FOREVER [Niall Horan] ✔

Chapter 61.

"I fell for you and I'm still falling"

Niall's POV

I exhale the fume of the burning cigarette and feel satisfaction fill my body and brain. I was craving this the whole night but I couldn't sneak out because I didn't want Ana or her family to think that I do it regularly. I have been doing it for the past two weeks since I didn't know what else I could possibly do to not think about how I lost the best thing that's ever happened to me and focus on my work but now I am acclimatized to smoking.

It is half past one after midnight, but I cannot sleep. I can barely sleep a couple of hours every night and would just think about how I'm so unhappy without her. And now, even though things are stable between us, I am worried about what she'll say when we'll have the talk.

I let the smoke fill my senses and not think about a few things that are running in my mind like her boss, Zayn, and how they went out together. It somehow feels better to not think about it rather than facing it.

I'm on my second cigarette when I feel someone sit down next to me. I flinch a little before looking at the person and gulp when I see Ana, an enigmatic look in her eyes. I furrow my eyes and put out the cigarette as she takes a seat right next to me on the concrete floor beside the garden. She pulls her knees against her chest and wraps her arms around it, staring in front of her.

"What are you doing up so late?" I inquire.

"I couldn't sleep." She shrugs. "What are you doing so late?" She asks and I sigh, lifting the unlit cigarette, showing her what exactly I was doing and not speaking anything because I don't know what to say. "I always thought you didn't smoke. I've never seen you do it except for your party." She bites her upper lip.

"I didn't smoke, then, Ana." I sigh before starting. "I stopped smoking a year ago, yeah I used to take a couple of drags here and there but I wasn't addicted to it, and I even stopped it completely after you. I forgot smoking. I was happy and content with you and I didn't want anything else. Gradually," I say truthfully and shrug. "No one exactly knew I smoked, except for the boys, but I didn't want to hide it from you. Then again, smoking isn't exactly an appealing habit." I shrug, hoping for Ana to smile at my attempt to joke but she doesn't.

She hums in response. "Why did you start it again?" She softly asks.

"I- um- I couldn't focus on my work or do anything after you left. I was basically gloomy all the time so I smoked. It helped me focus on work and not think about some things." I tried everything I could possibly do to not think about us after we broke up but one way or the other, I was pulled back to her. I tried drinking myself into oblivion a couple of times but after sobering up a little I'd go back to the way I was, along with a bad hangover.

"You started smoking because of me?" She asks but it comes out more like a conclusion and I shake my head.

"I started it because of me," I grimly reply and turn to face in. "Because sometimes I get weak and don't know what to do." I helplessly sigh and she stays silent. "I'm sorry, I know you don't like people who smoke but trust me, I'm trying to get over it. I just need a bit of time until then I'll make sure to not smoke in front of you, I promise." I offer her a sad smile.

"I'll help you," She murmurs. "I've read things about it and I think that'll be helpful." She looks at me before moving closer and resting her head on my shoulder. I instinctively wrap my arm around her back and lean a little into her.

"I would like that," I reply and she nods against my arm.

"My grandpa used to smoke a lot," She shares after the silence of a couple of minutes and my ears perk up at the new information. "He was diagnosed with lung cancer a couple of years ago and the doctors couldn't save him." Her voice breaks a little at the end and my eyes widen. It all makes sense. I understand why she hates it so much. She sniffles and I rub her back.