Love me the way I love you

26

After coming back to the hotel from some diner with Ashton, him and Luke went to the airport to pick up their girlfriends at the airport.

Between me and Calum, we're back on the on and off thing and hooking up a lot. Honestly, it's concerning because it's so difficult between us. I got changed into something comfortable that wasn't dress pants and boots. I went for a hoodie, leggings, and Vans, then put my hair up into a pony tail. I didn't know where I was gonna go, but I wanted to go out since we had a break today.

"Hey..." Calum mumbled.  I gave him a soft smile through the mirror and we just stared at each other. He walked closer to me standing behind me "Where you going?"

I shrugged and fixed my clothes up a little more "Probably gonna go on a walk and look around for a while, I need some fresh air." I looked away and grabbed my little bag throwing in some stuff.

"Oh, okay. Can I come with you?" He asked me cautiously.

I looked at him "Of course. Are you okay?" Calum stayed quiet. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing... I think I've been in this hotel for too long" He said trying to make a joke.

I nodded "Alright then, you ready then? I'll wait for you" I told him sitting on the couch. Calum went into his room and came out changed into a hoodie and black skinny jeans.

We headed out the hotel as fans yelled at us and tried to wave them down, I was going to take photos, but Calum just kept walking not even looking at them. I sighed and followed him with my hands in my pockets "Do you want to go for a drink?" I asked.

He nodded and walked beside me. It took a while until fans stopped following us and paparazzi followed us snapping photos and videos trying to get a reaction yelling obnoxious things at us. Calum huffed "Mate back the fuck off!" He yelled.

My eyes widened and he just shook his head at the paparazzi. "Come on, let's go" I told him grabbing his hand pulling us into the bar. "What's going on with you?"

Calum looked at our hands and adjusted his hands so it was intertwined with mine. I looked at our hands interlocked and Calum gave me a sad smiled "I missed you... Why can't we just be together?"

I sighed shaking my head "Because I don't think I could handle loosing someone I love again." I was being honest, I'm scared to loose him and it might be twisted since we aren't dating. Going through the pain all over again scares me.

"So the seven years meant nothing, all of that just went away like that? Everything we had is just gone for you?" He questioned in pain.

"Of course not, but I can't loose you. If I love you all over again just as much as I do now, I won't be able to handle the pain of loosing you..."

He nodded "So that's it? I don't even get an opinion on this? You're my future, I been wanting to marry you since I fell in love with you when I was 16 and you decided that you don't want to be with me because you're scared that's im going to die one day. I'm sorry to tell you, but we're gonna loose everything we have at some point and we have to make the best of it." He was so frustrated with me.

"You don't understand the pain I felt when my dad died Calum, I can't go through that again" I mumbled.

He groaned "Fine. What if 60 years from now, we're living our own lives and you find out I died? You're gonna feel the same feelings all over again. It's not a good enough reason for me that you can't handle the pain again."

I just shrugged "Respect what I want Calum."

Calum's eyes watered "So you get what you want, what about me? You just hook up with me when you feel lonely, then you just cuddle and act like my girlfriend. Giovanna you can't keep leading me on giving me hope that we would get back together..." he wiped his eyes and stared at me waiting for a response, but I couldn't say anything. "Say something."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything.... I just- I don't know what to tell you" I mumbled.

He just nodded slowly "It's fine, I just, I thought this would go another way. I just love you so much and I don't think I could be around you anymore, I can't just hang out or hookup with you anymore. I'll never get over you if I'm around you because every time I see you my heart stops and it's like I fall in love all over again... I'm never going to be happy again if I can't get over you."

My heart stopped this wasn't what I wanted at all. My eyes watered and I clenched my jaw letting out a long breath through my nose as I nodded slowly.

//

Calum

Ashton and I sat at a bar together because we couldn't sleep. I just vented to him about everything between Giovanna and I, none of her reasonings was good enough for me, but it's what she wanted and I'm going to respect that.

I stared at the table and Ashton patted my back. "You okay?" He asked me. I shook my head and rubbed my head "Do you want me to talk to her? Talk some sense into her?"

I just shrugged "I don't want to give up, but I feel like the more I'm trying the more she pushed away from me. I just want to get her out of my head already..."

"It's not going to be easy, you guys practically been together for like six years or something... She was the one."

I wiped my tears "It just sucks... I don't think I'll ever love anyone else like this, I don't want to be with anyone else if it doesn't feel like this or more." Ashton sighed and just looked at me before ordering other drinks.

"You're still young, bud. You have a long while..." he told me. I nodded and took a long drink "Slow down..."

Ashton's phone rang and he looked at it "You could answer, I'll be here..."

He answered "Hey, I'm with Calum at the bar down the street" he said. He was quiet while looking at me "We're having drinks and talking..."

I sighed and rested my elbows on the counter with my head in my hands, I felt myself dozing off and Ashton shook me. I sat up and looked at him "Sorry..."

"Let's go back to the hotel..."

I got up and felt myself wobble, so I grabbed the table "Ohhh, I think I had one too many drinks..." Ashton came over leading me out the bar and getting a water bottle. "You're great... Kay is a lucky girl..."

He just chuckled and threw my arm around his shoulder as we walked back to the hotel "You need to walk a little bit more. You're just dragging you're feet." I groaned at him causing Ashton to laugh.

I found myself just thinking about Giovanna and next think I know we're at the hotel elevator. "I'm going to marry the wrong girl..."

Ashton looked at me "What?"

"You guys are going to be at my wedding and Gia is going to be in the crowd in a beautiful dress and I'll look in the crowd and see her, my heart is going to stop and I'm gonna realize that I'm messing up. For the sake of Gia, I'm going to say I do and try to love that girl I marry as much as I can. For split seconds throughout my days, I'm going to wish that it's Giovanna that I'm married to and have kids with..." I rambled.

I could feel Ashton stare at me not saying anything. I sighed "I don't know what I'm talking about... I'm just drunk."

He nodded slowly "You guys have a long way to go, she just needs time..."

"Yeah, the sad part is that I'd wait my whole life for her to be ready... but I shouldn't and I should go live my life..."

"You should."

I looked at Ashton "What if she is my life though?"