FOREVER [Niall Horan] ✔

Chapter 31.

"You like because, and you love despite."

Ana's POV

"You know, I-I lost my baby too," He gulps.

My gaze settles on him as he stares at his lap. He rubs his hands on his thighs and turns to look up at me. An emotion I've never seen crosses his eyes and I feel myself getting more confused and shocked.

Does it really mean what I think it means?

It's not like it would mean something else. My subconscious scoffs.

"My ex-girlfriend um-she miscarried," He mutters, looking at his fingers that rests on his lap. My stomach ache is replaced with confusion and heartache as soon as the words leave his mouth.

I don't know how to react to this new news. A part of me feels angry at him for keeping this from me. And a part of me feels really overwhelmed and grief-stricken, for I know what it is like to lose someone you have grown to love without even seeing them. Another part of me feels betrayed and heartbroken and jealous. I don't like the thought of him being with any other girl.

Now, I know what Niall must have felt like when he came to know about my untold pregnancy even though we were not together in the same way.

Niall stares at me, waiting for me to say something, with no emotion on his face. I stare back at him. His eyes look void of emotions but I can still see the pain lingering. Maybe he still feels it.

When I'm finally able to think through all the information he just delivered, I stay as frozen as Niall is. Even though I want to talk to him, I don't know what to say. And I hate it since I know how hard it must be for him to open up and how hard it must be to just snatch the bandage from the wound and let it burn.

"I was 20 and she was 26. I didn't want a baby, then, but when I heard about the news, I was happier than I've ever been because he was my baby, my Garrett." He lets out a breath. "Emily was seven weeks along when it happened." He bites his inner cheeks and his eyes become glossy as he completes. I feel my eyes getting wetter too but I blink back the tears that are threatening to fall.

I know he's not telling me the whole truth but I let it go, as it already is too much to take in in a few minutes and I know how hard it must be for him. It hurts me so much to see him so cold yet so vulnerable. It's hurting me to know what Niall went through a few years ago and how the wound is still so fresh like mine.

It feels so absurd but we both, kind of, have the same history and now we both are together, learning about our pain and love.

"Say something," Niall mutters, barely audible.

"I-I don't know what to say." I lightly shrug.

"Just tell me that it doesn't affect what we have," He says with a frown.

I don't know if it affects our relationship or not but I know it shouldn't. Niall likes me along with all my flaws and not to forget that I was pregnant when we met and I didn't even bother to tell him about it. It would've affected him too, to know about the whole ordeal, but he never showed it and now when he needs assurance for us, I should give him it.

Not that this news doesn't affect me, it does, but at the same time, it really doesn't matter to me right now or ever. It was in the past and it should stay in the past. "It doesn't."

An almost inaudible sigh leaves his mouth. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to keep it from you, it was just never the right time," He utters and turns to look at me.

"Where is she?" I suddenly ask him, just because I'm curious.

His eyes turn a shade darker and it holds what looks like hatred and anger. "I don't know and I don't care." He mumbles and stares down on his lap. I don't push him any further even though I'm curious, even though I want to know the reason they're not together, for I know he doesn't want to talk about it.