even know who I am without my dad, I need to figure that out on my own..."

He sighed and walked out the kitchen "Fine."

"Babe, seriously."

"Yeah, you seem to know what's right for us. And maybe I'm selfish and I know you been through hell, but what about me? It's been all you, I've had like six anxiety attacks because I didn't know if you're okay. I got nothing, no calls, not even a text, I just had to hope you were okay and not passed out on the street or in a wrecked car or in jail. You're all I care about, you're everything and you don't get to walk out just like that" he told me intensely using lots of hand gestures. Calum stared at me and I didn't say anything. "We're doing this together because we need each other. I did the whole two months away and I'm over it, you're not walking out on me again."

I sighed and nodded "Okay..."

Calum nodded and walked over to me wrapping his arms around me "I love you and you don't get to walk away so easily from me. I'm going to be there no matter what." He kissed my cheek and I rested my head on his chest listening to his heart beat.

"I love you too..."

"Come on, let's go cuddle on the couch. I missed holding you" Calum smiled pulling away leading us to the couch.