We Are Infinite

t w e n t y - e i g h t

m i a  /  t w e n t y - e i g h t

I hear the pain in Kade's voice, and it breaks my heart. The undertone of anger in his voice is justified as well, and I tell him so. I tell him that maybe if his Mom finds the strength, the courage to stand up for him to his Dad, maybe his Dad would see things in a new light. I tell him that his Mom means well, and I see the way he's looking at me, the way he listens.

My voice cracks as I tell him that his Mom will find the courage, and I can't look at Kade's eyes, afraid that if I do, I'll completely break. I can feel him looking at me, though, can feel his heart reach out. And in a second, I know that it's time to tell him about Mom.

How a perfectly normal day twisted into something ugly; something tragic. A disease diagnosed until it was too late. Cancer rearing its ugly head; the way it always does.

I tell him about rushing to the hospital; blurry, blurry, everything so damn blurry. Watching Dad wipe at his eyes, try to pull himself together. The funeral; lightning cracking the sky in two as the rain poured, as the pall-bearers lowered the casket into the hole. The weeks that followed, the always-present cloud of dismal grief that hung over us.

And Kade holds me close, hand in mine, fingers wrapped around mine. His voice is low when he speaks, and I want nothing more but to bury my face into his chest; he feels safe, as if everything fades into the background.

He doesn't say much and it's okay, because we both know that sometimes there is nothing to say. Nothing that will help, anyway.

He's just here, and that helps.

I look down, at my fingers entwined with Kade's, mine fitting perfectly into his like it was made to.

We talk, and watch as the sun goes down, watch as the colors in the sky slowly turn inky blue, the stars coming out of hiding. There's a light drizzle of rain, gently falling over us, and before long Kade and I go quiet. It's the kind of quiet that's comfortable, while at the same time, makes you attempt to place the feeling in your chest for the boy sitting next to you.

He's a bad boy, but at the same time he's not.

Kade bursts into laughter, and I realize with sheer mortification that I just said that last sentence out loud. He turns to me, and I stop in my tracks, my thoughts hitting a solid wall.

God, he's beautiful when he laughs. His eyes are all lit up, the way they're usually not. Oh lord. Am I falling for this boy?

Because there are butterflies fluttering in my stomach.

Kade notices my expression, and his features turn intense as his eyes lock with mine. He stands up, and I do too; he's still holding my hand. And he doesn't let go.

The rain begins to pour heavily now, soaking both Kade and I, but it's not cold. He turns around to face me, and his hands leave mine, but only to appear on my waist a few seconds later.

I'm panicked by his touch, even though it makes me feel warm and safe and everything that I haven't been feeling. I'm panicked, because it's not right, even though it really, really feels like it does. Everyone thinks I'm with Kade Lawson, so technically, this, what Kade Ryder and I are doing now, is considered unfaithful.

And so I break away, step back, watch as Kade's hands leave my waist. Feel the emptiness in my hand, the ghost of his fingers around mine.

. . .

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/ i'm proud of this chapter, but it broke my cold little heart.