Love me the way I love you

24

Giovanna Gianniotti posted a photo.

*blank black photo*

. I owe it to the band and the fans to be honest- the past five months has been the downfall of my life and it's been difficult to pull myself out of it. All the hate I've been getting got to me, my dad died and I drank my pain away for nearly three months, and I'm so tired and exhausted from life and I feel like I don't want any of this anymore just be a nobody. I feel so drained out even when I haven't done anything yet.

My drinking was so bad that I don't even remember much from those three months. before getting back to the fame life when Who Do You Love came out, I was still drinking excessively because it helped me so much and I don't think I was ready to be in the public eye. I'm seeing a therapist for my mental health, but lately it feels like it's gotten worse the more I'm out here in the spotlight. I'm back at square one all over again around the time my dad died because I never faced my problems and ran to alcohol to avoid it because I'm a coward. I lost three months of my life while everyone is still out there living life.

My dad was my best friend and he's everything to me and I lost him forever. I know he's somewhere watching over me and the boys, but physically he's gone forever and I just want a hug from him and cry in my dads arms about all my problems. I'd give up every last thing I own and have just to spend one more day with him and to hear his voice one last time. Also because of the career path I've chosen, I don't get to face my problems because I'm forced to drop all that to simply just smile for people and the cameras or else I would be the jackass. Everyone has problems and deal with it in their own way. And mine just happened to be the wrong way and it just so happens that I'm a "celebrity" and our problems aren't as serious. Sometimes it feels like my only purpose now is to satisfy people and their needs regardless of my mental state. As much as I put myself first, it wouldn't matter because it's millions against me.

I don't want sympathy from anyone because they love me or something. Because of I'm falling apart in million pieces and trying to mend myself back together, I have to focus on myself as much as I hate it. I can't give people advice saying it will get better when I don't believe it myself.

We're still releasing the album later this year, but the tour with chain smokers is still questionable as it gets closer we'll see what we'll do. I'm so sorry that my problems affects the band and our plans for this year.

I never wanted this to happened but it needs to so I'm a better me for the band and you guys. I'll see you guys soon when I'm so much better than I am now and content ❤️- GG