Starting Over

The Realization

Author's Note: I'm sorry it's been so long but I have had writer's block and finals are nearing along with other life challenges....🙃

Jace

I feel something in my arms and my eyes open instantly. Clary. We fell asleep last night. She stirs in my arms. She's not yours Jace. You can't let yourself get comfortable with this. Carefully, I slide my hands away from Clary's waist. Then, I slowly get up. I tip toe out of my room. Mom, I need her help. I make my way to the kitchen, hoping she's already awake. I see her pouring a cup of coffee. "Mom, I need your help," I comment.

"Good morning to you too son. Sit down and I'll make us some coffee," mom replies. I sit at the breakfast nook.

"Mom," I wring my hands around the coffee cup she hands me. "I think I care about Clary more than a friend cares about a friend." Don't lie to your mom Jace! "No, I don't think, mom, I....I know I....I love her." I love her. Her eyes, her smile, her heart, her strength, her tears, her scars, her battle wounds, her trembling hands, her scrunched forehead, her care of others, her pain, her bravery, and the way her presence calms my soul instantly without even trying.

"That's beautiful Jace," I look at my mom and see tears falling down her face. Why is she crying? Did I say that out loud!? "You have to tell her that. Tell her how you feel."

Clary

"You have to tell her that. Tell her how you feel," I hear Maryse tell Jace as I walk into the kitchen.

"Everything's good right now. Things are so complicated with Clary. Things can stay how they are. Clary doesn't need to know," Jace responds. Doesn't need to know? What is he hiding?

"She doesn't need to know you are in love?" Maryse counters. In love. H...he's in love. He promised me he'd tell me. He promised.

"No, she doesn't," Jace responds. W....what?

"Don't you deserve to be happy?"Maryse asks sassily. I knew he'd never like me back..... He deserves to be happy.

"Doesn't Clary deserve to be happy?" Jace counters.

I stomp my feet loudly, so they know I'm there. "Good morning," Jace smiles.

"Morning," I reply putting my fake face on.

"Would you like some juice dear?" Maryse asks me.

"I'd love some, thank you," I manage. They're both seriously going to pretend that they weren't talking about telling me that Jace is in love with someone. I mean, come on. I can't believe I let myself get so connected to Jace and his family. He doesn't like me back, doesn't feel the things for me that I feel for him. He feels them for someone else.....

"We'd better head home soon, if you're feeling upto it, I mean," Jace comments. I manage a nod. Why isn't he telling me, he promised....Maybe I should just leave.... No, I made that mistake already. I worried Alec and Izzy. Don't even get me started on what it did to Jace. I could never just leave, but maybe Izzy or Maryse would let me stay with them for a while......

"Maybe we could eat something before we go if it's not too much trouble," I reply.

"Of course it's not, I should've thought about that," Jace mumbles.

I wring my fingers nervously. "Jace, can I talk your mom for a while?" I ask my heartbeat thudding quickly. "Alone."

I sneak a glance at Jace who's looking at his mom. They seem to be communicating somehow. "Sure, I'll be in my room getting dressed," Jace responds.

I walk closer toward Maryse as Jace leaves. "What is it dear?" Maryse asks gently.

"I know it's a lot to ask, but do you think maybe I could please stay with you for a while? Once Bean is born, I can get a job and I can pay back rent and I can help around the house and-"

"Clary, you're welcome here. Don't worry about rent or back rent, we can discuss it later if you want to. Right now, you've got to worry about that precious baby growing inside of you," Maryse smiles genuinely. I run my hand over my bulging stomach slowly. "If you don't mind me asking, why the sudden change. I thought you liked it at Jace's. Did you two have a disagreement? Do I need to smack some sense into that senseless idiot?"

"No," I almost shout. "I...I mean it's nothing like that. I just...." I overhead your conversation. I know Jace is in love and I'm getting in the way of his happiness.

"You don't have to tell me if you're that uncomfortable. Just know that I'm always here for you hun," Maryse assures me. I nod.

"So, let's get you some breakfast. How do you feel about scrambled eggs?" Maryse asks curiously.

"I'd love some, thank you," I reply. I sit at the table while Maryse cooks the eggs. It gives me time to think about all of what I just heard. Jace. I guess he doesn't feel those sparks with me. Who knew they could be so one-sided? I mean, after I told him, and Sebastian told him, about what I did, what Sebastian made me do, he didn't leave. I guess that doesn't mean he likes me, just that he cares in a friendly platonic way.

"Here you go hun," Maryse says, handing me a plate.

"Thank you," I smile and take the plate. My hand picks up eggs and my mouth opens almost robotically. I can move my stuff in soon. I don't have much and Maryse has a few extra bedrooms. Just focus. Don't think about Jace, the pain. He doesn't owe you anything, in fact you owe him. He's helped you and now you need to return the favor and move out so he can be happy.

"Ready to go?" Jace asks bringing me from my thoughts. I look down at my empty plate. Ohhh

"Yep, just let me put this in the sink," I reply. Jace leaves to start the car.

"Hun, when do you want to come here?" Maryse asks gently.

"This weekend if you're okay with that please," I answer. Maryse nods.

"You better go now hun. I'll see you soon," Maryse smiles. I nod and walk towards the door.

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I do not own any of the Mortal Instruments books, materials, etc. All credit belongs to Cassandra Clare.

Author's Note:
I hope you all like it! Please leave comments, votes, and feedback. I'm going to update, when I do and it'll be random.

Originally posted: 6/1/19