FOREVER [Niall Horan] ✔

Chapter 24.

"Maybe there's something you're afraid to say, or someone you're afraid to love, or somewhere you're afraid to go. It's gonna hurt. It's gonna hurt because it matters." -John Green

Niall's POV

"Hi, mom." I fake a smile and pull her into a hug. I leave a small kiss on her cheek as I pull away.

"Hi, son," She cheerfully says, not quite knowing how I'm feeling right now, before I hear her gasp.

"What happened?" She hurriedly asks and takes my hand in hers to examine the cuts on my knuckles.

"It's nothing." I try to assure her and pull my hand from hers.

"Nonsense!" She takes my hand again and I hear a small wheeze leave her mouth.

"It's just a few small cuts. I'll clean it up," I say and walk past her into my room before she can say anything. I walk in my bathroom and rinse my right hand under the tap before taking a towel from the cabinet to wipe it clean.

The cuts are not very deep and they don't hurt, but it surely brings back things that I don't want to think about. I do not want to rekindle those feelings, the feeling of being hurt and broken and lost. I do want to go back there. I do not want to think about that night, the night that ruined me from the inside and left me helpless, until Ana.

It's just been a couple of months and I'm already so close to her. I'm scared of being torn again, so much that no one will be able to fix myself, I am scared of the way I feel about her. But, I let her in, I let myself believe that maybe I still have a chance at love. And now I cannot fathom the thought of Ana with someone else. I don't want to.

My mind is clouded and I know what I want just now. I throw the towel in the hamper and walk out of the bathroom. I rummage through my cupboards, but I cannot find what I want. I walk to my bed and ransack the drawers, finally finding a cigarette.

I pick up the single cigarette lying in my drawer along with the lighter that rests just beside it. I lit it and go to the balcony and take a long drag. I release a breath when I get the same satisfying feeling as the air fills my lungs. I devour the cigarette as long as I can. I soon realise that I want another one. I search the drawer again and find another one. I quickly lit it and continue to take it until I hear a knock, more like a pound, on the door.

"Ni!" Alex shouts from the other side of the door and bangs loudly on it. I sigh and put out my cigarette and flush it, for I don't want my mom to find out about it, and put a mint in my mouth before opening the door.

"Hi, Alex." I smile and pick her up in my arms. She wraps her tiny arms around my neck and pecks my cheeks.

"Are you okay? Your eyes look red." She furrows her eyebrows and keeps her hands against my chest. "Like before." She pouts.

"I'm okay and nothing is like before," I say lowly and walk downstairs with her in my arms.

"You're so quiet." She mutters.

"Am I?"

"Yeah." She shrugs.

"You wanna go out today. Maybe we could get some ice-cream?" I offer so that I can get my mind off of things and that she doesn't dig deeper on the fact that I'm actually not feeling okay.

I sit on the couch and place her on my lap as we reach the living room. She rests her elbows on her thighs and her head in her hands. "Or we can play your board games."

"No, let's go out, but you ask mom if we can go. Please." She pouts with puppy eyes.

"C'mon." I lift her and put her over my shoulder and she squeals. I walk towards the kitchen where my mom is preparing dinner. "Mom?" I call and she turns towards me.